The Shape of Happiness: A Family Crumbling Due to the Mother's Infidelity, a Wounded Middle School Daughter, and a Struggling Father Finding a New Form of Happiness. - Episode 45
Five years have passed since the day of condemnation.
This month marks the final payment of the alimony and the remaining loan balance that I have been diligently paying every month. Of course, this is something to be happy about. The 90,000 yen that I had been paying can now be used for myself, bringing much-needed financial relief to my previously tight budget.
However, the fog that clouded my heart still hasn’t lifted. Does this mean that Shinichi and Misaki will finally forgive me? Have I truly atoned for my sins? Now that the act of paying alimony as a form of penance is over, I can’t help but feel uneasy. The guilt inside me has not faded.
With these complicated emotions weighing on me, I open my bank’s smartphone app. I check my balance, confirm my salary has been deposited, and proceed with the transfer.
—It’s done.
I can feel my connection to Shinichi and Misaki weakening all at once. There are still nearly four years of child support left. Once that is over, my ties with them will be completely severed.
There have been times when men approached me. I even thought about building my own version of happiness. But I always refused. Someone like me, who destroyed the happiness of my family and those around me, does not deserve to be happy. More than anything, Shinichi and Misaki are still in my heart. They have already remarried and built a happy family, and I have no intention of interfering. But even so, I still love Shinichi. I still love Misaki. These feelings have never faded, and I don’t want to be the one to cut our ties.
I have less than four years left before our bond is completely severed. Within that time, I must sort out my emotions. I have to forget Shinichi and Misaki. But every time I think about it, my heart aches, and I can’t stop my tears from falling. I regret it so much—why did I ever do something as foolish as having an affair?
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A few days after the transfer, a familiar envelope arrives from Shinichi. It’s the receipt.
**Receipt**
– **Alimony and remaining loan balance repayment: 90,000 yen**
– **Child support: 30,000 yen**
– **Total: 120,000 yen received**
**With this payment, the alimony and loan repayment have been completed.**
There was a short note from Shinichi. The wording was formal, but just receiving words from him made me happy. I wanted to believe that hidden in this message was the sentiment, *”Akiko, thank you for your hard work.”*
But that small hope was completely shattered.
**”Additionally, as of this payment, we will no longer be requesting child support. You do not need to make any further payments.”**
**—Shinichi Takagi**
—That was the moment our ties were cut.
I thought I still had almost four years left. But if Shinichi says it’s no longer needed, then I have no right to continue paying. Is this his kindness? Or…?
Frantically, I check the envelope over and over, hoping there might be something else inside. But all I find is this receipt, which might as well be a severance letter.
My heart pounds violently, my breathing becomes erratic, and my mind spins into panic. *Why is this happening? Why is this happening?* I clutch the receipt tightly, repeating those words over and over.
I feel like I’m drowning, grasping for anything to hold onto. In desperation, I decide to write Shinichi a letter.
I buy an envelope from the convenience store. Without proper stationery, I use report paper to pour my feelings onto the page.
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**Dear Shinichi,**
It has been a long time. This is Akiko.
I sincerely apologize for reaching out directly, despite it being forbidden.
I have transferred 100,000 yen as a penalty for breaking the rule. Please forgive me.
Regarding Misaki’s child support—
Would it be possible to continue payments for the remaining four years as originally agreed? I fully understand that I have no right to call myself her mother after abandoning her. But as I live each day consumed by regret for my foolish actions, making these payments is the only way I feel I can atone for my sins toward Misaki.
If that is not possible, then at the very least—
Could I see Misaki one last time? I do not wish to trouble your wife or mother. Please, grant this foolish woman’s final request. I will wait for your reply.
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I don’t know the proper etiquette for writing letters. I just want Shinichi to understand how I feel. I just want him to grant my last wish. With every word I write, I pour my heart into the letter.
*”Please… please… don’t cut me off… please…”*
With a silent prayer, I place the letter into an envelope and drop it into the mailbox.
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One week later—
“Nagata-san! You have a registered letter!”
A cash envelope arrives, addressed to me. I check the sender’s name—Shinichi. My hands tremble as I quickly open it. Inside, there is a single sheet of letter paper and 100,000 yen. He returned the money I sent. But that doesn’t matter to me now. What I care about is the letter.
**”Sunday, 6 PM, Prefectural Seaside Park, in front of the Ferris wheel.”**
That was all it said.
Shinichi agreed to meet me.
That means—Misaki has agreed to see me.
I clutch the letter to my chest. Maybe she won’t speak to me. Maybe she will yell at me. Maybe she will even hit me. But none of that matters. Deep in my heart, an overwhelming joy rises at the thought of seeing my daughter again.
This may be my first and last chance to apologize to Misaki properly.
With that thought in mind, I wait anxiously for Sunday to arrive.
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