The Shape of Happiness: A Family Crumbling Due to the Mother's Infidelity, a Wounded Middle School Daughter, and a Struggling Father Finding a New Form of Happiness. - Episode 15

I married Ryoko, and we were living a happy life.

Because both our parents wanted a grand ceremony, we held our wedding and reception at an extravagant hotel. Since both Ryoko and I have few friends, most of the attendees were relatives and business associates, but everyone celebrated us enthusiastically, and we were truly grateful. The memories of that day still shine brightly in a photo frame on our living room table.

“I want to have children with you, Atsushi…”

Ryoko often said this. I felt the same way and longed for a family of my own. I wanted to shower my child with love, and instead of making them worry about how I felt, I wanted them to smile peacefully when they saw my face. I didn’t want to tie them down, like being stuck in a supermarket. Just like the stars shining in the night sky, there are countless choices in life. I wanted them to reach for their own star. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to face setbacks. I wanted them to be able to get back up no matter how many times they fell and live with the hope that one day they would say, “Thank you for raising me, Mom and Dad.”

Ryoko always smiled and listened to my thoughts about our future children.

Until that day…

“Atsu-kun, I’m sorry…”

Ryoko whispered this, trembling, as she lay on a hospital bed.

Ryoko had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. It was found after some bleeding during our attempts to have children, and she underwent tests at the gynecology clinic.

Though we had grown apart during middle school, Ryoko had always cared about me. After graduating high school and entering the workforce, she decided to move forward and tried to forget me by dating another man. However, that relationship ended in about three months due to his infidelity. Since then, Ryoko had never had another boyfriend and had been single. It seemed like she had suffered a traumatic breakup.

However, during those three months, she had s3x only once. It was during that one instance that she likely contracted the virus. I had been vaccinated, but Ryoko had not.

Ryoko tearfully confessed everything to me. I found no words to say to her after learning that she had been betrayed by the person she gave her first time to, and then had a time bomb placed inside her body.

And then, Ryoko had to make the extremely painful decision that no woman should have to face. She could no longer have children. The family she had dreamed of would never come true.

My “shape of happiness” was crumbling…

Ryoko’s surgery went well. I left the supermarket to my father and mother and stayed by Ryoko’s side the whole time. Then, when she returned home after being discharged, I felt an odd sense of discomfort when I looked at her. I couldn’t tell what it was.

Ryoko was sitting on the living room sofa. She was downcast, but that was understandable. I had no words to comfort her, so I was about to make tea when suddenly…

— Why?

A voice echoed in my heart.

— Why do I have to encourage her?

My chest tightened.

—I’ve been putting up with this all along.

Yes, I’ve been enduring this empty, meaningless life.

—Do I have to endure this again?

Maybe… I do.

— What about my family?

It’s already gone.

— What about my “shape of happiness”?

That’s gone, too!

— Who destroyed it?

…Be quiet.

— Who destroyed my “shape of happiness”?

“Shut up!”

I shouted loudly, trying to shake off the evil thoughts echoing in my mind. Ryoko looked at me, surprised.

“Atsu-kun… what’s wrong?”

“N-no, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“I think you’re probably tired from being by my side all this time. I’m sorry. Please rest now.”

“You just got out of the hospital, so you should rest soon.”

Ryoko looked apologetically at me.

“Yeah, I’m sorry… Atsu-kun, you should rest soon too.”

“Uh…”

Ryoko slowly got up from the sofa. As I watched her, I suddenly remembered a comment made by a friend back in middle school.

“Matsunaga, you’re dating that ugly girl?”

As I saw Ryoko leaving the living room, a feeling of hatred welled up in my heart.

“…I can’t have my own family… It’s not my fault… I know it’s not Ryoko’s fault… I know that… but I still have to carry that person’s responsibility… I have to live with that woman… alone… until I die…”

“Matsunaga, you’re dating that ugly girl?”

“My life… whose life is this really?”

Click.

The electric kettle I had been using to boil water turned off. In front of me were two teacups and a green tea bag.

The tears I shed, full of anger, were poured into the teacup.