The Paranoid Film Queen Doesn’t Want to Remarry - Chapter 41

Chapter 41

 

The tears in Xu Weishuang’s eyes hadn’t yet dried, but she still clearly saw the person in front of her.

 

It wasn’t Yan Muyu.

 

Of course—how could Yan Muyu possibly appear here, in front of her at this moment?

 

She stepped back half a pace, and the light gathering in her eyes suddenly dimmed.

 

Liu Yuebai had been watching her the whole time and naturally noticed the tears still wet in Xu Weishuang’s eyes, and the dimming look that followed.

 

Xu Weishuang did not expect her to appear. Liu Yuebai understood this, but her heart still prickled with pain.

 

Even so, she could not just stand by and watch Xu Weishuang like this—especially since she had learned about Xu Weishuang’s troubles and gone to great lengths to find her here.

 

Seeing Xu Weishuang crying like this broke Liu Yuebai’s heart; it felt as if a crack had opened inside her own heart, more painful even than Xu Weishuang’s own suffering.

 

She took a step forward and tried to embrace Xu Weishuang, but Xu Weishuang instinctively dodged away. Liu Yuebai’s hand froze in midair; then she pursed her lips, clenched her fingers into a fist, and stepped inside.

 

This time, Xu Weishuang did not stop her, probably feeling that lingering at the doorway in their respective identities was inappropriate.

 

Once inside, Liu Yuebai took a closer look at the tear-streaked figure before her, then lowered her eyes and carefully asked, “Are you scared? Because of what happened before… or did Yan Muyu bully you?”

 

Liu Yuebai had seen the rumors online and asked people in the circle. Few knew the exact situation between Xu Weishuang and Yan Muyu. First, because Xu Weishuang had been out of the industry for a long time and had only recently returned when all this happened; second, because Yan Muyu had rarely mentioned Xu Weishuang in recent years.

 

Liu Yuebai did not know what to believe. Upon hearing that Xu Weishuang had been injured, she anxiously came to find her, wanting to ask directly what had really happened.

 

But Xu Weishuang burst into tears again when she heard Yan Muyu’s name, choking and unwilling to answer Liu Yuebai’s questions.

 

She was completely broken and out of control—her heart spreading bitterness she no longer controlled.

 

Even though Liu Yuebai was right in front of her, Xu Weishuang could not focus on anything.

 

Liu Yuebai stepped forward and hugged her. Xu Weishuang tried to struggle free, but this time Liu Yuebai did not let go; she held her tightly, wrapping around her shoulders like when they were children, hugging the scared little Xu Weishuang who had just come to a new home, frightened by everything unfamiliar.

 

Perhaps the memory of that warm embrace was too deeply ingrained. Xu Weishuang froze for a moment, then closed her eyes and stopped resisting.

 

Slowly, Xu Weishuang’s crying ceased and she calmed down. Liu Yuebai held her until she regained composure and then, with a cold expression, pushed her away again.

 

Liu Yuebai lowered her head and sighed, stepping back a few paces to stand at a distance—not too near, not too far.

 

“It’s like when you were little—you were afraid of the dark, afraid to sleep alone, hiding beside the bed crying silently, but you never wanted to wake Mom or me,” Liu Yuebai said, handing a tissue to Xu Weishuang’s tear-streaked face. She watched Xu Weishuang hesitate a moment before taking it, then gave a helpless, soft laugh.

 

Xu Weishuang still said nothing. She remembered their childhood, remembered those happy, beautiful times. It was because it had been too beautiful—her most treasured memories—that she couldn’t let go and fell into an abyss.

 

“You and Yan Muyu… did she hurt you?” Liu Yuebai knew she had no right to ask Xu Weishuang anything, but seeing her tears, she couldn’t help but ask.

 

Xu Weishuang could have chosen not to answer. Their relationship had long since broken down. But perhaps now, with no one else to rely on, or perhaps because Liu Yuebai’s earlier embrace had stirred memories of their childhood—when they did not know love, only pure affection.

 

Liu Yuebai was her sister. Together with their mother, holding her hand, giving her the warmth of family she longed for.

 

They were happy every day; Xu Weishuang’s happiness in the first half of her life was all in that time.

 

So Xu Weishuang closed her eyes, shook her head, and at this moment, gave Liu Yuebai a response.

 

Yan Muyu had never hurt her. She thought their relationship was just a transaction, thought they were unrelated, thought after leaving Yan Muyu she could easily move on, thought those feelings of dependence were just a little lingering attachment.

 

But she could not let go. She kept thinking of Yan Muyu, even imagining, like with Liu Yuebai six years ago, ways to make Yan Muyu stay by her side.

 

It was she who wanted to hurt Yan Muyu.

 

Xu Weishuang turned to look at Liu Yuebai, her reddened eyes filled with grievance and helplessness. Liu Yuebai seemed to truly see the Xu Weishuang who had not yet grown up, and her eyes softened.

 

But Xu Weishuang was no longer a child who needed protection. She and Liu Yuebai had been apart for six years.

 

Between them lay too much pain and distance—impossible to erase, impossible to close.

 

Liu Yuebai could enter Xu Weishuang’s room and hold her now only because Xu Weishuang was too consumed by pain to care for anything else. Once Xu Weishuang came to her senses, she would no longer need Liu Yuebai’s presence.

 

Liu Yuebai gave a bitter smile. Xu Weishuang no longer needed her; it had been made clear at their mother’s memorial, and her presence would only cause Xu Weishuang more pain.

 

Still, Liu Yuebai had come, holding onto a faint hope—maybe if she behaved well as Xu Weishuang’s sister, they could return to the way things were before.

 

“Xiaoshuang, let’s go home together and take a look,” Liu Yuebai summoned her courage. Her delicate features showed determination. She feared Xu Weishuang would refuse, but now she knew she had to say it.

 

“I want to go home with you, as your legal sister.”

 

Liu Yuebai no longer cared about any other identities. They had been through so much, tormented each other for so long, only this identity might still bring her closer to Xu Weishuang.

 

Six years had made her realize many things and let go of others.

 

For Liu Yuebai, being Xu Weishuang’s sister now made her happiest.

 

After saying this, she looked at Xu Weishuang earnestly. Xu Weishuang stared back but did not respond.

 

Liu Yuebai bit her tongue tightly. The slight pain reminded her time was passing. She could hardly bear the silence but had to wait.

 

“At home, I found pictures of Mom. Our old photos. Do you want to see them?” Liu Yuebai said again. She wasn’t trying to guilt Xu Weishuang, only to show how sincerely she wanted to return to their home.

 

As family.

 

Xu Weishuang’s eyes narrowed at these words, her breathing slowing.

 

Earlier her mind had been full of Yan Muyu, but now something else had finally come back.

 

Family.

 

She was stunned and after a long time, she finally agreed.

 

…

 

Xu Weishuang was moved not only by Liu Yuebai’s words, but also desperately wanted to escape the uncontrollable collapse of her emotions.

 

Going home with Liu Yuebai, she kept a pale face and an icy expression that was frightening.

 

Liu Yuebai glanced at her several times but said nothing in the end.

 

The car drove to an ordinary neighborhood where their mother had raised them both. Liu Yuebai had lived here for over twenty years.

 

The neighborhood had not been renovated; after so many years it looked the same. Xu Weishuang looked ahead; after marrying Yan Muyu, she had never returned here.

 

She knew Liu Yuebai had sold this place before but apparently bought it back.

 

They took the elevator up to the 7th floor, not too high or low—a floor their mother had carefully chosen.

 

The old-fashioned security door had not yet been replaced by an electronic lock. Liu Yuebai took out the key and opened the door.

 

Xu Weishuang instinctively stepped back. Her last impression of this place was darkness without a trace of warmth, Liu Yuebai’s harsh curses, objects thrown at her causing sharp pain, lying on the cold floor with scars, and hearing Liu Yuebai’s agonized, hysterical cries.

 

Every corner of the house exuded a chilling atmosphere that seemed to freeze her heart and body.

 

When Xu Weishuang reached here, she felt an endless terror deep in her consciousness, memories she could never forget.

 

She instinctively wanted to escape, but Liu Yuebai seemed to know her thoughts in advance and grabbed her wrist.

 

Xu Weishuang’s rejection of Liu Yuebai’s touch was a conditioned response left from past trauma. When Liu Yuebai grabbed her wrist, Xu Weishuang was frightened, eyes wide with panic.

 

But only for a moment. She soon came to and pulled her hand away.

 

Six years ago, just after leaving Liu Yuebai, Xu Weishuang was very sensitive to physical contact. She was in a state of heightened pain sensitivity and feared sudden approaches or touches.

 

Only Yan Muyu was different. When Yan Muyu kissed her, she felt no fear, so she clung to Yan Muyu and demanded more.

 

Back then, no one could get close to her casually. She was broken inside, and after confirming she could not find Liu Yuebai, she had thought about death countless times.

 

At that time, although Yan Muyu’s gaze was full of predatory intent, strangely, Xu Weishuang felt safe. Although Yan Muyu had tightly gripped her neck, stripped her dignity, and behaved dangerously, Xu Weishuang felt peace.

 

It helped her distinguish between harm and flirtation—true difference.

 

After being pushed away, Liu Yuebai paused, ensuring Xu Weishuang didn’t run off again before withdrawing her hand.

 

The door was opened, revealing everything inside.

 

Xu Weishuang stood stunned at the doorway, looking at the room exactly as it had been back then.

 

After a long time, she followed Liu Yuebai inside. By the shoe cabinet at the entrance was lavender incense—something their mother loved and always kept around in sachets and incense.

 

Xu Weishuang’s nose tingled; memories flooded uncontrollably.

 

She stepped further inside. The sunlight was just right, and the house’s orientation was carefully chosen by their mother. The bright afternoon sun streamed through the large living room windows, warm like their mother’s gentle kiss when she came home from work each day.

 

The daisies on the windowsill stood bravely against the wind, and even the vase that Liu Yuebai had later broken reappeared.

 

The only change in the entire house was that photos of their mother had been put up on the walls—not black-and-white memorial photos, but pictures of the three of them together, happy and joyful.

 

Everywhere in the house.

 

In every photo, their mother was smiling happily.

 

And the three of them were all smiling joyfully.

 

Once upon a time, they had been that happy.

 

“We’re home, Xiaoshuang,” Liu Yuebai said softly as she stopped beside Xu Weishuang.

 

Hearing this, Xu Weishuang closed her eyes and tried to hold back her tears.

 

It had been a very long time since she had thought about coming back here, long since she had innocently yearned for this place.

 

She was very afraid of this place, because she had once truly possessed it, had experienced that warmth soaking through her body and soul, and so after losing it, she never dared to touch the sun again.

 

From avoiding Yan Muyu to trying hard to walk away, Xu Weishuang had never thought of returning here, of reclaiming this home.

 

But Liu Yuebai pulled her back.

 

Looking at what seemed like a fully restored home, as if all the past pain had been buried.

 

As if they really could return to the past.

 

But it wasn’t like that.

 

Xu Weishuang shook her head at Liu Yuebai.

 

It wasn’t that simple for them to go back to how things were.

 

Didn’t Liu Yuebai understand?

 

“Our home has long been gone,” Xu Weishuang said, staring straight at Liu Yuebai as she spoke this cruel truth.

 

Their home wasn’t this house, wasn’t any of the things inside—it was their mother, it was the three of them.

 

The moment their mother died, their home was destined to split apart.

 

But Liu Yuebai stubbornly refused to accept it. She stepped forward again and grabbed Xu Weishuang’s hand, her gaze firm and unwavering.

 

“We still exist,” Liu Yuebai said to her. “I’ve been treated, and we won’t be like before anymore.”

 

Before their mother’s accident, Liu Yuebai had been a cheerful person, excellent and bright, bringing happiness to those around her—someone Xu Weishuang had admired, like the sun.

 

Just like the day she took Xu Weishuang out of the orphanage, so warm.

 

Her brows and eyes were always Xu Weishuang’s favorite feature because her smile was so infectious.

 

But now that was all gone. Though Liu Yuebai still smiled when they met, traces of indelible sorrow were left on her face.

 

The scars left behind could never be erased—how could they ever return to the past?

 

Still, Liu Yuebai stubbornly refused to admit this.

 

Xu Weishuang did not agree. Once, Liu Yuebai thought letting her go was better; now, Xu Weishuang felt the same.

 

“I have never hated you,” Xu Weishuang said, unable to break free from Liu Yuebai’s firm grip on her wrist, which was starting to hurt. But she lowered her eyes and stopped struggling, giving up resistance.

 

She had long experienced the pain Liu Yuebai caused. Her body still instinctively feared it, but Xu Weishuang never blamed Liu Yuebai.

 

It was never that Liu Yuebai wronged her. After six years, Xu Weishuang understood this.

 

Xu Weishuang knew Liu Yuebai hated her, and rightly so. Liu Yuebai’s words had hurt her; the torment Liu Yuebai inflicted back then had left scars that caused Xu Weishuang pain.

 

She feared that pain, dreaded it—it was human instinct, born because she had once loved Liu Yuebai, her family, so deeply.

 

Back then, she had begged Liu Yuebai to stay, even though she knew Liu Yuebai was nearly mad, and knew Liu Yuebai cried painfully after every time she hurt her.

 

She had cried, begging Liu Yuebai not to abandon her, saying that if Liu Yuebai was lost too, she truly would not be able to live.

 

In the name of love, she had imprisoned Liu Yuebai.

 

She played the victim, forcing Liu Yuebai into despair.

 

Yet she still refused to let go. She remembered Liu Yuebai’s words: “We’ll go die together, go find Mom together.”

 

Xu Weishuang always thought all the faults were hers. She had no right to return here, to their home.

 

She would make mistakes again—toward Yan Muyu, toward Liu Yuebai standing before her now.

 

She should not get close to anyone—she was always hurting others.

 

She blamed everything on herself. Every time Liu Yuebai drew near, her instinctive fear and pain reminded her of her past mistakes.

 

Xu Weishuang continuously rejected her. She had desperately tried to get out of that quagmire of the past; she didn’t want to return to it.

 

“I know,” Liu Yuebai was extremely stubborn. No matter what Xu Weishuang did, she would not let go. “I know you never hated me. You only ever hated yourself—Mom’s death, my illness.”

 

“But Xiaoshuang, you’re not the only one who’s made mistakes. I recklessly, selfishly fell in love with my own sister. Even though I knew you never loved me, I took advantage of your kindness and made you accept my love.”

 

“Even though I knew you were also a victim of that car accident, I still thought in my heart of making you die there instead of Mom. My illness, my madness—it was never caused by you.”

 

“The one who really made mistakes was me.”

 

“I couldn’t accept that I couldn’t protect you, couldn’t accept that I had become insane, couldn’t accept that I kept hurting you—so I abandoned you.”

 

“Our home has always been here. As long as we’re willing to come back, those mistakes, those scars—we can fix them together.”

 

By this point, Liu Yuebai’s voice was choked with emotion. She held Xu Weishuang tightly and searched her eyes, determined to make her understand: “Xiaoshuang, this time, I will never let you go again. I’m your sister. We promised when we were little—I would always protect you.”

 

“I won’t lose you again.”

 

“Please, give me one more chance.”

 

Xu Weishuang froze in place. Liu Yuebai held on to her firmly. Her burning words kept drilling into Xu Weishuang’s heart.

 

She didn’t want to hear them, but Liu Yuebai pulled her to stand in the sunlight—the place where her own shadows once sheltered her—nowhere to hide.

 

Liu Yuebai was always like this: despite all the pain left on her body, she still reached out to pull Xu Weishuang tightly.

 

Without her, Liu Yuebai could live well. In the Liu family, she had always been a burden.

 

But people always long for warmth. Xu Weishuang had lost the sun, so she didn’t dare reach out to touch it, knowing it wasn’t something she could have.

 

But the sun wouldn’t let her run away; it kept coming toward her and hugged her tightly.

 

That kind of embrace was so tight she almost melted in the scorching warmth.

 

Six years ago, Xu Weishuang had completely closed herself off. This world had stopped being worth longing for ever since their mother died and she parted with Liu Yuebai.

 

She couldn’t open her heart again. But then Yan Muyu suddenly barged in, tore open her closed heart, forcing her to reveal a bleeding, raw heart.

 

And Liu Yuebai came in while her heart was still unstitched, refusing to let her hide anymore.

 

She was so tired, so very tired. Her emotions, long buried deep in an abyss, now flooded out recklessly.

 

Her heart had completely slipped out of her control.

 

“Sister…” Xu Weishuang bit her lip tightly. She clearly wanted to restrain her impulses but could not let go of such warmth.

 

Unable to control herself.

 

She and Liu Yuebai were now each other’s only family in this world.

 

Since Liu Yuebai disappeared six years ago, she dared not think about or hope for this.

 

But she really, really loved her family.