The Paranoid Film Queen Doesn’t Want to Remarry - Chapter 50

Chapter 50

 

Yan Muyu’s tears came without warning. Xu Weishuang didn’t know why she was crying and leaned in helplessly, wanting to ask.

 

But Yan Muyu’s tears were like burning fire, each drop falling scorching hot, blocking Xu Weishuang’s throat—she couldn’t say a single word.

 

Did Yan Muyu not want to kiss her?

 

The thought surfaced in Xu Weishuang’s mind, but she immediately tried to deny it.

 

If she didn’t want to, she wouldn’t have let her in. She wouldn’t have embraced her like that at the filming set today.

 

Xu Weishuang saw it clearly—Yan Muyu took this role, and ever since, she had been indulgent toward her in countless ways.

 

Yan Muyu liked her.

 

She could feel it—the constant wave of emotions from Yan Muyu, no longer hidden, straightforward and unrestrained.

 

So she didn’t understand why Yan Muyu was crying now. She just stared in a daze, frozen for a moment, then slowly moved to sit before Yan Muyu.

 

She reached out and wiped away Yan Muyu’s tears.

 

Xu Weishuang said nothing, just silently watched her, crouched in front of Yan Muyu, waiting for her tears to stop.

 

Yan Muyu wasn’t used to showing this kind of vulnerability in front of others. Yet, whenever she broke down, it was always in front of Xu Weishuang.

 

Soon, Yan Muyu calmed down and lowered her gaze to look at Xu Weishuang. A single tear still hung from her lashes, like a crystal drop, glimmering like a star in her amber eyes.

 

A broken star. Xu Weishuang suddenly understood why she cried.

 

Yan Muyu was like her—not someone who truly stood in the sunlight.

 

Xu Weishuang always tried to please others. Yan Muyu constantly hid herself.

 

Their true selves, their emotions, were always bound in chains.

 

They were rootless, never with a place to truly call home.

 

But now… they had each other.

 

Was Yan Muyu crying because, in this moment, Xu Weishuang made her believe in the possibility of a future?

 

Because she could feel that maybe, just maybe, they could have a real home?

 

Xu Weishuang looked up, trying to see into Yan Muyu’s eyes, to reach inside and understand everything she was thinking.

 

But in the end, she couldn’t.

 

Xu Weishuang was not good at reading people.

 

She leaned forward, wrapped her arms around Yan Muyu’s waist, and buried her face in her embrace.

 

It’s okay. This time, they would have a long time to slowly understand one another.

 

As long as Yan Muyu didn’t push her away, she wouldn’t leave.

 

Xu Weishuang’s embrace steadied Yan Muyu further. She lowered her eyes and gently touched Xu Weishuang’s face, her gaze soft but tinged with sadness.

 

Yet, she didn’t hide like before. She looked into Xu Weishuang’s eyes and let everything show.

 

Xu Weishuang couldn’t quite describe how she felt at that moment. She had always believed Yan Muyu to be false, unwilling to reveal her true self. That was probably Yan Muyu’s instinct, just as it was Xu Weishuang’s instinct to please others.

 

But now, Yan Muyu wasn’t hiding anything. She cried in front of her. She showed her vulnerability.

 

Xu Weishuang looked up. Her usually cold face was now laced with a trace of longing.

 

She gently hooked her pinky around Yan Muyu’s finger—an action not overly intimate but deeply lingering.

 

Like a young girl’s secret yearning, timidly touching the one she loved, only daring to link fingers. Letting herself indulge in a hidden, unspoken affection.

 

But it was only because Yan Muyu’s vulnerability had thrown Xu Weishuang off. That was why she subconsciously reached for her hand. After all, they weren’t in the stage of bashful first love.

 

Yan Muyu noticed the gesture, and as she lowered her head, the tear hanging from her lashes dropped, falling onto the back of Xu Weishuang’s hand.

 

And along with it, fell a kiss.

 

Yan Muyu didn’t not want to kiss Xu Weishuang—she wanted it too much. Knowing Xu Weishuang’s feelings had only made her more cautious in their interactions.

 

Yan Muyu was terrified of losing her again. Knowing Xu Weishuang cared only made her more unable to let go.

 

Back when Xu Weishuang didn’t love her, she still did everything she could to keep her. Now, knowing she had a place in Xu Weishuang’s heart, she only wanted to hold her tighter.

 

But Xu Weishuang once said she disliked those intimate gestures. Yan Muyu suspected it was mostly a lie—but even if a tiny part of it were true?

 

To what degree did Xu Weishuang dislike it?

 

Yan Muyu’s kiss was gentle, slow, tentative—never daring to go deeper.

 

She lightly tasted Xu Weishuang’s lips, hearing her breathy sighs, seeing the half-kneeling figure before her. That cool face now tinged red, eyes sultry at the corners, letting out a soft, alluring sound.

 

It had been a long time since she saw Xu Weishuang like this. In the past, she loved nothing more than seeing that cold and aloof face lose control, fall into desire.

 

Seeing the indifference fade into seduction, watching Xu Weishuang tremble with restraint—that was the most beautiful sight in the world.

 

Like now—if she went a little further, she knew every sensitive spot on Xu Weishuang’s body. A little more and she could awaken that sensitivity.

 

She could make Xu Weishuang look even more enticing.

 

But Yan Muyu restrained herself and stopped the kiss quickly.

 

She didn’t dare go further.

 

She didn’t dare cross that line. She didn’t dare trigger even a sliver of discomfort in Xu Weishuang.

 

She had lost her once. Now, she was too careful, treasuring her too much.

 

Perhaps because she didn’t expect the kiss to end so soon, Xu Weishuang blinked, confused.

 

Yan Muyu never used to stop like this. Xu Weishuang could always feel her longing, both of them lost in heat, breath igniting breath.

 

But this kiss ended abruptly, like someone had swept away the heat and emotion in an instant. Xu Weishuang instinctively reached out to hold her, but Yan Muyu only smiled gently, her passion already faded.

 

Xu Weishuang cooled down too. The fervor in her chest slowly faded. The desire stirred by the day’s kissing scene, by Yan Muyu’s embrace, grew cold.

 

She couldn’t understand Yan Muyu again.

 

Doubt crept in, guesses and misgivings repeated—until a faint disappointment bloomed.

 

“I’ll go now,” she said, lowering her head.

 

Her voice turned cold. Even the blush from their kiss vanished from her cheeks.

 

She stood, but Yan Muyu suddenly leaned forward and hugged her.

 

She pulled her into her arms, buried her face in her neck, her breath brushing Xu Weishuang’s sensitive skin. It tickled. Xu Weishuang could even hear her soft sigh.

 

“Don’t go.”

 

Xu Weishuang paused.

 

Held like this, she only felt colder.

 

Because she realized—Yan Muyu’s voice was cautious, restrained, uneasy.

 

Did she make Yan Muyu feel uncertain?

 

She suddenly looked up, pushed Yan Muyu slightly away, and met her gaze.

 

But in Yan Muyu’s eyes, there was no fear. She was smiling, gentle as always.

 

With a little more love.

 

That trace of love made Xu Weishuang believe she had shown everything. Made her believe Yan Muyu was being genuine now.

 

So she couldn’t understand why someone who clearly loved her could behave so hesitantly, so inconsistently.

 

But… what if this wasn’t the real Yan Muyu either?

 

Xu Weishuang’s heart trembled—like thunder echoing through a mountain valley, deafening and terrifying.

 

She grabbed Yan Muyu’s hand tightly, so hard it made her frown in pain.

 

“What are you hiding, Yan Muyu?” she asked, desperate, fear spreading in her chest.

 

She tried to imagine reasons for Yan Muyu’s behavior.

 

Was it because of pressure from her?

 

Why would Yan Muyu force herself?

 

The last thing she wanted was for Yan Muyu to force herself. If there was even a hint of reluctance in their relationship, Xu Weishuang would leave.

 

She couldn’t go through what happened with Liu Yuebai again—where everything had broken, but they still clung on, dragging each other into misery.

 

She wouldn’t do that to Yan Muyu. And she didn’t want Yan Muyu to do that to herself.

 

The fear in her eyes was unmistakable. She didn’t have time to hide it. Yan Muyu saw it all.

 

Panic rose in Yan Muyu. She dared not speak, afraid her words would drive Xu Weishuang away again.

 

She pursed her lips, hesitating, overthinking.

 

She was always good at this.

 

But before she could speak, Xu Weishuang suddenly cupped her face, gaze earnest and pleading:

 

“Tell me the truth, Yan Muyu. I’m not good at guessing. I’m not good at hiding. So I’ve given you everything real inside me.”

 

“I truly want us to get along, even if we don’t make it to the end—let’s at least have a beautiful time, so I can look back on this life and smile, knowing there was a person like Yan Muyu. Don’t lie to me anymore.”

 

Held like that, forced to meet Xu Weishuang’s eyes, Yan Muyu had nowhere to hide.

 

She could’ve hidden again, comforted Xu Weishuang, given the most logical, acceptable answer.

 

That was her usual way.

 

But Xu Weishuang said: Don’t lie to me anymore.

 

After accepting Xu Weishuang’s love, Yan Muyu had become so afraid of loss that she grew overly cautious, never daring to show all of herself.

 

Xu Weishuang feared being forced. Feared mutual torment. She wanted honesty.

 

They were so incompatible.

 

Even the way they looked at each other was filled with hesitation.

 

Yan Muyu had always read her well—giving just enough to keep Xu Weishuang feeling safe.

 

But tonight, the moment she saw the disappointment in Xu Weishuang’s eyes, she panicked—accidentally letting her see a glimpse of her true self.

 

And then, Yan Muyu realized: right now, even if she revealed her full self to Xu Weishuang, it would be okay.

 

Maybe this was the part of her that Xu Weishuang craved.

 

Even if they couldn’t last, they’d still remember the beauty they shared.

 

Would her truth bring beauty to Xu Weishuang?

 

That obsessive, selfish side of her—treating everything like a tool, neither perfect nor gentle.

 

Could Xu Weishuang love that Yan Muyu?

 

But she couldn’t escape Xu Weishuang’s sincerity.

 

She never imagined Xu Weishuang in love would be this bold, this passionate.

 

Her eyes still carried the cold of a snowy winter, yet also burned like a noonday sun.

 

Unstoppable, piercing straight into her soul—nowhere to run.

 

“Every breath I take makes me want to possess you. I can’t stand anyone else being close to you. I want to steal your freedom and keep you by my side forever.”

 

“Your eyes should only look at me. Your voice should only speak to me. Your thoughts should be filled with me.”

 

“I want to merge you into my body—your flesh, your bones. I want every part of you to belong only to me.”

 

“This is my truth.”

 

Yan Muyu finally voiced her deepest thoughts—her love, terrifying in its intensity, enough to suffocate anyone.

 

She looked at Xu Weishuang, speaking calmly, but the madness behind it was undeniable.

 

Yan Muyu had believed hiding all this was necessary. That no one could ever accept her truth.

 

Now that it was out, she lowered her gaze, quietly awaiting Xu Weishuang’s judgment.

 

Xu Weishuang listened, her breathing slowing. She instinctively averted her eyes.

 

Not because she was afraid—but because another thought had entered her mind.

 

“Then why did you stop the kiss just now?”

 

If you feel that way… if you want to possess me so completely, why stop when we were so close?

 

Yan Muyu hadn’t expected that question. She didn’t want to answer. But she had already spoken her truth—there was nothing left to hide.

 

She bowed her head slightly, closed her eyes, fragile and full of sorrow, then softly said:

 

“Because I love you too much. And I’m too afraid… of losing you again.”