The Virtually Exiled Duke’s Daughter Is Troubled When Her Fiancé in a Neighboring Country Says, "I Will Never Love You" - Episode 42

“Ashley, you… No, I mean, do you hate me? Or rather, do you hate all people from Mammut? That’s why I thought it must have been unbearable for you to take my hand during the dance.”

At Deborah’s words, Ashley was momentarily at a loss. Countless unspoken words surged within him like a violent torrent of rage.

(That’s right. Give Maggie back to me. I should have only seen her as my mistress, never as a beloved woman or an elder sister. I endured so much, just so I could stay by her side. That was my only happiness. And you people took even that from me. I hate you. I want to kill every single one of you from Mammut!!)

——But in truth.

The only word that escaped his lips in the next moment was:
“Why?”

“Why…?”

Deborah’s faint expression grew slightly deeper. She was clearly troubled. Her large gray eyes lowered halfway, and from Ashley’s viewpoint looking down at her, he could see nothing but her eyelashes. Those thick, crimson lashes fluttered once more. Then, in a small voice, just loud enough that Lady Lauren could not hear, she said:
“You were the only one who showed outright hostility toward me from the very beginning. Because of that, I actually thought you were trustworthy, since you had no hidden motives.”

“!!”

Shock coursed through Ashley again. His eyes widened as he staggered two steps back. He planted his feet firmly before taking a third step, forcing himself to stop. After a long moment of stillness, he let out a deep sigh.

“Hah…”

As he exhaled completely and inhaled fresh air, his stiff body began to loosen. He covered most of his face with his right hand, while his left rested on his waist. Compared to his usual upright posture as the head butler, he now appeared unusually relaxed.

“Am I really such an easy-to-read person?”

“Huh? Well… yes. Back in my homeland, people would use more roundabout sarcasm or set traps. So, I thought you were a very straightforward person.”

“Ha.”

His voice was unusually loud, and then it weakened, repeating in short bursts.

“Ha, ha, ha.”

Finally, it turned into a weak, sorrowful laugh.

“Hahaha…”

He slid his hand from his face to his head, messing up his neatly combed hair.

“I see. So that’s how it is.”

Before Maggie, he had always worn the face of a servant. He had thought he was hiding his true emotions behind a mask. But at the same time, he had always been plagued by doubt.

What if he hadn’t hidden anything at all? What if Maggie had simply pretended not to notice…?

Swallow and Lady Lauren had assured him, “It’s fine,” but he and Maggie had known each other since childhood.

Just as he had noticed when she was forcing herself to smile, had she, too, noticed when he was forcing himself?

Ashley had lived with that fear deep in his heart. Until Maggie’s death.

After she was gone, he had abandoned himself to sorrow and hatred. He had openly displayed his anger toward Mammut. But somewhere in his heart, he had also felt relieved. Because he no longer had to wear that mask, no longer had to deceive himself.

——And he despised himself for that as much as he hated Mammut. He had driven her into a corner. He was just as responsible for her fate.

“…Swallow would scold me for this. A head butler who can’t hide his emotions is a failure.”

“That is not true.”

“No, it is. I truly am a failure.”

Ashley dismissed Deborah’s attempt to comfort him without hesitation.

“Ashley.”

Lady Lauren spoke up cautiously, looking worried. She feared he was rejecting Deborah’s kindness out of sheer stubbornness, refusing sympathy from an enemy. A little while ago, that might have been true. But now, things were different. He had finally realized—no, he had always known but had chosen to ignore it.

His hatred for Mammut was real. But Maggie’s death was not solely caused by the war between nations.

Cornell, and even himself, as well as the Marquis of Sisley, had burdened Maggie with guilt. If not for that, would she have rushed to that northern village? Would she still be alive today?

Ashley had always sensed this truth but had drowned it out with his rage against Mammut. Now, for the first time, he faced it head-on.

He looked at Deborah. Her expression was as unreadable as ever, hidden behind a mask. And yet, Ashley could see it now—she was confused, and perhaps even worried about him.

(I was taking my frustrations out on her. I was using her to escape my own guilt.)

He shook his head at Lady Lauren, then turned to Deborah and smiled. It was not a masked expression, but a wry, honest smile.

“I am merely a countryman ignorant of noble customs. I apologize for my many shortcomings.”

And he bowed his head.

Until now, Ashley had believed Deborah to be a sheltered noblewoman, raised in Mammut’s dazzling high society.

But now, he understood. That world was no paradise—it was a garden of poison.

The former marquise had cared so much about appearances, and that foolish Cornell had been left to waste away in the countryside. The aristocracy at the heart of Mammut could not have been a simple or kind place.

Deborah’s initial statement at their first meeting now made sense. Political marriages were common in the capital.

(So that’s why she said, “Many couples have children without love, yet you found it strange that I spoke of it openly.”)

If she had grown up in a world full of schemes and sarcasm, it was no surprise that she had become so guarded.

Wearing a mask of indifference or polite smiles had likely become second nature to her.

If she had found herself surrounded by the warmth of the Sisley estate, where there were no hidden motives, she must have felt lost. That explained her strange behavior.

Ashley glanced at Deborah before bowing even lower.

“I sincerely apologize for all my past rudeness toward you, Lady Deborah.”

He had not yet completely erased his doubts about her. But still.

Now that he had recognized his own misplaced resentment, he had to admit—his emotional immaturity, his lack of experience, and even his self-control fell far behind Deborah’s, despite her being younger.

That alone was reason enough to bow his head.