The Princess Who Divorced Her Husband - Chapter 3.2

Holding back tears, Yan Mei rushed back to Yongmei Garden. As soon as she entered her room, the tears began to flow uncontrollably.

“Miss… Miss…” The nanny had followed her, breathless. Seeing Yan Mei crying so hard, her tears fell too.

“Nanny, let’s go!” Yan Mei, who was sobbing, said this as she began to pack her things.

“Miss, what are you doing?” The nanny held her hand.

“We’re going back to Yanjing!” Yan Mei wiped her tears. “Luckily, Father is still here. We can leave with him.”

“You’re not serious, are you?” The nanny was shocked.

“What choice do I have?” Yan Mei cried. “You saw everything! They’re like husbands and wives already. What am I? Staying here will only bring me more shame!” Zuo Shengxing had completely crushed her heart.

“Are you really willing to give him up? Don’t you love him?”

“How could I still love someone so heartless and cold?”

The nanny gently patted her head. “Miss, why are you pretending to be strong in front of me? I can see you truly love him. Don’t you?”

“Nanny…” Yan Mei threw herself into the nanny’s arms and sobbed, “Yes, yes, I really do love him… but he doesn’t love me. He hates me…”

“When did he say that? I never heard him say he hates you.” The nanny comforted her with soft pats. “Don’t give up so easily. Maybe he made a mistake today, but think about it—he’s known Xiao Xue for seven years. Trusting her is natural.”

Yan Mei looked up with tearful eyes and whispered, “That’s exactly why I’ve lost from the start. I never had a chance in this fight.”

“Who says that?” The nanny looked at her firmly. “If you don’t give him a chance to see your good side, how can he learn to love you?”

Yan Mei pouted stubbornly. “So I should lower myself to win him over? I won’t go out of my way just to please someone who treats me like nothing. He’s the one who wronged me first!”

The nanny shook her head. “If you don’t give love, how can you expect love in return?” She took Yan Mei’s hand and said sincerely, “Miss, if you really love him, stop overthinking. Listen to me—if you want his love, you have to show him your heart first.”

Yan Mei looked thoughtfully at the nanny. “Nanny, if I love him… will he love me back?”

“I don’t know. No one can promise that,” the nanny said gently. “But if you don’t try, you’ll never know.”

“I’ll make him see it.” A glow of confidence returned to Yan Mei’s face. “Nanny, just wait. I’ll show you—he will fall in love with me.”

The nanny smiled and nodded. “I’ll wait. I’ll wait and see.”

This… this is the proud, charming young lady I’ve always known.

What does it feel like to love someone?

Yan Mei had never loved anyone but Zuo Shengxing, so she didn’t know how to explain what she was feeling. She felt a hint of sweetness, but primarily, she felt bitterness and hopelessness. Was this what love really was?

No, she didn’t think so.
If Zuo Shengxing truly was hers alone, she believed love would be sweet and joyful—not this painful, confusing mess that made her want to love him but she doesn’t know how.
This feeling sat on her chest like a heavy stone, making it difficult to breathe.

Due to Xiao Xue’s deliberate scheme, Zuo Shengxing had wrongfully blamed her. On top of that, witnessing the affection between the two with her own eyes plunged Yan Mei into a deep abyss of despair. For the first time in her life, she experienced the feeling of defeat.

She should have given up; she should have known when to back out—but she just couldn’t. It wasn’t because she was unwilling to concede or because she was being stubborn or prideful. The real reason was that she didn’t want to lose Zuo Shengxing.

All these years, she had always held him in her heart—she never forgot him. Their reunion twelve years later had easily stolen her heart once again. Even though he hadn’t loved or spoiled her as she had wished—and had even hurt her deeply—it still didn’t diminish her love for him.

Of course, along with love, she also felt hatred. To be precise, her feelings for Zuo Shengxing were a mix of love and hate. The deeper the hate, the deeper the love. That’s why, to win his affection, she had to take the initiative—that’s what her nanny had told her. Whether or not Zuo Shengxing accepted her, she had to at least make her feelings known.

Prince Yongjun stayed at the Governor’s residence for ten days. During that time, Yan Mei kept her situation and grievances hidden from her father. She didn’t dare let him know; otherwise, her marriage with Zuo Shengxing would truly be over.

The night after Prince Yongjun left, Yan Mei asked the kitchen to prepare some of Zuo Shengxing’s favorite pastries. She carried the snacks and freshly brewed tea herself and made her way alone to Haoyan Pavilion, to his study. She had heard from Haitang that Zuo Shengxing often spent his evenings reading there.

Standing outside the door, Yan Mei took a moment to steady her breathing. Gathering her courage, she raised her hand and knocked.

“Come in.” It was Zuo Shengxing’s voice.

Yan Mei, you can do this! She encouraged herself, then entered with a smile on her face.

Zuo Shengxing, who had been sitting at his desk reading, stood up in surprise when he saw who it was. Yan Mei felt a bit disheartened by his reaction, but she kept her tone light. “Aren’t you going to help me carry this? It’s heavy!”

Zuo Shengxing hesitated for a moment before walking over slowly. “This is…?”

“These are your favorite pastries, and your favorite tea…”

“Why are you doing this?” Zuo Shengxing asked in a low voice.

“You should know why.” Talking to him was like playing music to a cow. Still, she kept her smile. After all, she had come to improve their relationship—not to fight.

“These past few days, we’ve only seen each other at the dining table. Have we even met elsewhere? Since you won’t come to Yongmei Garden to see me, I had no choice but to come here!” Her voice was calm, without complaint.

Zuo Shengxing looked at her with a probing gaze. “You came just to bring me these?”

You big dummy! If I didn’t want to see you, why would I go through the trouble?

Yan Mei rolled her eyes at his obliviousness, then looked around the study.

“Wow, you have so many books here. Can I read them?”

“Mm.” Zuo Shengxing nodded quietly.

“Don’t worry; I’ll be quiet. I won’t bother you.” His cold demeanor discouraged her a bit, but she forced herself to stay upbeat. “I hope you don’t think I’m here to disturb you. You can’t expect me to share a study with Father in Xiangyang Pavilion, right?”

“If you need a study, I’ll have one set up in Yongmei Garden tomorrow.”

“Sure!” Yan Mei shrugged nonchalantly.

As if I’d give up so easily! It’ll take days to set up a new study, and until then, I’ll be here every night. Don’t even think about avoiding me!

After picking out a few books, she brought a chair over to the window and calmly began to read.