The Paranoid Film Queen Doesn’t Want to Remarry - Chapter 26

Chapter 26

 

Xu Weishuang was an orphan. When she was five, she was adopted by the Liu family. She was pretty, and more than one family had wanted to adopt her.

 

But the one she liked most was the gentle aunt with soft black wavy hair, always dressed in pale yellow.

 

She really liked that aunt. The woman spoke gently and slowly—she was the only adult Xu Weishuang could fully understand.

 

Other people promised her lots of dresses and toys. Only that aunt said, “There’s a girl at home just your age. She’ll be your big sister, she’ll play with you, and she’ll protect you.”

 

Xu Weishuang became curious about this “big sister” the aunt mentioned. Until one day, the woman brought little Liu Yuebai to meet her.

 

Xu Weishuang would never forget that day. Liu Yuebai wore a bright red dress—Xu had never had such a dress, vibrant and eye-catching.

 

Liu Yuebai ran to her without hesitation, grabbed her hands warmly, and smiled brighter than the sun that day.

 

That smile never left Xu Weishuang’s memory. Liu Yuebai became the ever-burning sun in her life, bringing her all the warmth.

 

The Liu family was wonderful. Xu Weishuang was brought in because both Liu Yuebai and Liu’s mother wanted a younger sister. They showered her with unconditional love.

 

Xu Weishuang, cautious and timid, gradually began to accept this sudden surge of affection—and slowly became greedy for it.

 

She loved how their mother always kissed them after returning from work. She loved the daisies on the balcony. She loved their little family trips every month. She loved the way their mom gently called her name, and loved Liu Yuebai’s bright smile as she tried to make her laugh.

 

Xu Weishuang greedily wanted all of it to last forever. So she tried her best to please them.

 

She did it willingly. Even when their mother found out and told her to stop, she didn’t listen.

 

She wasn’t an obedient child. Everyone thought she was sweet and sensible—but she had never truly been obedient.

 

She knew she had to earn everything. She didn’t have the privilege of being entitled to love.

 

In the orphanage, she was often chosen by prospective families because of her looks. The children there matured quickly and had long lost their innocence.

 

Others envied her—and bullied her.

 

Xu Weishuang had always believed that children abandoned at orphanages were never blessed by fate. Whatever goodness life offered them, they had to pay for it in full.

 

And this belief was confirmed in high school.

 

Liu Yuebai confessed to her—she said she liked her.

 

Xu Weishuang really liked Liu Yuebai too, though she wasn’t sure if it was the kind of “like” Liu Yuebai meant. When she heard her express love, Xu Weishuang didn’t think about her own feelings.

 

Her first thought was: If Mom finds out, will she be disappointed?

 

Or worse, If I reject her now, will she drift away from me?

 

Either outcome was terrifying.

 

She didn’t want anyone missing from their little family of three. She wanted them to live happily together forever. She couldn’t afford to lose anything.

 

“We don’t need to know the answer right now. Let’s focus on studying. Tell me after the college entrance exam, okay, Xiaoshuang?” Liu Yuebai said softly, gently stroking her hair, as warm and reassuring as ever.

 

Xu Weishuang silently leaned into her palm, pretending nothing had changed.

 

She idolized Liu Yuebai. Liu Yuebai excelled at everything—social skills, academics, sports, hobbies.

 

She was the sun in every crowd. Everyone loved her.

 

Xu Weishuang kept trying to please her. She followed her lead, studied hard, got into the same elite class.

 

Liu Yuebai said she wanted to become a director and that Xu Weishuang was so pretty—when she became a director, she’d make Xu her first leading lady.

 

So Xu Weishuang decided to become an actress.

 

Even though she didn’t know what acting truly involved or whether she liked it.

 

As long as Liu Yuebai liked it, it was enough.

 

She still didn’t fully understand her feelings for Liu Yuebai, but she agreed to her second confession in college—as long as Liu Yuebai promised not to tell their mom.

 

That way, they would still be a happy family of three. Her internal doubts and contradictions didn’t matter.

 

For a long time, their relationship remained pure. They only held hands and hugged.

 

Partly because it was both their first love—they were awkward and inexperienced. But also because whenever they got close, Liu Yuebai could sense Xu Weishuang wasn’t truly happy.

 

“Xiaoshuang, do you not like it?” Liu Yuebai always asked gently.

 

Xu Weishuang didn’t know if she liked it. But she willingly went along with whatever Liu Yuebai wanted.

 

That was the price she had to pay. She wanted to become the version of herself Liu Yuebai desired.

 

“The first time I hugged you tightly, my heart almost exploded. I felt like I was burning. I love that feeling, and I love you,” Liu Yuebai said.

 

But they used to hug as children too. Xu Weishuang couldn’t feel what made this hug so different.

 

“I love you too,” Xu Weishuang would always respond.

 

But Liu Yuebai never pushed things further.

 

Once, when they went home for a break, Liu Yuebai pulled her into a room and suddenly tried to kiss her. Just then, their mother’s voice called their names from outside. Liu Yuebai laughed mischievously and said her heart was racing—that it was so exciting.

 

But Xu Weishuang only felt terrified. She feared their mother would discover everything, feared their peaceful life would be shattered.

 

She begged Liu Yuebai to hurry. That was the first time she initiated anything—she kissed Liu Yuebai’s cheek.

 

Liu Yuebai was overjoyed. From then on, she always asked Xu Weishuang to initiate intimacy.

 

Just holding hands, hugging, kissing—that much, Xu Weishuang could handle.

 

She did everything Liu Yuebai asked. She didn’t care how she truly felt about Liu Yuebai. She found happiness in the relationship because Liu Yuebai was happy, and their mother was happy. So she was happy too.

 

To her, there was no better life than this.

 

But despite all her efforts, fate still didn’t spare her.

 

By college, she was already taking on small roles thanks to her good looks and talent. Their mother, worried about the dark side of the industry, became her full-time assistant and accompanied her to jobs.

 

She’d never forget that day—the weather was perfect, the temperature just right. The sky was blue, the clouds like strokes from a painting.

 

That day, their mother was driving her to an audition. They had time to spare, so Xu Weishuang, for once, asked to take a detour to buy something.

 

She never imagined that this small request would become the biggest regret of her life—that it would take her mother to the end of hers.

 

A black sedan lost control and crashed into them. The woman in the other car was crushed and died before help arrived. Their mother was critically injured and sent into emergency care along with Xu Weishuang.

 

Xu Weishuang survived. Only she survived.

 

She would never forget the way her mother clutched her hand, bloodied and weak, using her last breath to say:
“You and Yueyue have to be well. Live well.”

 

Liu Yuebai rushed to the hospital after the news—but she didn’t make it in time to see their mother one last time.

 

Xu Weishuang blamed herself completely. If she hadn’t asked for that detour, this wouldn’t have happened.

 

Lying in the emergency room, she cursed the heavens for taking everything from her.

 

“It’s not your fault,” Liu Yuebai held her tightly, wiping away her tears, repeating again and again:
“I’ll take care of you from now on.”

 

Liu Yuebai seemed to grow up overnight. She took a year off school to comfort Xu Weishuang, handle their mother’s funeral, and return to the Liu family home to face unkind relatives—just to secure their tuition and living expenses for the coming years.

 

In that year, Liu Yuebai grew quieter and quieter. She never spoke about what she endured in the Liu household, but sometimes she hugged Xu Weishuang tightly—and Xu could feel the fatigue and numbness in her body.

 

Xu Weishuang wanted to take time off too. She didn’t want to beg the Liu family. She could go act—earn money on her own. With her looks, she’d have plenty of chances.

 

“No, Xiaoshuang. Focus on school, take on serious acting roles, and don’t worry about money.”
Liu Yuebai always said this.

 

Ever since their mother died, Liu Yuebai had been the one holding their family together. She wouldn’t allow Xu Weishuang to get involved in family affairs, nor would she let her help financially.

 

When she discovered that Xu Weishuang had secretly taken on inappropriate acting gigs to earn money, Liu Yuebai lost her temper for the first time. She even took control of Xu Weishuang’s work schedule.

 

“I don’t want your help, Xiaoshuang. I don’t need your help.”
She looked Xu Weishuang straight in the eye, demanding her obedience.

 

Back then, Xu Weishuang couldn’t understand why. Just because Liu Yuebai wanted to be strong didn’t mean she had to shoulder everything alone.

 

But she couldn’t say “no” to Liu Yuebai—who smiled even as her eyes remained cold.

 

She listened as Liu Yuebai repeated, “I don’t need your help,” and her eyes gradually dimmed.

 

And everything collapsed on the anniversary of their mother’s death.

 

That day, Liu Yuebai didn’t go out. She refused to visit their mother’s grave or hear anything about her.

 

She sat blankly on the couch, holding Xu Weishuang tightly, her eyes lifeless.

 

Xu Weishuang let her hold on—even though Liu Yuebai was squeezing her so tightly that it hurt.

 

She stared numbly at the withered daisies on the balcony. They hadn’t returned to this home in a long time. Everything in it was dull and cold.

 

Then Liu Yuebai began to kiss her—her eyes, her cheeks. It had been so long since they’d had any intimacy, even simple hugs were rare now.

 

Xu Weishuang responded mechanically. Her heart didn’t stir at all.

 

“Do you love me?” Liu Yuebai cupped her face and asked, “Real love—not as family.”

 

Xu Weishuang tried her best to act like she was willing. She said: “I love you.”

 

But all she could think about was the shadow of their mother’s death. Her performance was clumsy and forced.

 

Liu Yuebai looked into her eyes, then suddenly tore open her clothes. Her fingertips touched Xu’s chest, and her laugh looked like she was about to break into pieces:
“You’re willing to give yourself to me, aren’t you?”

 

Xu Weishuang instinctively felt fear—but she suppressed it, pressing her body against Liu Yuebai’s hand.
“I’m willing. I’ll give you everything I have.”

 

But Liu Yuebai had already seen through her.

 

She suddenly laughed—then burst into tears. She stood and violently pinned Xu Weishuang beneath her, screaming:
“Even if I made you beg me to fvck you right now, you’d still say yes, wouldn’t you?!”

 

Xu Weishuang stared at her in horror, but she held Liu Yuebai’s hand tightly, afraid to let go.

 

“I’m begging you, Sister, please…” Xu Weishuang didn’t hesitate for even a second, complying with all her demands.

 

All she wanted was for Liu Yuebai to be happy. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing her too. She would do anything—anything—willingly.

 

But after she said that, Liu Yuebai suddenly shoved her away.

 

Standing in the dimly lit living room, Liu Yuebai stared at Xu Weishuang and began to sob hysterically.

 

Since their mother died, Liu Yuebai had been holding everything in. She hadn’t cried since collecting their mother’s body from the hospital. She buried all her grief deep inside—until now, when it all crumbled.

 

Today was the anniversary of their mother’s death. And today, Liu Yuebai realized: Xu Weishuang had never truly loved her.

 

She had no strength left to live—it was Xu Weishuang who clung to her, desperately begging her to stay.

 

Liu Yuebai looked down—Xu Weishuang was half-kneeling by her feet, clutching her hand tightly, disheveled and pitiful.

 

Tears streamed down Liu Yuebai’s face. She stared at Xu Weishuang and said the words she had repressed for so long—words she knew were wrong:

 

“I’ve always resented you.”

 

She closed her eyes in anguish. Saying it out loud felt like casting a curse that released the demon inside her—but in that moment, she just wanted to vent, to lash out at Xu Weishuang.

 

“I’ve always hated you! I hated you for making Mom take a detour, hated that you were the one who survived! I hated you for stealing her chance to live—”

 

“I hated that I love you. Even just imagining it was you who died instead—it still makes me suffer.”

 

Liu Yuebai collapsed onto the ground, clutching her head and screaming the darkest thoughts in her heart.

 

She knew none of this was Xu Weishuang’s fault—but she couldn’t stop imagining, couldn’t move on like nothing had happened.

 

She hated Xu Weishuang constantly—and just as constantly, she condemned herself for feeling that way.

 

She desperately wanted to protect her—but she also couldn’t help imagining a world where Xu Weishuang died in that crash.

 

She couldn’t move past it. From the moment their mother died, she had been trapped in pain, with no way out.

 

Xu Weishuang heard everything. She looked up, her gaze growing colder—her emotions shattered completely.

 

Tears welled in her eyes, shining like broken glass, falling silently.

 

But she calmed down. She looked at Liu Yuebai and said quietly:

 

“It should’ve been me who died.”

 

Liu Yuebai wasn’t the only one stuck in that day. Their mother’s death had always been Xu Weishuang’s fault.

 

It was her choice that day that caused the crash.

 

She constantly wondered: why wasn’t it her who died?

 

That way, her mother and sister would cry for her. Her photo would sit quietly in the corner of their home.

 

And one day, their pain would fade. She would stay in their memories—forever loved.

 

She stared into Liu Yuebai’s eyes, but her reflection was no longer there.

 

“Then just go die,” Liu Yuebai said, eyes dead and cold.

 

They stared at each other—but could no longer find any trace of life in one another.

 

Liu Yuebai reached out and began to strangle her, her voice flat and emotionless:
“Let’s go die together. Let’s go find Mom.”

 

Her grip tightened. Xu Weishuang struggled instinctively, but Liu Yuebai kept holding her down.

 

Slowly, Xu’s movements weakened. Her brain was deprived of oxygen, her limbs went numb.

 

In that moment—she didn’t feel fear.
Being killed by Liu Yuebai… brought her a twisted sense of relief. Of happiness.

 

But Liu Yuebai couldn’t go through with it. She suddenly released her, panicked by the sight of Xu Weishuang gasping and coughing violently.

 

Xu Weishuang could barely breathe. Tears blurred her vision, and yet—she felt no joy at having survived.

 

She broke down and wept uncontrollably. Her heart—her entire being—was utterly shattered.

 

Yet even then, she couldn’t let go of Liu Yuebai. She hugged her tightly, begging her not to leave her alone.

 

From that day forward, Liu Yuebai completely changed. The more obedient and accommodating Xu Weishuang became, the more violent Liu Yuebai grew.

 

Xu Weishuang became her outlet. Liu Yuebai no longer pretended to be the gentle older sister.

 

She ordered Xu around like a servant, verbally abused her, even physically tormented her.

 

All Liu Yuebai gave her were cutting words and unbearable pain.

 

Day after day. Even so, Xu Weishuang refused to leave.

 

She immersed herself in learning about the world of fetishes—using it to mask the truth: that Liu Yuebai hated her.

 

Even when Liu Yuebai no longer touched her or kissed her—

 

Xu Weishuang kept lying to herself. She told Liu Yuebai she liked it this way. Told herself she liked it.

 

Because sometimes, just before she passed out from pain, she thought she glimpsed love in Liu Yuebai’s eyes.

 

She told herself: Liu Yuebai was just sick.

 

She had promised their mother—they would stay together.

 

They were still together.

 

Until Xu Weishuang landed a role in a film that earned her widespread praise.

 

She won an award. Standing under the spotlight, the glare hurt her eyes. But she saw Liu Yuebai smiling at her from the audience.

 

It had been so long since she’d seen her smile like that. Xu Weishuang stared longingly, transported back to the first day they met.

 

That day, her mother and Liu Yuebai came to pick her up from the orphanage. Liu Yuebai’s smile had been warmer than the sun, and the tear mole under her eye sparkled like a blooming sunflower.

 

Xu Weishuang thought one day they would walk hand-in-hand back home, clean up the dim little house, and make the daisies on the balcony bloom again.

 

She never imagined that what would come instead was Liu Yuebai saying:

 

“We can’t go on like this. You never really loved me. I was just clinging to a fantasy—hurting us both.”

 

“Mom’s death anniversary is coming. We have to move forward.”

 

“Congratulations. From now on, keep acting well, and live in others’ praise.”

 

She drove Xu Weishuang out. Refused to let her return.

 

Xu Weishuang begged—but Liu Yuebai sold the house and vanished completely.

 

Xu Weishuang couldn’t find her. She thought Liu Yuebai hated her so much she’d taken away even her last place of refuge.

 

Hated her so much—she had to destroy their home, too.