The Little Princess's Secret Guard - Chapter 9

Chapter 9: I Hate You

Shen Panyan only felt as if her bones were shattered when she woke up. Her entire body ached.

Her vision was pitch black, with no light at all. Was she dead? But why could she still feel pain if she was dead?

Shen Panyan’s eyelashes fluttered, and she slowly opened her eyes.

She wasn’t dead?

What met her eyes was pitch blackness. She struggled to get up from the ground, but abruptly pulled at the wound on her left shoulder and gasped sharply.

Only then did she realize she seemed to be… lying on top of a person.

She looked down: a familiar mask, a warm chest, black martial robes…

Shen Panyan froze. All her memories flooded back. There was no doubt in her mind: Lin Xiao had saved her.

But, looking at Lin Xiao, whose eyes were tightly closed and whose chest was motionless, Shen Panyan’s hands trembled, and a huge panic surged in her heart.

She tried to check for his breath, but her fingertips were blocked by the mask. Shen Panyan hesitated, wanting to remove his mask, but remembering what Lin Xiao had once said, she gave up.

She chose to lie down, pressing her ear to his heart to listen for a heartbeat.

But she heard nothing. Silence filled her ears.

No heartbeat—didn’t that mean… dead?

Lin Xiao was dead?!

Shen Panyan was stunned, completely unable to accept this fact, and tears streamed out.

She frantically leaned on him, listening again and again, but she truly heard no heartbeat.

Lin Xiao was really dead.

Suddenly realizing this, Shen Panyan could no longer control her inner terror.

It was all because of her. If she hadn’t trusted Qiushuang so easily, she wouldn’t have been tricked to West Mountain, pushed off the cliff, and Lin Xiao wouldn’t have died.

Large tears fell from her pale cheeks onto his chest, staining his clothes. Shen Panyan’s vision blurred. She tightly gripped Lin Xiao’s robe, crying until she gasped for breath.

“I’m sorry, Lin Xiao, I killed you!”

“I’m so stupid. Why didn’t I believe you? If it weren’t for me, Lin Xiao, you wouldn’t have died…”

“I’m the one who killed you…”

Shen Panyan sobbed, submerged by immense guilt and panic, her body trembling. After an unknown amount of time, she suddenly felt her body being pushed.

Shen Panyan froze, thinking she was mistaken.

Until she was pushed again.

This time, she wasn’t wrong—something was pushing her!

The Imperial Retreat was near the mountains, and spring hunts were often held there. Recalling the animals they hunted in past years, fear surged in Shen Panyan’s heart.

Could it be a wild wolf coming to eat her?

Shen Panyan’s palms were icy, and her heart pounded like a drum. She didn’t want to be eaten by a wild wolf.

But with her body in this state, how could she escape a wild wolf’s pursuit?

Realizing she couldn’t escape death, Shen Panyan panicked. She instinctively buried her head into his chest, clutching his clothes tightly.

“Lin Xiao, a wild wolf is coming…” she whispered, trembling.

Shen Panyan was self-aware. Since death was inevitable, she might as well die quickly, saving her the pain of trying to escape.

She had wronged Lin Xiao. If something must be eaten, let it be her, leaving Lin Xiao’s body intact… To her surprise, Shen Panyan was suddenly pushed away.

Unprepared, she immediately landed hard on the snowy ground. Her hands instinctively braced her body, instantly aggravating her wound, and the pain made tears stream down her face.

Through blurred vision, she saw Lin Xiao slowly stand up from where she had just been lying. He rubbed his head, his figure slightly unsteady.

Shen Panyan’s tears stopped. She looked at him in disbelief. “Lin Xiao, you… you weren’t dead?”

Lin Xiao: “…”

When did I die?

Lin Xiao looked down. He saw the Princess sitting on the side, looking up at him, her apricot eyes wide open, tear stains on her face, bl00d on her left shoulder, and her beautiful fox fur robe stained with bl00d, looking utterly pitiful…

Remembering what happened before the fall, Lin Xiao’s voice was flat: “Your Highness.”

Hearing his cold, indifferent voice, Shen Panyan froze. Immediately, the fear of falling, the pain of Qiushuang’s betrayal, and the guilt and sadness of thinking Lin Xiao was dead all flooded her heart.

She was already in this state, her wound still hurt, and Lin Xiao was still so cold to her. Shen Panyan felt both wronged and sad.

She knew she was wrong, but she was simply hurting.

Shen Panyan looked at him with teary eyes, her voice choked. “I already know I was wrong, why are you still being fierce to me…”

Hearing this, Lin Xiao paused, looking at her with some confusion and shock.

When had he been fierce to her?

“This subordinate was not.”

Hearing his voice, Shen Panyan’s tears increased.

“I heard you! You were being fierce to me!”

Lin Xiao: “…”

“This subordinate was not. This subordinate was only calling Your Highness.” He heavily emphasized the word ‘calling’.

Shen Panyan didn’t want to hear his explanation. She knew she was being a little unreasonable, but she was genuinely sad.

Qiushuang pushed her off a cliff, and Lin Xiao was cold toward her. Perhaps she was simply destined to be a nuisance.

Grievance and sadness surged together.

“Your voice is so cold and detached; that is being fierce to me…” Shen Panyan turned her head away, biting her lip, her voice bitter and choked.

Lin Xiao: “?…”

This counted as being fierce to her?

He took a deep breath and gave a strained smile.

“If Your Highness says so, then so be it.”

This time, he didn’t even argue back… Shen Panyan’s sadness intensified. “Lin Xiao, do you hate me that much…”

“This subordinate does not.”

“Yes, you do…”

Lin Xiao immediately felt a headache.

Why was the Princess suddenly throwing a tantrum? Arguing with her like this, when would it end?

He didn’t want to debate this further. The sky was darkening. If they didn’t find a way back, they would have to spend the night here.

How could they spend the night in this ice and snow?

“Your Highness, we should go back.”

Seeing Lin Xiao change the subject, Shen Panyan felt a dull ache in her chest, like a heavy stone pressing down.

She didn’t want to leave now. Her entire body ached, and the wound on her shoulder was excruciatingly painful.

She couldn’t walk.

Shen Panyan bit her lip. “I can’t walk…”

“This subordinate will help you up.” With that, Lin Xiao reached out to help her up from the snow. Shen Panyan turned her head, refusing his help.

“It hurts… I don’t want to go…”

“Then this subordinate will carry you on my back.” With that, he squatted down in front of her.

Shen Panyan looked at his broad back, hesitated for a moment, but still refused.

Lin Xiao was a man. This behavior was too improper.

“I don’t want that.”

She didn’t want to walk, but she didn’t want him to carry her either. A vein throbbed on Lin Xiao’s forehead. What exactly did she want?

“Then what does Your Highness want?”

Shen Panyan lowered her head, her teeth biting her lip, her hands tightly clutching the corner of her robe.

If she truly had to decide, she didn’t know what to do either.

Lin Xiao immediately saw her helplessness. “Since Your Highness has no idea, then please listen to this subordinate. We must hurry back.”

“Your wound on your shoulder needs to be treated quickly.”

There is a difference between men and women. The wound on her shoulder must wait until they return to the Imperial Retreat for someone else to treat it.

No matter how irritated Lin Xiao was, he would never offend the Princess.

Hearing him mention the shoulder wound, Shen Panyan’s heart felt bitterly sad, as if soaked in a decoction of Coptis root.

She had feared Lin Xiao would kill Qiushuang and used her own body to shield her from the blade, only to be pushed off a cliff by Qiushuang.

Why?

She believed she had never treated Qiushuang harshly, but rather extremely well. Whether Qiushuang neglected her or chattered in her ear like a bee, she had never been truly angry with her.

Except for that one time.

But what about Qiushuang? Why did she treat her this way?

Did she really hate her so much, wishing her dead?

Tears fell like a curtain.

“I’m not going.” She buried her head between her knees. “I’m so useless. Imperial Father doesn’t like me, Imperial Mother doesn’t like me, and Qiushuang betrayed me. Now, even Lin Xiao, you don’t like me. Why should I go back?”

She might as well just die here.

After all, no one in this world cared about her, and no one liked her.

Thinking this, Shen Panyan’s tears fell even harder.

“You don’t need to mind me, Lin Xiao. Just let me die here.”

Lin Xiao: “…”

This time, he truly couldn’t hold back.

Why was the Princess throwing a tantrum for no reason?

I told them this mission wouldn’t be easy.

When patience reaches its limit, it is no longer necessary to endure.

Lin Xiao simply stepped forward, scooped up her knees with one arm, and supported her thin back with the other. To Shen Panyan’s gasp of surprise, he forcefully lifted her from the ground.

“This subordinate means no offense.”

Even though he said that, he didn’t hesitate for a moment, holding her as he walked down the mountain.

Shen Panyan struggled in his arms. “What are you doing, Lin Xiao! Let me go!”

“Your Highness, stop being willful! Your wounds are paramount.” Lin Xiao’s arm tightened around her body, forcing her to stop moving.

Shen Panyan wouldn’t listen. “I don’t want you to take care of me!”

She only struggled. “I don’t want to go back! It’s useless to go back. You might as well just let me die here!”

A vein throbbed violently on Lin Xiao’s forehead. “While this subordinate is here, you will not die.”

Shen Panyan covered her ears, shaking her head persistently. “I won’t listen! I won’t listen!”

She had been a good, obedient child since childhood. Whether it was her Imperial Father, Imperial Mother, or the maids around her, everyone who had interacted with her, she had listened to whatever they said. But what kind of ending did she get?

She wouldn’t listen to anyone else now.

Shen Panyan held back her tears, stubborn. “Lin Xiao, are you disobeying my orders!”

“Forgive this subordinate, but I find it difficult to comply,” Lin Xiao said coldly.

Shen Panyan’s tears fell even harder. “I hate you, Lin Xiao! I hate you!!”

Lin Xiao’s steps halted, then he continued forward, his voice completely calm. “If Your Highness wants to hate this subordinate, then hate this subordinate.”

“Protecting the Princess is this subordinate’s mission.”

Hearing him mention the mission made Shen Panyan even sadder.

“Let me go! I don’t want you to carry me. I can walk by myself!”

Lin Xiao ignored her completely. “Didn’t Your Highness just say it hurt? This subordinate will carry you back. You won’t have to walk.”

No matter how much she struggled, Lin Xiao would not put her down. Struggling too hard would only aggravate the wound on her shoulder, causing excruciating pain. After a few attempts, Shen Panyan had no choice but to give up.

She angrily pounded his chest. “Lin Xiao, you are truly annoying!!”

“With a personality like yours, you definitely don’t have any friends.”

This amount of force was negligible to Lin Xiao. He managed a slight smile, finding the Princess’s words amusing. “Your Highness, this subordinate is a Shadow Guard. I only need to obey; I do not need to be liked, nor do I need friends.”