The Lost Lamb's Trap - Chapter 31

Chapter 31: Stars

The Restaurant Scene

Duan Jiayang, on an impulse, passed a piece of crab meat to Lan Yao, wondering if Lin Ke would copy her. Just then, Lin Ke called a waiter over, ordered a crab, and offered it to Yu Anqing, saying, “I saw someone else eating this; it must be good. You should try some.” Lin Ke then gently served Yu Anqing, her manner warm and attentive. Yu Anqing was taken aback. “Thank you, Director. You’re so thoughtful.”

Jiayang bit her lip, a wave of frustration washing over her. She knew her anger wasn’t because Lin Ke was a copycat; it was because Lin Ke was acting this way… toward someone else. Lin Ke was even more gentle than she was, offering a napkin with a faint smile that could easily be mistaken for tender affection.

Is this a taste of her own medicine?

She felt something inside her shatter. Once, Lin Ke was the one who followed her, going wherever she went. Jiayang had often been aware of Lin Ke’s little schemes, but she rarely called her out, finding a strange enjoyment in the dynamic. Now, she was completely lost.

“Jiayang?” Lan Yao called out. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

Jiayang believed she shouldn’t be angry, convinced that Lin Ke was simply using a vile trick to provoke her. She stood up, saying, “I need to use the restroom.” But Lan Yao stopped her, insisting, “We’ll eat somewhere else.” She then went to pay the bill.

As they left the restaurant, Lan Yao gently ran her hand over Jiayang’s head. Jiayang was used to this gesture but felt a pang of fear this time. Glancing back at the second-floor restaurant, she wondered, Will Lin Ke copy this too?

Inside, Lin Ke’s smile had faded as she patiently waited for Yu Anqing to finish her meal.

Outside, Lan Yao took Jiayang’s hand, a sudden move that made Jiayang almost pull away. Lan Yao simply smiled, saying, “I’m taking you to get something else to eat.” She stood close to Jiayang, then added, “Jiayang, I don’t know what game you two are playing, but… that would make me jealous, too.” Jiayang couldn’t help but wonder if Lin Ke had held that woman’s hand. Would she copy that as well?

Lin Ke left the restaurant, opened the passenger door, and let the other woman get in. She watched their retreating figures intently. Jiayang had once said her luck was bad, and she would quickly suffer the consequences of her bad deeds. This felt like one of those times. Lin Ke had never let anyone sit in her passenger seat before.

A Night with Lan Yao

Jiayang and Lan Yao went to an amusement park. They ate, drank juice, rode the carousel, and strolled under the twinkling lights. Lan Yao bought her a large cotton candy.

Holding her hand, Lan Yao looked at her tenderly and asked, “Jiayang, you don’t mind this, do you?” Jiayang felt awkward and bit her lip. “I… I’m okay.” She was sweating. Lan Yao smiled and told her to get used to it.

Later, on the way home, Jiayang was reminded of her childhood with Lan Yao. They had grown apart in high school because Jiayang felt like a burden. Lan Yao’s mother would always ask if her homework was done, making Jiayang feel ashamed and eventually too afraid to visit. But Lan Yao had always been kind, giving her candy and small gifts that she never gave to her own brother.

“Lan Yao-jie,” Jiayang said softly, “can I ask you something?”

Lan Yao looked at her. “Yes?”

“You said you like me… but you only asked me out this year. Why didn’t you ever pursue me before?”

Lan Yao’s smile slowly faded. The night breeze picked up. Jiayang only wanted to know why someone who liked her would disappear for six or seven years, but Lan Yao fell silent.

“Besides me… have you ever liked anyone else?” Jiayang asked, worried her questions were too blunt. “I’m not bothered, just curious.”

Lan Yao replied softly, “I’ve been working. My parents don’t accept my sexuality, and I’ve never been in a relationship. Then my uncle mentioned you, and I called him and said I wanted to try. He spoke to your father.” She paused before asking, “Jiayang, can I ask you a question?” Jiayang stopped and looked at her, seeing a hint of fear in her eyes. Jiayang wanted to ask another question: what if my dad hadn’t arranged the meeting? But she waited politely. Lan Yao thought for a long time, then pursed her lips. A few minutes later, she just saw her to her door. “Get some sleep. I won’t press you.”

The Escalation

Back home, Jiayang saw a picture Lan Yao had posted of the carousel and Ferris wheel. She had taken a photo of the Ferris wheel herself and posted it. Lin Ke hadn’t posted anything. Jiayang wondered what she had done today. Would she learn how to make her suffer? Jiayang wanted to delete her post, but Lan Yao had already liked it and commented: See you tomorrow.

Jiayang’s heart told her, Duan Jiayang, you’re so cruel. You probably have no idea how much it hurt Lin Ke to see you with someone else. You deserve this anguish.

Just as she was about to text Lin Ke, a voice message came in. Lin Ke’s voice was low and hoarse. You clearly know how… The final word was cut off, leaving a choked-up, wounded sound that Jiayang played over and over. She couldn’t sit still, pacing and hitting her bed. She went to the balcony, but no one was there.

Before, she would have ignored Lin Ke’s words, but now they made her heart tremble. She felt a “clear pain” that was a step beyond the dull ache she was used to.

Jiayang texted back, “Stop pretending! I know you’re faking it!”

Half a minute later, Lin Ke replied, “I love you.” The earlier voice message was now complete. “You clearly know how deranged, how out of control I am.” Her voice was calm and steady, without a hint of a tear. It was like she was toying with a butterfly, then smiling as she broke its fragile wings.

She then called Jiayang by her full name. Jiayang realized Lin Ke hadn’t used her nickname, “Xiaoyang,” all day. She replayed the voice message again: “Duan Jiayang,” “I love you,” “Duan Jiayang.” Jiayang hated her full name, but when Lin Ke said it, she felt a different kind of pull.

Lin Ke then said, “Do you want to see how cruel I can be?”

A few minutes later, Lin Ke posted a picture of a dark sky with a moon, captioned: The wine that night was too soft. Jiayang realized Lin Ke had been drinking all night and not gone home. It was a cruel move to let her know this. Jiayang’s mind was in a turmoil, bouncing between heaven and hell.

She felt a desperate need to find Lin Ke. She grabbed a bottle of her father’s liquor, thinking that if she got drunk, she might act on her true feelings. She took a taxi to the place she suspected Lin Ke was at and started drinking straight from the bottle. She felt woozy as she walked in. People looked at her, and one shouted, “What are you doing?” Jiayang got scared and tried to run, but a familiar pair of hands grabbed her waist.

“Duan Jiayang,” Lin Ke said. “You came looking for me. Is this what you call being even?”

Jiayang reacted instantly, slapping Lin Ke on the shoulder. “Lin Ke, you can’t be like this!” she screamed.

“Why?” Lin Ke asked.

Jiayang couldn’t find the words, but a deep sense of hurt made her hands tremble. Lin Ke had never called her stupid, even when she made mistakes. Everyone else had watched her change and lose her way, but Lin Ke was the one person she was sure would never abandon her. That certainty was now gone, and it left her anxious and lost.

Lin Ke wiped away Jiayang’s tears. “How could you think that? Aren’t you smart? I was just a little cruel, and you came right to me, making me lose my composure.” She smiled. “I don’t know what others think of you, but to me, you’re extremely clever. You have always been the one in control of my sanity.”

Jiayang finally understood: Lin Ke was telling her she was the dumber one.

Lin Ke looked at the bottle of liquor in her hands. “Did you come here to self-destruct with me?”

Jiayang was about to explain, but Lin Ke’s arms wrapped around her. Jiayang whispered, “…Yes. I’ve been ready for a long time. I want to go to hell with you. If only hell could be a place just for the two of us.”

Lin Ke took the bottle and drank from it, her eyes narrowing. “…It’s strong,” she said.

The Trap

They stumbled upstairs, Lin Ke leading the way. “Why did you come back now?” Jiayang asked, leaning against the door. Lin Ke didn’t answer. “You haven’t been home for two days,” Jiayang continued, “What do you want? Don’t think I don’t know you did this on purpose.”

“So what if I did?” Lin Ke replied. “You wouldn’t care anyway. I’m just learning to imitate you, to see how I can forget you. I’m doing what you do.” Lin Ke turned to open the door, and her words sent a jolt of panic through Jiayang’s heart. “I don’t want to keep pushing you. You always say we’re even, but you’ve never cared about my love for you. If I can forget you, I’ll go back to America.”

Lin Ke didn’t look weak, but her words made Jiayang’s heart tremble. She knew Lin Ke was provoking her. Every time, Lin Ke had the upper hand, but this time…

Jiayang grabbed Lin Ke’s neck, pulling her backward like a killer from the shadows. Her hand seized Lin Ke’s necklace. She picked at the small charm, feeling its smooth surface. Lin Ke let out a soft sound, her back pressed against the wall, a mark forming on her neck. She looked up slightly and grabbed Jiayang’s hands, asking, “What are you doing?”

Jiayang didn’t answer. Lin Ke, for the first time, resisted her, trying to pull Jiayang’s hand away. Jiayang felt deeply uneasy. “Did you wear this on purpose today?”

Lin Ke chuckled. “Ms. Duan, you’re crossing the line.”

Jiayang’s fingers trembled. She was ready to lash out, but she held herself back. As soon as Lin Ke let go, Jiayang tugged on the necklace again. “I’m taking back what’s mine,” she said. “Don’t you dare use something I gave you to mess with other women. It’s disgusting.”

Lin Ke laughed softly, not letting go of the chain. “Xiaoyang, if you don’t want me, I’ll belong to someone else,” she whispered in Jiayang’s ear. “The initials on my necklace can become something other than JY. Do you want your property to belong to someone else?”

Jiayang’s things were her own, and she’d rather destroy them than give them to anyone else. She had come to take the necklace back, but it was surprisingly strong. Lin Ke held her neck up, her fingers pressing on the small chain to ensure she could breathe. “Duan Jiayang,” she said, lecturing her, “you can play with me until I’m broken and then throw me away. That’s fine, too.”

But even if Lin Ke were broken, with a face like that, someone would still want her.

Suddenly, Jiayang had a terrible thought: she wanted to reel Lin Ke back in, to make her completely obedient again, to have her beg and grovel. She wanted to see that so badly. But then, Lin Ke would win. This was a trap, a low-brow trick, and she was falling for it. Lin Ke was so devious. She shouldn’t be called Duan Jiayang; she should be called Duan Wolf, so their fight would be a life-or-death struggle where no one would get away unscathed.

Jiayang’s grip tightened, feeling as though she might choke Lin Ke. But Lin Ke kept provoking her. “Xiaoyang… the first time I held you was when you were hitting me. I felt like I was going to die, my arms couldn’t move, but I just couldn’t let go.”

Lin Ke… you really need to be disciplined.

Lin Ke opened the door. Jiayang, still gripping her neck, was pulled inside. The room was pitch black. Jiayang had lost her senses, like a butterfly with clipped wings. The bottle of liquor they had brought in fell over, spilling its contents onto Jiayang’s feet. Lin Ke knelt down, gently taking Jiayang’s foot out of her high heel. She then sat Jiayang on the couch.

“Lin Ke, you’re my dog. My dog for life,” Jiayang said, as she found herself constantly shifting between “I” and “Duan Jiayang.” She didn’t know who “I” was anymore.

“Call me Xiaoyang,” she commanded.

Lin Ke just pursed her lips.

“I’m ordering you to call me Xiaoyang.” Jiayang felt lost. She had been trying to get close to Lan Yao, but she just couldn’t be “Duan Jiayang.”

“Duan Jiayang,” Lin Ke said again.

Jiayang’s hands tightened around her neck. “Call me Xiaoyang!” she cried out, her eyes red. “You can’t be like this.”

Lin Ke exhaled. “If you keep this up, we’ll both die.” But Jiayang wouldn’t let go. Not until she finally pulled the necklace free. Lin Ke had let her have it. Jiayang was disoriented, her last means of control gone.

Lin Ke laughed, panting. She wasn’t afraid to die, especially if it was with Jiayang.

“Master,” Lin Ke said, getting up and looking at her with a look of extreme devotion. Jiayang went numb. “Do you like this?” Lin Ke touched her own neck, then leaned in close. “My dear little sheep master, I am your loyal dog, your shepherd dog.” She bit Jiayang’s earlobe, and Jiayang lost herself in her voice.

Lin Ke knelt, offering herself like prey. Jiayang had walked right into the clumsy trap, and now she couldn’t escape.

Lin Ke took a wet wipe and began to meticulously clean Jiayang’s hands, as if she were wiping away a stain deep within her cells. Jiayang felt a sharp pain. She lifted her leg, her foot still wet with liquor, and pressed it against Lin Ke’s shoulder. “Why was the wine that night soft?” she asked, looking down at her.

Lin Ke replied with a question of her own. “Is it just your hands?” A moment later, Jiayang felt Lin Ke’s finger trace her shoulder. Lin Ke hated the smell of other people on her. She stripped off Jiayang’s outer layer, her fingers tracing the black straps of her top. Lin Ke’s eyes took in everything: Jiayang’s eyebrows, her eyes. There was no escape.

Lin Ke answered her question. “That’s why I saw your horns as the moon and watched you all night long.”

Jiayang had been right. Lin Ke had been there that night, waiting outside while Jiayang had been a lost lamb in a forbidden area.

Enraged, Jiayang kicked Lin Ke, who stumbled backward but grabbed her calf, squeezing hard enough to pull her down into hell. Behind them, the white moon shone through a crack in the curtains, its light like a thin veil on Jiayang’s skin. She tilted her head back, her teeth biting her lip, her hair blowing against her face.

Just die, she thought, closing her eyes. She felt herself falling, hopeless. Does a snowflake hurt when it falls?

Lin Ke’s fingers stroked her collarbone. “Little Sheep, how should I leave my mark on you?” she asked, intentionally adding, “Don’t be afraid. I’ll just imitate all your moves. If you can accept someone else, so can I.”

Jiayang’s sanity was on the brink. Her hand, which had almost fallen, returned to Lin Ke’s neck. “Does your hand hurt?” Lin Ke asked. She took Jiayang’s palm and placed it against her own neck. “The same,” she whispered, her delicate neck already marked with red lines.

Jiayang had Lin Ke’s life in her hands. If she killed her, she would never again be so lost, so intoxicated, so desperate for Lin Ke’s games. Her eyelashes fluttered, but she refused to be pinned down. When Lin Ke sat on the sofa, Jiayang flipped over and sat on her lap, pulling her arms out of her straps. She wrapped her arms around Lin Ke, seeing the butterfly tattoo on her back.

Her breathing came in rhythmic waves. She sat on Lin Ke’s lap, eyes closed, and in the darkness, they held each other close. She craved a kiss. Lin Ke’s hands held her still, tracing the metal buttons on her top, her thumb unfastening them. She captured Jiayang’s restless heart, making it impossible for her to run back and forth between two people. She held Jiayang’s high and mighty heart tightly, forcing it to fall completely into her palm.

A few minutes later, Lin Ke lifted her hand, kissed her fingers, and whispered in Jiayang’s ear, “It’s sugar.”

And it was. The sugar exploded in Jiayang’s veins, turning her bl00d into a river. When Lin Ke reached into her pocket for something new, Jiayang froze. “You’re crazy… you’re doing this again…”

Lin Ke leaned down, her voice soft yet obsessive. “Why are you crying? I told you… I have no limits… You’re the one who came looking for me.”

“This is what ‘crazy’ looks like, Little Sheep.”

Jiayang leaned back, and Lin Ke’s arms wrapped around her waist, kissing her ear and neck, the kisses growing more vicious, a bite at a time, devouring her shame.

Jiayang believed her. Lin Ke had a high tolerance for pain, and this was truly her going mad.

It will hurt a little.

Jiayang thought she must be the most shameless person in the world. Here she was, melting in Lin Ke’s palm, finding a home in her countless fingerprints, abandoning all reason with her, and still thinking she could sneak away at daybreak and go look at the sea. She was blooming in the palm of a seemingly beautiful and gentle woman. Why add those adjectives? Because the more perfect Lin Ke was, the more attainable she felt, and the more Jiayang understood her own shameless, debased state.

She wasn’t just shameless. She wasn’t ready to be sane. At this moment, she had abandoned her morals and was utterly consumed. She was in a maze with no way out.

She was a lamb. A lamb in a maze, a lamb in a kaleidoscope.

“Hmm…”

The little lamb had been caught.