The End of First Love - Chapter 7

“Milia, I’m such a hopeless noblewoman, aren’t I?”
“My Lady, are you only realizing that now?”

It had been nearly six months since Elizabeth had been ordered to rest in her family’s territory. And in that time, what had she done? The most accurate answer would be—nothing.

During these past six months, Elizabeth had been reflecting on her broken engagement with William. Why had she loved him so blindly?

As a duke’s daughter, it was natural for Elizabeth to be aware of the rumors surrounding her fiancé within noble society. There was no way she could have been ignorant of the whispers among her fellow noblewomen or the gossip that spread through social circles—whispers of William’s womanizing ways.

She had been engaged to William for ten years. Even if she had tried to feign ignorance, as the years passed, it became impossible to continue pretending. Especially when she heard that he had attended evening parties meant for couples, accompanied by other noblewomen. It was clear to everyone that William had no feelings for her.

Still, even though she knew he did not love her, Elizabeth could not bring herself to admit it. Acknowledging it would mean the end of everything. It would be as if even the innocent love of her childhood had been a lie, and that was something she could not bear.

“Milia, I want to go for a ride. Would that be alright?”
“At this hour, my lady? I shall prepare at once, so please wait a moment.”
“It’s fine. I won’t leave the territory, and I know this land well.”
“However, going without a guard is—”
“Please, Milia. I just need to be alone.”

Soothing Milia, who insisted on accompanying her, Elizabeth mounted her beloved horse and rode off. She controlled the reins, feeling the wind rush past her as she galloped, letting old memories resurface—the memories of her childhood with her mother.

(That day… the day my mother died, I became nothing more than a living corpse…)

Her mother, Lucianna, had always been frail, and after giving birth to Elizabeth, her health deteriorated rapidly. At the same time, her obsession with Elizabeth grew unnaturally strong. Looking back now, perhaps Lucianna had sensed that her time was short.

Normally, children of high-ranking noble families were raised by a wet nurse. However, Lucianna had stubbornly refused to let anyone else care for Elizabeth.

Growing up in such an environment, Elizabeth had come to see her mother as an irreplaceable presence. And then, one day, that presence was suddenly gone. The loss left a deep wound on her young heart. She lost her mother, and along with her, she lost all emotion.

She stopped laughing, stopped getting angry, stopped crying. Elizabeth became like a doll, leaving her family at a loss after her mother’s passing. No matter what they tried, her emotions never returned.

“…I’m here.”

Before her stretched a lake, its surface shimmering in the sunlight. She had galloped through the thick forest to reach this cherished place from her past.

(Because I met him here, I am who I am today…)

In those days, Elizabeth’s world had been nothing but gray. No matter what people said or did, no matter what they gave her, nothing stirred her heart. She had wandered to this lake unconsciously, not even remembering why she had come. She only vaguely recalled thinking that if she entered the lake, she might be able to see her mother again.

(Was I planning to die back then?)

Young Elizabeth slowly stepped into the water. The weight of the water clung to her body, her feet sinking into the muddy lakebed. By the time she realized it, she was already drowning.

As her consciousness faded, she felt a strange sense of relief—finally, she would see her mother again. But just as she was sinking into the depths, a force suddenly pulled her back.

She felt warmth on her closed eyelids, her blurred vision gradually sharpening. Before her, someone was desperately shouting something. But none of it mattered to her.

Then, as if possessed, she moved to step into the water again—only to be pulled back by a strong hand and struck across the cheek.

“Your life does not belong to you alone.”

Those words changed everything.

Images of her father, her brother, her wet nurse, and Milia flashed through her mind. Until then, her world had been consumed by the absence of her mother. But with those simple words, everything began to shift. If she died, she would leave behind people who loved her in the same sorrowful state she had been in.

At that moment, she suddenly realized the weight of her own actions.

(If not for those words, I wouldn’t be alive today…)

For the first time, her frozen heart stirred. The gray world around her was painted in color. And when her empty eyes finally held emotion again, she truly saw the boy who had saved her.

A beautiful boy, standing with the sunlight behind him.

She knew that he and William were not the same person. But when she had seen William’s smile, she had wanted to believe that the golden-haired boy had been searching for her as well—that their reunion was destiny.

(How foolish. There’s no such thing as a fated reunion…)

It was time to put an end to this.

“I should marry whoever my father chooses.”

She could not remain secluded in the territory any longer. She had no idea what plans her father had for her future, but the fact that she had not yet been sent to a convent suggested that he still found her useful.

(Whether it’s as a wrinkled old man’s second wife or as a gift to some depraved noble from a neighboring country—if it serves my father, then so be it!)

She had been selfish about William for long enough. And yet, she had failed to win his heart. If that was the case, then she would make herself useful to her father, as a dutiful daughter should.

(I’m glad I came to this lake one last time. Goodbye… my first love.)

Mounting her horse once more, Elizabeth turned her back on the lake of memories.

She galloped toward the Baker Duke’s estate, leaving her past behind.