"The Mortal Chapter Of Qing Zhuan" - Chapter 14

A Youngster’s Regret

Do you still remember him—Shi Wen?

Now, let’s talk about the feud between the older generations of the Shi and Li families. Let’s begin…

Although I was born in an era where patriarchal values were dominant, my family showered me with favoritism from a young age. Even with three older brothers, I was the one cherished by the elders.

My dad was a traditional Chinese medicine doctor, the fourteenth generation in the family line.

When I was little, my grandpa would say, “When the Japanese invaded, my grandpa’s grandpa had to protect our ancestral medicinal recipes. To escape the Japanese pursuit, he traveled all the way from the south to the north. Later, my dad settled down firmly in the northeast and established our roots step by step.”

“What happened after that, Grandpa? Did you go back to see our hometown?” I asked eagerly.

Grandpa just sat in his rocking chair, fanning himself with an old palm-leaf fan, and slowly began to recount:

“Ah! When my father and I finally returned to our old village, everything was gone! What was once a beautiful and magnificent village had become a vast river!”

I was eating grapes and asked, “Grandpa, after we came to the north from our old village, has our home always been here?”

Grandpa shook his head and laughed, “No, no, our home was actually further north… But you don’t understand how arranged marriages worked back then! Grandpa didn’t want to get married or have children, and with five other siblings at home, I had a big fight with my dad and secretly ran away. After a long and arduous journey, I came to this place. I was hoping to settle down, but then the educated youth movement sent people to the countryside, and I was unknowingly sent to this village. Because of my excellent medical skills, I cured many villagers of their stomach problems and was appreciated by the old village chief. Later, by chance, I treated your grandma, and she fell for this handsome young man in front of her. She then created all sorts of coincidental encounters just to talk to me. Gradually, in our time together, I developed feelings for your grandma too. Eventually, the old village chief married your grandma to me.”

I listened with great interest to Grandpa’s story of his and Grandma’s love from that generation.

Dad also came over, munching on a watermelon, and asked, “What are you two chatting about, Grandpa and granddaughter? Let me listen too, hahaha.”

Grandpa took the watermelon slice from Dad and continued, “Later, our family slowly gained a firm foothold in the village. But Shi Wen’s grandpa had always liked your grandma and pursued her many times, but your grandma never agreed. This made him blame everything on your grandma’s family looking down on him for being a merchant. This old rascal became jealous and held a deep-seated hatred for me.”

As soon as Dad heard it was the Shi family, he showed a look of disgust. “Dad, why are you telling Yuan Yuan this for no reason? Just bringing up that family spoils the mood!”

Dad interjected again, “That old man often twisted the truth and spread false rumors everywhere. Because of this, he got a good beating from you many times back then, hahaha! Dad, do you remember the year he spread a rumor and you kicked him into the small river? Hahaha!”

Grandpa was doubled over with laughter, patting his belly with the palm-leaf fan. “Don’t even get me started. My son, that whole family are a bunch of cowards, not a single one of them can fight!”

Dad massaged Grandpa’s legs and laughed, “Exactly! Like father, like son! Hahaha! Dad, you know, even at his age, he can’t stay still. He often creates conflicts to make the younger generations of our two families feud. If you ask me, the reason the relationship between the Shi and Li families is getting worse is all thanks to him!”

He then turned to me and said, “My dear daughter, I’m telling you, stay away from that boy from their family! He’s from the same mold as them; what good can he be? He’ll lead a good kid astray! Are you listening to me, your dad!”

I nodded helplessly. “I know, I know, Dad! But then again, I think Wen Wen is fine! After all, he saved my life!”

Grandpa fanned his fan and said meaningfully, “Old Shi has held a grudge against me his entire life. He always felt that I stole his Ah Xiu! He always believed that his status as a merchant was the reason Ah Xiu didn’t want to marry him, but the truth is he’s just too extreme, stubborn, and twisted. Even after being in the military for a few years, he just couldn’t change his nature! All these years, he has to compete with me for everything. I didn’t want your brothers to have too many disputes with his family, so I let them leave home to gain experience early on…”

When my father was young, he went out to study and suffered a lot while learning medicine in a foreign land. He also faced a lot of cold shoulders and understood what it felt like to be dependent on others. He gained new insights into feudal, old-fashioned ideas. So, besides acquiring a lot of medical knowledge, he also developed a new perspective on the world.

In that era of male chauvinism, even though our family was poor and worldly prejudice was strong, my father never considered me a burden! He never thought of giving me away but gave me a lot of fatherly love.

At the same time, I was an extremely lucky child. The elders in my family doted on me, and my good nature meant my siblings liked me too. Since we were all close in age and got along well, everyone would compete to have me visit their homes during the holidays. Because everyone had different personalities, sometimes they could have fun with me, but they didn’t necessarily enjoy playing with each other. So, the troubles my good reputation brought me were quite funny; sometimes being too popular wasn’t a good thing!

When I was little, all the kids in the village wanted to play with me. However, friendships among kids are complicated. The old feuds left by the older generation sometimes made it hard for us kids to have lasting friendships. The Shi and Li families were a prime example and were famous for it in the village! Even though we had been through a lot, it couldn’t change some fated outcomes.

Dad was extremely against him because he perfectly inherited his family’s genes (Dad would roughly summarize it with three words: “rude and uncivilized”). Wen Wen was also scared of being beaten. Ever since Dad used a feather duster on him, he would run away whenever he saw my father. And Dad would yell at him, “You’re just like your rotten dad! Don’t you know how to greet and say hello to people? You’re so uneducated!”

After each scolding, he would turn to me and give me a long lecture. “There’s not a single good thing in their family. Don’t play with him. How many times do I have to tell you to listen? Are you tired of living? Have you forgotten what happened before?”

Each time I was scolded, I would stay silent. But when Dad wasn’t home, I’d complain to my mom. “Dad is so unfair. Why does he always look at people through colored glasses! No matter what, Wen Wen saved my life back then! And why do old feuds have to be dragged into our generation? I don’t get it!”

Mom would always cover her mouth and laugh. “Your dad is just afraid he’ll run away with you!”

I laughed heartily. “How could that be? I don’t have any feelings for him. Dad’s worries are completely unnecessary.”

Time flies. After winter, the spring snow melted. The earth was reborn with new green, and the spring breeze quietly trimmed the willows. Just like the poem says, “Another year’s great spring, far surpassing the smoky willows full of the capital,” the willows in front of my house turned green again. Wen Wen, as always, was hiding behind the old willow tree, waiting for me to go to school together.

I always wanted to laugh at his sneaky look. He was so afraid of my dad, but even more so of his own dad and grandpa. So every time we walked to school together, we’d start in “bombardment mode” as soon as we were discovered. Going to school felt like we were thieves.

In the blink of an eye, the fiery summer rushed toward us again. We didn’t know that this would be the last hot summer we would spend together before graduation, and also the last of our wild fun.

Because my aunt’s daughter took me fishing in a nearby pond last summer and we were caught by my uncle, all three of us got a beating. Now I can’t go to anyone’s house and have to spend the holiday at home. When Wen Wen heard the news, he excitedly pulled me to his house to show me the “treasure” his aunt brought back from England!

I followed him to his room. He pointed to something on his desk, wrapped in shiny tinfoil, that looked like a slice of tofu. He asked me triumphantly, “Yuan Zi, do you know what this is?”

I stared at the “tofu slice” in confusion. “Is there a slice of tofu inside?”

He burst out laughing. “What are you thinking? Tofu would go bad wrapped up like that! No, no, guess again?”

I pretended to be angry. “Just tell me, or I’m going home!”

Wen Wen quickly stopped me. “Don’t, don’t go! Yuan Zi, I’ll tell you, okay? This is what’s inside. Do you want to see?”

I nodded eagerly. “Yes, Wen Wen, stop teasing and open it!”

He slowly peeled off the tinfoil, revealing a dark bar. The bar was divided into a grid, the kind you could break off piece by piece. I looked at him with a puzzled expression. “What is this? It’s so ugly!”

He widened his eyes. “What?! This is a good thing! Here, smell it.”

I leaned in and sniffed. A rich milky scent mixed with a slightly bitter one rushed into my nostrils at once. I looked up at him.

He cocked his head and smiled at me. “This is chocolate. My aunt bought it for me when she was studying in England. I just ate a big piece, and it’s delicious. It has a rich, slightly bitter cocoa taste. Try a piece!”

With that, he broke off a piece and handed it to me. When I put it in my mouth, there was a milky, sweet flavor first, then the slightly bitter cocoa taste he described blended together, tumbling and dancing in my mouth.

He looked at me and said, “This whole bar is for you. My aunt said that when people are in a bad mood, they should eat a piece of chocolate, and it’ll make them happy.”

Seeing his sparkling eyes, I smiled and nodded. “Hmm, but this must be expensive, right? Did your uncle and aunt have some?”

“They have their own. My mom specifically told me to save this for you. There are a lot in one box.” Wen Wen then ran to his fridge and brought back a “Starlight” ice cream bar. “I heard that if you eat Starlight ice cream, you’ll see a sky full of stars at night. Have one, Yuan Zi, to cool down.”

He looked at me with a big smile. I took the ice cream and asked him, “Do you want to go catch stars together tonight?”

He looked at me confusedly. “Catch stars… just me, us two… go catch stars together? Tonight… us two, together, are you willing, with me, are you willing to go catch stars with me?”

I looked at the goofy boy in front of me, listening to his jumbled words, and found it both hilarious and cute. I gently patted his shoulder. “What’s wrong, you don’t want to go?”

“No, no, of course I do! Yuan Zi rarely invites me to do anything, of course I’ll go!” Wen Wen said, scratching his head with a silly grin.

A gentle breeze blew by, and a rich floral scent wafted over. “Wow, it smells so good. What kind of flower is that?” I curiously searched for the source of the fragrance.

“It’s the white roses my mom planted. Do you want to see them?” I nodded. “Wow! White roses! Let’s go, take me to see them!”

Wen Wen led me to the vegetable garden by his front door. We walked along the cobblestone path, and I kept praising the surrounding fruits and vegetables. “Wow, your aunt keeps the garden so well!”

He replied proudly, “Of course, my mom’s a hard worker!”

Finally, behind the grape trellis, we saw clusters of white roses blooming in competition. A natural barrier was formed by intertwining wisteria vines above them, and behind them were rows of dense bamboo. At their feet was a small man-made irrigation ditch.

I looked at the delicate flowers in front of me, completely mesmerized. Wen Wen came over to me with a hose and took my hand. “Let’s water them. You like them so much, here…”

I took the hose and sprayed water on the flowers. Wen Wen stood opposite me and watered the wisteria vines, but the water dripped all over me. Seeing this, I also picked up a hose and sprayed him. Wen Wen quickly fought back. I heard him laugh heartily. “Hahaha, Yuan Zi, isn’t it cool! Hahaha…”

The sprayed water formed a rainbow in the sunlight. We sprayed each other and watered the flowers, and in the end, we were both soaked.

I looked at Wen Wen’s messy, wet hair. “Hahaha, hehehe! Wen Wen, you look like the ‘Official Sun-Rooster’ now! That hairstyle! Hahaha…”

He pulled me to the white roses. I squatted there, staring at the charming flowers, completely unaware that he was watching me. The flowers looked even more delicate after being watered. I looked at the glistening dewdrops on the petals and gently poked one with my finger. It felt cool and refreshing.

A blue butterfly flew over and landed on a flower bud in front of me. Looking at its fluttering wings, I subconsciously turned my head and met his eyes. In the setting sun, I saw his face illuminated, and he looked so spirited.

“Do I look good, Yuan Zi?”

“You look good, really good!”

Wen Wen’s face turned red. “Then you…”

I realized what he meant. “No, I meant the blue butterfly, hahaha… Why are you blushing?”

Wen Wen awkwardly scratched his head. “Okay, okay, Yuan Zi, hurry home and change. We still have to catch stars tonight!” He shouted, “Mom, Mom, cook dinner! Let’s eat! Yuan Zi and I are going to catch stars tonight. Mom, cook, it’s already past five…”

Listening to his happy shouts, a sense of tension washed over me. I thought to myself, “I need to find an excuse to get out tonight. I can’t let Dad know we’re going to catch stars together. I’d better go home and tell Mom first.”

Meanwhile, my poor childhood friend, Gao, was at home doing math problems and reciting ancient poems. He was about to represent the school in the city’s math and writing competitions, so he had no time to play with us.

After finishing the last big problem, Gao took a sip of water, stretched, and leaned back in his chair to rest. He looked at the text message Wen Wen had sent him: “Bro, Yuan Zi actually invited me to catch stars tonight. This is so cool!”

Gao frowned after reading the message, sighed helplessly, and then picked up a notebook with a password lock. He wrote in it: “The mountain has trees and the trees have branches, but the heart’s love for you goes unnoticed…”

On the way home, the evening breeze gently caressed the wild roses by the roadside, which released a comforting fragrance. The cicadas on the trees lazily called their companions to escape the heat. The buffalos by the stream were leisurely drinking water, and a few geese were happily playing, splashing water all over a buffalo, which let out a low “Moo.”

In the pink sunset, the sparkling stream flowed happily. Under the shade of the willows, groups of old men and women were chatting and laughing. The young wives had already taken in the sun-soaked quilts that had been drying all day. The cooking smoke rose from every household. The most fragrant smell was from our house; the scent of my mom’s specialty dish, “One Pot Wonder,” had already drifted for miles.

When I got home, I found that Dad had already set up the table in the yard. The bountiful dishes on the table made my mouth water. Our whole family sat around the table. My oldest uncle was drinking the healthy liquor Dad made, and Dad was devouring his pork ribs. Mom and I were slurping up the noodles in the bean stew. That first bite was incredibly delicious.

The last glow of the day’s sunset gently wrapped around our family, making the moment feel warm and romantic. As the sounds of shouting and card games from the south street faded, the sun completed its day’s work and went home to rest. The moon, taking over its shift, leisurely lay on the willow branches, peeking at the specks of happy moments in this vast, mortal world.

After dinner, I told my mom, “I’m going to play with my friends. If Dad asks, just say I went to the south street, okay?”

Mom sized me up with a smile. “What, you got a bar of chocolate from him, and now you’re running off with him?”

I blushed and cried out, “No way! It’s just that the stars are shining tonight, and I’m going to catch them…” Before Mom could react, I was already running out the door.

At the same time, what I didn’t know was that after Dad came home, he and Mom shared the chocolate. Mom took out the chocolate, broke off a piece, put it in her mouth, and a satisfied smile appeared on her face. Dad also took a bite, and his eyes lit up. “This is really good. This foreign stuff, hahaha…”

The night sky was dazzling, shining like a thousand diamonds. We ran into some friends from the village on the way. Brother Che put his arm around Wen Wen’s shoulder and quietly asked, “Yo, Wen Wen, going on a date with Da Yuan Zi?”

“What about you, Brother Che? How are things with Sister Liang Yu now?” Wen Wen gossiped.

“Ah, same as always! She doesn’t like me! She likes Pan Wen Shao, tsk tsk tsk…” Brother Che said dejectedly and then turned and left.

The river water was cool and clear. The colorful pebbles on the riverbed shone brightly under the big moon. Everyone was playing and laughing in the water, freely expressing their fiery youth.

After getting tired of playing, everyone sat or lay on the reeds by the riverbank. A few younger kids were peeling lotus pods at the head of the stream; a few older boys were competing to skip stones on the water; and some were telling ghost stories, scaring the girls who hugged each other in fear…

I turned to him and said, “Bro, it’s time. Let’s go, I’ll take you to catch stars!”

He looked up at me. “Now? Where are we going to catch stars?”

I pulled him and ran upstream. The evening breeze was so gentle, lightly kissing my cheeks, so refreshing. We arrived at the upstream part of the river, which had a wider, quieter surface and a clearer bottom due to the terrain.

I smiled and said, “Okay, we can get in the water now.” He nodded. The cool river water immediately washed away the remaining summer heat, and my sleepiness along with it.

I stepped on the soft, fine sand, and one or two small fish swam between my legs, some even bumping into me. Looking at him, he was gently stroking the surface of the water, as if afraid of disturbing the god sleeping beneath it. Then, he cupped his hands and scooped up a handful of water, his eyes crinkling into a smile as he looked at me. “Yuan Zi, look, I’ve cupped the stars! He laughed. He then asked, “Do you like them? They’re for you, all for you. I’m giving you all the stars I can catch.”

The moon was bright and flawless, and its silver light scattered on the water. The breeze lifted his clothes. We looked at each other, and the faces of the two smiling youngsters reflected the stars, so innocent and pure.

We both whispered something but didn’t tell each other, just keeping the wish of the stars in our hearts. Happy times always pass quickly, and with them came the scent of farewell.

The day before his birthday party, after we helped the adults with some chores, we went to his family’s grape trellis to pick grapes. As we were laughing and picking grapes, his mom peeked out from the side. “Yuan Zi, isn’t my Wen Wen a good boy? When you grow up, be my Wen Wen’s wife, okay?”

I was still processing what she said when I saw the boy in front of me with a bright red face, running toward the distant grape trellis.

His mom laughed and said to me, “You have to come tomorrow, Yuan Zi. Wen Wen is planning to give you something at his birthday party.” I was stunned. “I should be the one giving Wen Wen a gift for his birthday. Why is he giving me something?”

Wen Wen’s mom didn’t say anything more, just looked at me with expectation and repeated, “Yuan Zi, you have to come tomorrow.”

I stood there for a few minutes until Wen Wen came back to call me. I finally snapped out of my daze. He lowered his head and said, “Let’s go eat fried fish. What, what my mom said just now, don’t take it to heart. She just said it casually. Don’t take it to heart, really. When you grow up, you might not even like me anymore. I haven’t thought about that either, really. Let’s go eat the freshly fried fish.” He spoke in a jumble.

With that, he took my hand and ran. Seeing his blushing face, my heart felt warm.

I had just picked up a piece of fried fish and was about to eat it when a familiar, sharp voice rang out behind me. “I knew you were running around a lot lately. Get home!”

My eyes widened, the fish in my hand still not in my mouth. I slowly turned and saw my father’s “kind” face. He saw that I was still with him and yelled loudly, then raised his hand to slap me. I heard a loud slap, “Pa,” but didn’t feel any pain. He had taken the slap for me. Wen Wen tried to explain something. “Uncle Li, Yuan Zi…”

Dad interrupted him. “Stop talking! You’re just like your rotten grandpa! You’re a Shi family member, after all! Don’t you dare bother my daughter again! Did you hear me!”

As soon as he said that, the feud between our two families deepened even more. His red face showed a confused expression as he stood in front of me and said to Dad, “Uncle Li, why can’t Yuan Zi play with me? Why?”

Dad didn’t listen to him, pushing him aside and pulling my arm to leave. Just then, his dad came out, wanting to ease the tension. He stepped forward and said, “What are you doing? Why are you hitting people? Can’t you just talk things out?”

Dad glared at him and asked, “Don’t you know what your precious son did? He’s a thief! Is stealing a family tradition for you?”

When he heard that, his dad started yelling. “Li number two, you better explain yourself today! You want to fight?! Come on!”

Dad didn’t hold back and went for a left hook. Soon, his elders and my dad’s brothers were all in a brawl. The scene was so chaotic that I didn’t know who to pull apart. I was about to explain to Wen Wen, “Wen Wen, that’s not… Dad didn’t mean it that way…” but he turned and walked into the house. The words I was about to shout got stuck in my throat.

I was left standing there, watching his figure blur in my vision until a tear unconsciously rolled down to my lip. I tasted it, and it was so bitter, just like our friendship.

After that incident, we never spoke another word. Not even during group discussions in class, when our teacher said, “Discuss in your groups and summarize the emotions the author is expressing. You have five minutes to prepare your answer.”

Li Meng scratched her head and asked, “Yuan, do you think the author is homesick? Look at this sentence…” Zhang Feng argued, “How could that be? Is your brain full of porridge?! How can this be homesickness? Homesickness is about longing, but this is clearly about love! Love, do you get it…”

“Haha, you two, that’s enough. One’s talking about family love, the other about romantic love. So Zhang Feng, do you know what love is?” I interrupted him. Zhang Feng’s eyes lit up. “Of course! I’m the class heartthrob! How could I not know?”

Gao cleared his throat. “Oh, then let our class heartthrob answer the question later…” Zhang Feng pushed Gao, who almost fell. Luckily, I caught him in time, or Gao would have landed on his butt.

While everyone was heatedly discussing, Wen Wen remained silent. Li Meng asked, “Shi Wen, why aren’t you saying anything? What do you think?”

“You guys can just answer,” Wen Wen replied coldly.

As the teacher called time, we turned around. Gao handed me a note. “Don’t overthink things. Pay attention in class!” I nodded and continued listening. When the bell rang for the end of class, Wen Wen would usually play with us, but now he was no longer as happy or lively. He didn’t say a single word to me! Not even when we bumped into each other while getting water.

Looking at the cold person in front of me, I felt a sense of guilt. My feelings for him also seemed to be different from our former friendship. A mysterious feeling was slowly taking root in my heart…

I wanted to wait after school to explain to him, but every time, his dad would pick him up in the car, and I never got the chance to say I was sorry, or to give him that birthday gift from back then.

This time was no different. Gao saw me squatting alone on the ground. He came up to me and stretched out his hand, teasingly. “Get up. Squatting in the middle of the street? What, are you trying to turn into a mini-jeep?”

Hearing his words, and seeing his messy hair today, I couldn’t help but laugh. “Hahaha, Gao, your hair looks like it was hit by a cannon!” He proudly struck a pose. “You don’t get it, this is called fashion! Fashion, you get it!”

We rode our bikes home, two teenagers chatting and laughing under the setting sun. I didn’t realize that this scene would become the norm for the next three years of my middle school life.

In the following days, I never went out to play again. My father kept me locked up at home. Time passed so quickly, and soon it was almost time to graduate from elementary school. Everyone was writing in their yearbooks.

Li Meng handed me a pink yearbook. “Yuan, we might not be in the same middle school. My mom might take me back to our hometown for middle school. You have to take care of yourself. Maybe we’ll see each other again.”

With that, she hugged me and started crying. “Yuan, I’m going to miss you all so much…”

Gao and Zhang Feng also came over. Zhang Feng handed her his yearbook. “Li Meng, you have to get rid of this habit of crying! You silly girl! If you really go back, be smart, don’t be so naive, or you’ll get bullied, you know! And…”

Gao interrupted, “That’s enough, Feng. You clearly care about her so much, so why do you always say mean things to get on her nerves?”

Wen Wen, who might have understood the subtext, said to Li Meng, “I won’t write in the yearbook. You have to take good care of yourself from now on. Be well!”

Perhaps he was saying that more for me, but I didn’t respond. Gao tried to lighten the mood. “Oh, what’s with all this dramatic farewell nonsense! It’s not like you won’t have a way to contact each other! If you miss someone, just make a call! And it’s not like there are no train tickets. If you really miss someone, you can always find a way to meet them! Stop being so dramatic!”

Perhaps this was more for Wen Wen! But Wen Wen still didn’t respond.

And so, once a seed of misunderstanding is planted, the fruit it bears will surely be bitter. In the end, he didn’t have anyone write in his yearbook, and the only memory we had left was that yellowing graduation photo.

I thought I would see him on the first day of middle school and finally get to explain. But the result was hearing from others that his family had moved away! I heard they moved to Jingping, and his dad made a lot of money, so they moved away.

When I found out, I didn’t resent him for not saying goodbye. I just stood there in a daze, and in my mind, a frame-by-frame replay of our past flashed by—those vivid smiles, those moments that felt so real but were never truly preserved. The shy boy who risked his life to protect me, the lively boy who cupped the stars for me in the small river, had all disappeared without a trace, just like the drifting white clouds…