The Shape of Happiness: A Family Crumbling Due to the Mother's Infidelity, a Wounded Middle School Daughter, and a Struggling Father Finding a New Form of Happiness. - Episode 9

I don’t know my father’s face —

I was apparently born into a normal family.

Although it seems like it was only for the first year or so.

My father, who named me “Akiko,” disappeared without a trace before I even turned one, leaving only a divorce paper. It seems he had been having an affair for a long time and ran away with the woman.

My mother, Saori, became a single mother in her teens. Back then, she had long brown hair and a sharp look, with a tough, country-girl vibe, but I still thought she was beautiful. As far as I know, she never had a particular boyfriend until I left home. She worked hard on her own to raise me, and I’m very grateful for that.

But I didn’t want to end up like that —

All my friends’ mothers were beautiful, but my mom didn’t wear makeup, and she was always in work clothes. In summer, she smelled like sweat, and she’d go grocery shopping dressed like that. Sometimes, I’d go to the supermarket with her, but I secretly prayed not to run into any of my friends.

Also, we were poor. My grandparents passed away when I was young, and we moved from our apartment to my mother’s family home. But the house they left behind was an old, run-down place that barely kept out the rain and wind. I wish they had left us some money, but maybe they didn’t. Given the situation, I didn’t complain about how hard my mother worked to make ends meet. But I wasn’t satisfied with not being able to buy the things I wanted. The clothes I wore were naturally cheap and plain. There were no cute prints, frills, or anything like that.

So, I naturally became a plain girl —

When I was in elementary school, I had no confidence in myself and was shy… or rather, I was gloomy and plain. I had boys I liked, but I just watched them from a distance. I wanted to become a middle schooler as soon as possible. In middle school, everyone would wear uniforms. Boys would wear sailor suits, and girls would wear blazers. There wouldn’t be any differences based on clothes. I thought my plainness would go away, but I remained plain, no matter what. There was no sweet, sour, or exciting youth.

I went to high school, but by then, I had no expectations. Everyone around me—boys and girls—was shining. I was envious. But there was nothing I could do. My high school days passed as I buried myself in studying.

Then, the first turning point in my life came —

In high school, since I focused on studying, I passed the entrance exam for a local university. My mother had saved money for my education, so I was able to go. And with this opportunity, I decided to move out of my family home. I worked part-time while living on my own, studied hard at university, and planned to get into a good company. But —

At university, I joined a club researching Japanese folk customs. A few days later, there was a welcome party. I wasn’t too keen on going, but I attended anyway.

At that party, I learned that almost no one was actually serious about the research. We would occasionally get together to hang out or go drinking. It was just a friendly group. I was about to leave, feeling tricked, when a senior sitting next to me stopped me and started talking to me.

“Akiko-chan, you’re my type, you know?” —

By the time our conversation was flowing, he said those words. I had no experience with men, so I easily fell in love with those words.

When the party ended and we left the izakaya, I was taken home by the senior, and that day, I gave myself to him completely.

From that day on, I was with him almost every day. Sometimes, we would skip university and spend the whole day focused on s3x. I was taught various things, and when I did them, he seemed very pleased. That made me happy.

Ah, I am needed by men —

Perhaps it was a reaction to everything up until then. My sexuality exploded.

One day, after I started drifting apart from that senior, another man approached me. He said he had heard about me from the senior. He thought I was a great girl. He begged me to be with him. Seeing the man pleading with me, I felt a sense of superiority. With a floating feeling, I got together with him. When I did what the senior had taught me, he was pleased too.

After that, many more men who realized my charm came to me, and I continued to be with them. My self-esteem was satisfied.

But I didn’t like s3x —

At that time, I didn’t feel that s3x was enjoyable. I would fake pleasure by moaning loudly and pretending to orgasm, and the men would be thrilled.

“Akiko-chan, you’re so sensitive.”

No, it’s all an act.

“I’ve got amazing skills and equipment.”

What an idiot. He was totally mistaken. It just hurt.

At first, I liked seeing how happy the men were from my body and actions. But now, I’ve changed. What I liked was seeing the men desperately wanting me. I liked seeing them try to claim me—one woman, Akiko—as their own, greedily and roughly. I wanted to feel that many men desired me. So, I kept being with more men. The pleasure of my heart filling up was irresistible.

I was drowning in that sea of pleasure —

The lessons I learned from my college days never left me, even after I became a working adult. Whether the men were single or married, it didn’t matter to me. Since they desired me, I just responded. I gave men a one-night dream, and in my mind, I was the goddess of love.

Then, at my company’s welcome party, I met a man.

Shinichi Takagi —

He would later become my husband.

He was my next turning point.