The Young Marquis Regrets Too Late - Chapter 67

Gu Huaisheng awkwardly touched his nose and cleared his throat upon hearing Jiang Jingchun’s words. Then, he said, “Oh, by the way, Father asked us to join him in the dining hall for dinner later. I bumped into him when I got off duty earlier; he was just coming back from outside. He went winter fishing today and said he caught a big fish.”

It was the thirtieth day of the twelfth lunar month, the eve of New Year’s Day, and the government offices were still busy. Gu Huaisheng had gone to the yamen again.

However, Marquis Gu didn’t go to work today.

Jiang Jingchun was a little surprised to hear this. Fishing in this weather? The river must already be frozen over, so why was he still fishing?

She couldn’t help but worry that the fish might not freeze to death, but Marquis Gu might end up freezing himself instead.

Seeing her expression, Gu Huaisheng chuckled and explained, “That’s just his thing.”

Marquis Gu had become utterly disheartened after Shen Changqing’s death. He couldn’t understand why a good person would end up with such a tragic fate. Everyone else was corrupt, so the one who stayed clean became the outlier, the one who didn’t belong—the bad one.

It was then that Marquis Gu lost hope.

Whatever. Since they didn’t make things easier, then he’d join them in this game of making things difficult for everyone.

Since then, he no longer cared much about court affairs and instead found other hobbies to occupy himself with.

He took up fishing. He could sit still and fish for an entire afternoon at a time.

The more he fished, the more he enjoyed it. Eventually, even Madame Gu couldn’t stand it anymore and joked that he might as well throw himself into the river.

He wouldn’t listen to whatever anyone said about his fishing.

Since no one could convince him to stop fishing, everyone just let him be.

Gu Huaisheng turned to Lou Guan and said, “Lou Guan, join us tonight. The more people, the merrier.”

Jiang Jingchun chimed in as well in agreement. 

Over the past few days, Lou Guan observed that both Marquis Gu and Madame Gu were genuinely kind people. But this was their family gathering, and he didn’t feel comfortable intruding. He smiled and politely declined.

Seeing his response, the two of them didn’t press the matter further. After all, attending such occasions could indeed feel awkward for him.

After some thought, Lou Guan spoke up, “Young Master, Miss, I’ve troubled you for these past days. Since he’s already been exiled from the capital, there’s no need for me to stay at the marquis’s residence any longer.”

His words were clearly a farewell. Initially, he had stayed out of fear that Director Li might retaliate while still in the capital. But now that the man had been exiled, there was no longer any reason for him to remain here.

Jiang Jingchun asked, “Can’t you wait until after the New Year to leave?”

Then, she realised that her request might be too forward, so she asked, “Or at least until after New Year’s Day? It’s just a couple of days away.”

Lou Guan smiled but still shook his head. “New Year is a time for family reunions. If I stay, it’ll only feel awkward. I’ve spent so many New Year days alone; I’ve grown used to it. Being around too many people only makes me uncomfortable.”

Since he had made his feelings clear, Jiang Jingchun didn’t push any further. 

He was right—someone used to being solitary might indeed struggle to adapt to sudden warmth and commotion.

What they eagerly wished for him to experience might not necessarily be a blessing in his eyes.

Jiang Jingchun fell silent for a moment before asking, “Then where will you go from here?”

Did he already have a destination in mind?

Lou Guan replied, “The world is vast; there’s always somewhere for someone to go. Now that I’m free, I can stand tall and no longer have to live under anyone’s thumb or rely on anyone anymore.”

In the past, the troupe leader had held his indenture contract, which meant he had no freedom, but things were different now.

At the very least, he still knew how to perform opera. If worse came to worst, he could play a male role and perform onstage to make a living. He wouldn’t starve.

After this, neither of them said anything more. Gu Huaisheng simply told Lou Guan, “Alright, if you’ve decided to leave, I won’t stop you. But there are some things I’d like to say to you. Let’s step outside.”

Jiang Jingchun didn’t know what Gu Huaisheng wanted to discuss with Lou Guan, but she didn’t ask. She merely watched as the two of them went out.

The snow outside had thickened. As the two of them stood under the covered corridor, they could feel the occasional snowflake drifting onto them.

Gu Huaisheng spoke first. “This winter is bitterly cold. It’ll be hard to get through it.”

The first snow this year had fallen later than usual, but it was indeed colder than in previous years.

Lou Guan didn’t quite understand his meaning.

Was this winter particularly cold? Lou Guan didn’t think so. In fact, he felt it was warmer than any winter he could remember.

But Gu Huaisheng’s words carried more weight to him than his own rationale. Perhaps this year was indeed colder than previous ones?

Gu Huaisheng continued, “It’ll be hard to endure this winter. Here’s a hundred taels. Take it as travel expenses.”

Lou Guan froze for a moment. His first instinct was to refuse. He hadn’t even repaid the money Gu Huaisheng used to buy back his contract. How could he accept more now?

He lowered his head and said, “Young Master, I…”

He wanted to say he couldn’t take it.

However, Gu Huaisheng interrupted him. “I like to see things through to the end. If I can’t finish doing something good, I’d rather not do it at all. Just think of this as me fulfilling my own wishes. Take it. It’s cold out there. If it were spring, summer, or autumn, I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to give you this money.”

His gaze didn’t fall on Lou Guan, but instead, he rested on the drifting snow in the courtyard. He added, “One always needs a bit of money to survive the winter before they can start their own spring.”

Seeing that Lou Guan still wanted to say something, Gu Huaisheng chuckled and added, “Actually, I do have something I’d like to ask you. Consider it a fee for your advice.”

Since he put it that way, Lou Guan didn’t refuse again. He simply asked, “Please go ahead, Young Master. Though I dare not call it advice.”

Aside from singing opera, what else did he know that was worth being asked about?

Gu Huaisheng withdrew his gaze and looked at him. “When my cousin first met you, she had only spent a few days with you, yet she seemed to like you very much… Why is that?”

Was it purely because Lou Guan knew how to coax her? Now that he thought about it, that didn’t seem to be the case.

Even when Lou Guan didn’t coax her, she still seemed to like him quite a bit.

Lou Guan quickly understood the meaning behind Gu Huaisheng’s words.

Over the past few days, he had sensed the subtle tension between the two of them. They were husband and wife, and they were undeniably close. That much was clear.

Yet, for some reason Lou Guan didn’t understand, it seemed that Jiang Jingchun always seemed to carry a bit of suppressed anger for Gu Huaisheng. She always liked to bicker with him about trivial matters, as if she was deliberately picking fights with him.

Lou Guan asked, “Young Master, have you done something wrong to Miss, somehow?”

Jiang Jingchun appeared to be gentle and good-natured, and she was always kind to everyone. If she was deliberately acting this way now, it was hard for him not to suspect that Gu Huaisheng had done something wrong.

And as expected, upon hearing this, Gu Huaisheng’s expression turned slightly unnatural.

Lou Guan knew he had hit the mark.

He chuckled softly and said, “The Young Madam doesn’t actually like me. She’s simply kind to everyone. As for your question about how to win her favour—it’s all just small, inconsequential tricks. But, Young Master, do you know why she’s angry? Why she’s upset?”

Perhaps Gu Huaisheng hadn’t truly entered Jiang Jingchun’s world yet and so hadn’t quite understood the way she thought.

After hearing Lou Guan’s words, Gu Huaisheng suddenly grasped something.

He always thought he understood her, thought he could read all her expressions, thought he could sense every emotion she felt. But he didn’t. His ‘understanding’ was merely assumptions born from his lofty vantage point and based on his own twenty-something years of life experience. He’d only projected his thoughts onto Jiang Jingchun.

And then what? All he had done was impose his perspective on her.

Lou Guan added, “Young Master, if I may speak candidly, if you’ve truly done something wrong, it’s always right to lower your head and apologise. Anyhow, Miss doesn’t seem so hard to appease.”

Gu Huaisheng’s face was so handsome that he could please other people by just standing still and being there. However… he was too cold, and that chilliness extended to his emotions, which made him seem distant and unapproachable.

Such coldness made it hard for anyone to get close.

Gu Huaisheng fell into contemplation. It seemed like he truly took Lou Guan’s words to heart.

Lower his head…

Shuliang had told him the same thing back then, and now Lou Guan echoed it.

Was what he’d done not enough?

After this exchange, the two didn’t continue talking. Right then, someone from Jinghua Hall came to announce that the dinner meal was ready. Lou Guan returned to his quarters.

Snow was falling outside, so Jiang Jingchun donned a cloak. She took Gu Huailang by the hand and stepped out. When she came out, she saw Gu Huaisheng still standing under the covered corridor.

Jiang Jingchun walked over and poked him. “What are you thinking about? Let’s go. They’ve sent someone to call us to the dining hall.”

Gu Huaisheng finally snapped out of his thoughts. He glanced at Jiang Jingchun. His expression was a mix of complex emotions. However, he eventually said nothing and just nodded.

The servants brought over two umbrellas. Jiang Jingchun naturally took one. She held Gu Huailang’s hand as they prepared to step into the snow.

However, Gu Huaisheng suddenly grabbed Jiang Jingchun’s wrist. She looked at him in confusion.

What now?

Gu Huaisheng glanced at the other umbrella, then at Gu Huailang.

Sensing Gu Huaisheng’s gaze, Gu Huailang instinctively felt something bad was coming. He immediately flashed a sweet smile and called out, “Brother…”

He hoped his brother might be merciful and not make him carry his own umbrella.

The little boy’s smile was heart-melting, but it didn’t seem to work on Gu Huaisheng. 

He crouched down, looked at Gu Huailang, and said, “After the New Year, one year will be added to your age. You’ll be seven.”

Gu Huailang corrected him, “No, no! My birthday is in April. Even after the New Year, I’ll still be six.”

Why did everyone insist on ageing him up?

Even their mother said he’d be seven after the New Year.

Gu Huaisheng replied, “Hmm… That’s not important. What’s important is that now you’re old enough to hold your own umbrella. You’ve grown up. You shouldn’t always rely on your sister-in-law or the servants to hold it for you, understand?”

Gu Huaisheng gave a grand-sounding excuse. Meanwhile, Gu Huailang felt as though the sky had collapsed.

No sister-in-law, no servants?

Gu Huailang looked helplessly at Jiang Jingchun, who also found this unreasonable. Gu Huailang was just a child—what harm was there in letting others hold the umbrella for him?

Gu Huaisheng read Jiang Jingchun’s expression and preemptively said, “He’s not that delicate. Let him hold it himself. If he keeps getting served as he is, he’ll only become lazy.”

While Gu Huaisheng spoke, he took the umbrella from Jiang Jingchun’s hand, grabbed her hand with his other hand, and walked into the snowy path.

Gu Huailang watched as Gu Huaisheng walked off without looking back. He reluctantly picked up the other umbrella and followed behind.

Fortunately, Gu Huaisheng wasn’t completely heartless. He walked at a slower pace and allowed Gu Huailang to keep up.

Gu Huailang followed them all the way. By the time they reached the dining hall, though, he pouted so much that his mouth was practically drooping to the floor.

The three of them passed through the gate of Jinghua Hall and stepped onto the covered corridor. They folded up their umbrellas as they went. Gu Huaisheng glanced back at Gu Huailang, then walked over to stand in front of him.

Gu Huailang wasn’t sure what his brother wanted this time, but he pouted his lips more.

Then, Gu Huailang watched Gu Huaisheng reach out and press his pouty lips back. He also heard Gu Huaisheng calmly say, “The day after tomorrow is New Year’s Day. If Mother sees you sulking like this, you’ll be scolded.”

Gu Huailang was afraid of being scolded. After hearing Gu Huaisheng’s words, he quickly dropped his sulky expression. He didn’t dare to act displeased again.

By the time the three of them arrived at the dining hall, Marquis Gu and Madame Gu were already waiting inside.

“Come, come! Try the fish I caught today—I spent a whole hour fishing for it,” Marquis Gu said with enthusiasm.

In the past, when the weather was warmer, he could sit by the water for half a day or even a whole day. But now, with the cold weather, an hour was all he could endure before his limbs went stiff.

Fortunately, his effort wasn’t in vain. He managed to catch a fish. It was a close call; otherwise, his time would have been wasted.

Jiang Jingchun shuddered after hearing Marquis Gu’s words. With such perseverance, Marquis Gu could probably achieve anything he set his mind to.

The three of them took their seats. After finishing their meal, they chatted for a while before Madame Gu brought up the matter of the court ceremony that would take place tomorrow night.

Today was the thirtieth day of the month, and tomorrow was the thirty-first. By tomorrow evening, they would have to go to the palace and prepare to stand before the Meridian Gate at midnight.

At the mention of this, Gu Huaisheng remained expressionless. However, both Jiang Jingchun and Marquis Gu wore bitter expressions. Marquis Gu had grown increasingly weary of such elaborate ceremonies, and Jiang Jingchun dreaded the thought of staying awake the entire night. Just imagining it gave her a headache.

After discussing the matter briefly, the conversation came to a close, and Gu Huaisheng and Jiang Jingchun prepared to leave. However, Gu Huailang tugged at Jiang Jingchun’s sleeve and said, “Sister-in-law, you promised earlier that you’d help me build a snowman and have a snowball fight!”

Jiang Jingchun paused and recalled her earlier promise to Gu Huailang.

It was the first snowfall of this winter, and the first snow carried great significance to children like Gu Huailang. Jiang Jingchun used to be just like him as well—eager to dash outside at the first sign of snow.

Now, as she had grown older, though, her aversion to the cold outweighed her playful spirit. 

However, breaking her promise at a time like this would ruin the mood and disappoint Gu Huailang.

Gu Huaisheng knew how much Jiang Jingchun disliked the cold and was about to refuse on her behalf. However, before he could speak, Jiang Jingchun stopped him with a disapproving look and a shake of her head. She was clearly dissatisfied with his intention to interfere.

“But it’s freezing outside,” Gu Huaisheng said.

“I’ll feel warm after running around a bit,” Jiang Jingchun replied.

With that, Jiang Jingchun pulled her cloak tighter and headed outside with Gu Huailang.

Jiang Jingchun could have easily thought like an adult and declined Gu Huailang’s childish request, but she didn’t. She still remembered what it felt like to be a child, and she understood better than anyone the sting of rejection and the disappointment of being placated with empty promises.

Many people, as they grew up, would forget that they were once children themselves. They would adopt the habits and attitudes of a grown-up.

However, Jiang Jingchun hadn’t.

She still remembered what it was like to be a child.

In these moments, Gu Huaisheng realised how Jiang Jingchun always handled such situations better than he did.

She always approached other people with such genuine empathy.

Gu Huaisheng stood up and walked outside the dining hall as well. He stood under the covered corridor and looked at Jiang Jingchun and Gu Huailang, who were running around in the snow and were now engaged in a spirited snowball fight. Jiang Jingchun always let Gu Huailang have the upper hand. The boy, who was still a kid, had no sense of restraint and just focused solely on enjoying himself.

The snow was falling in thick, fluffy flakes. In the time that they’d eaten their meal, the eaves and ground had already become blanketed with layer upon layer of snow. One needed only to scoop up snow in a handful to form a snowball.

Gu Huaisheng stepped off the corridor, bent down, and made a snowball as well. Then, he threw it at Gu Huailang.

He didn’t hold back his strength, and Gu Huailang yelped in pain upon getting hit by the snowball. He was startled and turned to glare at the person who’d thrown it at him.

Despite his old age, Gu Huailang had a temper himself. He glared at Gu Huaisheng through the falling snow and shouted, “Brother, why did you hit me!?”

Before Gu Huaisheng could reply, Jiang Jingchun seemed like she’d found something amusing. She made a snowball of her own and tossed it at Gu Huaisheng. While laughing, she said to Gu Huailang, “Xiaolang, let’s team up and get him!”

Hearing this, Gu Huailang’s spirits soared. His older brother had never played with him like this before. Now that he finally had the chance, he was more naturally more than happy to do it.

Gu Huailang quickly bent down, made another snowball, and threw it at Gu Huaisheng.

Gu Huaisheng couldn’t help chuckling when he saw Jiang Jingchun and Gu Huailang team up against him.

The two of them really didn’t have a conscience, did they?

Well, he didn’t hold back, either. He squatted down, made several snowballs, and flung them at his two opponents.

Jiang Jingchun had expected Gu Huaisheng to dodge a few snowballs and leave. She hadn’t anticipated that he’d join the game in earnest. Her interest piqued, and she began throwing snowballs at him with renewed energy.

Gu Huaisheng, however, refrained from targeting Jiang Jingchun. Most of his snowballs ended up hitting Gu Huailang instead. Seeing this, Jiang Jingchun grew anxious—yet despite her efforts, she couldn’t outmatch Gu Huaisheng.

Seeing Gu Huailang, who was now nearly buried in snow, Jiang Jingchun rushed behind Gu Huaisheng and leapt onto his back. Gu Huaisheng was startled and instinctively carried her on his back.

Jiang Jingchun, who was now perched on Gu Huaisheng’s back, reached down with her cold hands and pressed them against his neck. She laughed and called out to Gu Huailang, “Xiaolang, quick! Hit him now!”

Her hands were freezing after touching so much snow. Gu Huaisheng couldn’t suppress a hiss of discomfort as he flinched. 

Seeing his reaction, Jiang Jingchun’s eyes lit up with mischief. So, Gu Huaisheng was afraid of the cold?

She couldn’t resist teasing him further. After discovering his weakness, she eagerly pressed her icy hands against his neck again and again. She clung to his back and giggled uncontrollably as Gu Huaisheng, who was unable to evade her, resigned himself to her antics.

By the time Gu Huaisheng realised what was happening, Gu Huailang’s relentless snowballs were already pelting him. 

Since Jiang Jingchun was on his back, he couldn’t move away, and he could only resign to being at Gu Huailang’s mercy.

Once Gu Huailang had hurled enough snowballs to satisfy himself, both in quantity and amusement, Gu Huaisheng finally carried Jiang Jingchun on his back to retreat under the covered corridor.

Jiang Jingchun promptly jumped down from his back.

“Why are you such an unreasonable cheat?”

Despite saying this, Gu Huaisheng’s face showed no trace of irritation. In fact, his tone carried a hint of helplessness as he said that.

“It’s your own fault for targeting a kid,” Jiang Jingchun responded with an indignant air despite cheating. She shook off the snow on her body while speaking.

Gu Huaisheng couldn’t help but chuckle and say, “If I don’t target him, what then? Should I target my wife instead?”

If he dared to pelt her with snowballs, she’d probably make him pay for it as well.

The chill from when Jiang Jingchun pressed her cold hands against him still lingered. Gu Huaisheng felt cold, so he rubbed his hands together and exhaled warm breaths on them to ease the discomfort.

Seeing this, Jiang Jingchun didn’t argue further.

The two then accompanied Gu Huailang to build a snowman in the courtyard after that. When the hour of the Dog approached, they decided to head back to Cangzhuo Courtyard.

Their footsteps left a trail across the snowy ground, but soon, the fresh snow covered them once more.

On the way back, the two walked in silence for a while until Gu Huaisheng suddenly spoke. “You don’t have to attend tomorrow night’s imperial celebration ceremony.”

He had noticed Jiang Jingchun’s expression in the dining hall earlier. He also knew that staying up all night, which the ceremony would require, would be too much for her to handle.

Jiang Jingchun hesitantly asked, “I can skip it?”

New Year’s Day was such an important occasion, and everyone was expected to attend that ceremony. Wouldn’t it be inappropriate for her to be absent?

Gu Huaisheng leaned closer and whispered something into her ear.

Jiang Jingchun’s eyes widened in surprise. Faking an illness? Was Gu Huaisheng seriously suggesting she pretend to be sick?

For a moment, she stared at him in stunned disbelief. Her gaze was laced with curiosity. Was this really coming from Gu Huaisheng?

Gu Huaisheng saw her reaction and knew that she was in disbelief, so he added, “It’s not a big deal. In the past, some princesses and noblewomen who couldn’t endure it would feign illness to avoid the celebration. Everyone knows what’s going on, but no one makes a fuss about it.”

These long, tedious ceremonies were universally disliked. Yet, they continued to happen, year after year. Why? Because of the belief in the mandate of Heaven that the emperor received. If the emperor failed to show gratitude to Heaven, it could invite divine wrath. These rituals were deemed essential to ensure favourable weather, bountiful harvests, and overall prosperity. Over time, the ceremonies only grew more elaborate and gathered more and more importance, which eventually made them impossible to avoid or skip.

Even so, Jiang Jingchun still felt uneasy. “But if everyone else goes and I don’t, won’t people criticise you? Could the emperor hold it against you?”

She understood basic social etiquette. She knew that her absence might not reflect well on Gu Huaisheng.

Gu Huaisheng looked at Jiang Jingchun and said firmly, “If my career is affected because of this, then it’s my own incompetence. If you can’t even fall ill without consequences, that’d be because I’m too useless as a husband.”

Anyhow, who would know whether she was faking it or not?

Even if others suspected, they would only treat her as genuinely unwell. If his wife couldn’t rest when she was sick, it would only mean that he, as a husband, was useless.

People would naturally adjust their behaviour based on who they were dealing with. With a powerful enough husband, who’d risk calling her bluff?

Jiang Jingchun was reassured by his words and finally let go of her worries.

After a moment’s thought, however, she asked, “What about Mother? What will she think?”

Wouldn’t Madame Gu disapprove if she found out?

Gu Huaisheng chuckled. “Don’t worry. Last year, Father faked being sick, too.”

Since he had done it the previous year, he couldn’t very well do it again this time.

Since even Marquis Gu had done it and got away with it last year, surely Madame Gu wouldn’t mind.

Jiang Jingchun finally relaxed and resolved to go along with the plan. The thought of not having to attend the imperial celebration tomorrow brought an immediate sense of relief.

As they talked, they arrived back at Cangzhuo Courtyard.

Jiang Jingchun, who was soaked with melted snow, felt utterly uncomfortable. Once she was inside, she immediately instructed the servants to prepare hot water for her bath.

After she finished bathing, she sent Gu Huaisheng to the washroom for his turn.

With the year-end approaching, his official duties had piled up. Eventually, he moved his work from the study to their bedroom for convenience.

When he emerged from his bath, he was wrapped in a heavy cloak, and he went straight to sit at his desk.

He looked up and noticed Jiang Jingchun sitting on the bed. There was a needle in her hand, and she was working on an embroidery project.

Gu Huaisheng was surprised to see this. Why had she picked up the needle and thread this time?

He stood up and went to sit on the edge of the bed, then asked her, “What are you making?”

Jiang Jingchun didn’t pause her work as she replied, “It’s almost New Year’s, so I thought I’d embroider a scarf for Grandmother. I’ll bring it to her when I visit.”

She’d definitely visit Old Madame Jiang during the New Year, and giving her a scarf would show her that Jiang Jingchun still thought and cared about her deeply.

Gu Huaisheng nodded. He understood her intention.

Then, just like the time she had worked on the bridal veil, he made a request. “While you’re at it, make me a sachet too.”

Jiang Jingchun’s mind immediately flashed back to that day. 

A sachet again?

Why was Gu Huaisheng so fixated on sachets?

Jiang Jingchun didn’t fully understand why he wanted one, but this time, she agreed to it without much thought.

“Oh… alright.”

Now, it was Gu Huaisheng’s turn to be stunned. She actually agreed to make him one?

Hearing her reply, a subtle yet unmistakable joy lit up his face. His beautiful peach-blossom eyes sparkled with delight, and a smile formed at the corners of his lips.

He was about to say something when Jiang Jingchun suddenly looked up and asked, “Gu Huaisheng… um… Have you found any information about my father’s whereabouts?”

When Jiang Jingchun brought this up, her expression was somewhat unnatural. She had often bickered with him and opposed him, so asking Gu Huaisheng for this favour made her feel a little uncomfortable.

She had only felt comfortable enough to ask him after promising to make him a sachet. 

This way, she wouldn’t owe him anything.

Otherwise, she would always feel like she had to be more grateful to him after accepting his help.

But when Gu Huaisheng heard her question, something seemed to cross his mind. 

The smile on his face froze instantly.

It was as if he had suddenly come to a realisation. He suddenly understood why Jiang Jingchun had agreed to make him the sachet…

It wasn’t that long ago that Song Xuan’an had been detained due to an accusation of exam fraud. She had come to him for help, and in response, he had asked her to marry him…

A few days ago, she asked him to help her find her father. Did she agree to make him a sachet only because she thought he would ask for something in return for helping her in her search for her father?

Like an exchange—he helped her, so she gave him what he wanted.

In her heart, he was her husband, but not someone she trusted.

Did she think that if she displeased him, he wouldn’t help her anymore?

Was that why, when he brought up that long-refused request from the past, she agreed so readily this time?

When this realisation struck him, Gu Huaisheng felt a dull ache in his chest. It was a suffocating pain that spread relentlessly in waves.

What had he done?

Jiang Jingchun had no idea what Gu Huaisheng was thinking. He had been smiling just a moment ago, but now, his face had gone pale. Why?

His expression was so grim it made her feel uneasy. He felt as if he were about to tell her that her father was already dead.

Her heart skipped a beat. 

She asked, “Did you find him? Is he… dead?”

Although she didn’t understand why her father had abandoned her and her mother, if he were truly dead, how could she not feel anything?

Gu Huaisheng shook his head. “I’m still looking.”

“Then what’s wrong with you?” she asked in confusion.

Why had he suddenly become like this?

A tear slid from the corner of Gu Huaisheng’s eye. He reached up and covered his eyes with his hand.

Jiang Jingchun was startled. She pushed aside the embroidery basket she had been resting on her lap. She pried his hand away from his eyes, only to find that he was really crying.

What was this about? She had just asked a simple question—how had it touched such a nerve?

Gu Huaisheng seemed to choke back a sob as he said, “Do you think I’m a terrible person?”

Jiang Jingchun thought about this seriously. He had indeed been quite awful in the past, but he’d improved significantly recently.

Still, wasn’t she the one who should be crying right now? Why was he the one shedding tears?

Before she could say anything, Gu Huaisheng spoke again. “I’m sorry. I was wrong to force you to marry me. At that time, seeing you thinking about marrying someone else—I was… scared.”

He brought up that old matter again.

“I like you—more than you can imagine. But I was… slow to realise it. 

“I’m selfish and petty… But if you want me to help you, you don’t need to be so cautious. Your problems are my problems. Even if you ignore me, yell at me, or hit me, I’ll still do what you need me to do. Whatever it is, so long as it concerns you, I’ll take care of it.”

The way she tiptoed around asking him for help hurt him deeply. How could he not feel distressed? How could his heart not ache?

Gu Huaisheng took Jiang Jingchun’s hand and brought it to his lips. He stuck out his tongue and licked her palm. Then, with eyes still wet with tears, he looked at her and said, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it. You can even treat me like a dog if that is what you wish.”

Multiple people had told him to lower his head, but Gu Huaisheng didn’t know how low he’d have to bow to win Jiang Jingchun back. All he had to guide him was his heart.

Whatever he did, whatever he said, was guided by his feelings for her.

He didn’t even care if she treated him like a dog.

Jiang Jingchun was momentarily stunned by his words. For the first time, she understood what had been going through his mind.

It was true that she still harboured some resentment towards him over what had happened back then. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have clung so tightly to the words she had once hurled at him—when she’d sworn to make him regret marrying her.

When Gu Huaisheng had shoved her away after she kissed him, she’d also secretly vowed never to like him again.

She had told herself she could never yield to him or treat him kindly. She wanted him to live in frustration because, if she relented now, it would mean breaking the promises she had made to herself—and that would sting her pride more than anything.

So she pushed him, bickered with him endlessly, and deliberately tried to provoke him. She thought that giving in, backing down first, would be the same as admitting defeat.

But living this way had left her tied in knots.

Her life was hers to live; she alone could know how her life felt.

And perhaps people’s thoughts and decisions really would change over time.

She wasn’t a child anymore. She couldn’t treat everything like a game of tug-of-war and fight to win at all costs.

Now that Gu Huaisheng had said so…

He even said that she could treat him like a dog.

A person as proud and aloof as he was had now humbled himself to the lowest possible position for her—so low that he couldn’t lower himself any further.

He had already brought himself to such a level. He never wanted to quarrel with her, anyhow, so why must she continue to insist on fighting him? These were victories and defeats that no one even cared about.

She lowered her head to look at Gu Huaisheng, at the earnest expression in his eyes…

It was only then that she was struck by a sudden realisation.

She had been fighting only with herself all along.

Gu Huaisheng licked her palm like the most loyal, most obedient little dog, submissively licking its master. He gazed at her with a look in his eyes that was more devout than ever before.

His warm tongue tickled her palm and made it tingle. As she looked down at him, her heart couldn’t help but ache.

Tears started to well up in her eyes and spilt over.

She thought perhaps it was the tickling sensation in her palm that had caused the tears.

Gu Huaisheng stopped licking her hand and climbed onto the bed. He knelt before Jiang Jingchun and cupped her face with both his hands. They looked at each other with eyes that were filled with tears.

Gu Huaisheng bent down and kissed her eyes. Jiang Jingchun didn’t move away. She just closed her eyes and let him kiss her, though her tears flowed even more freely now. Gu Huaisheng kissed her eyes, then her cheeks, and eventually, he kissed her lips.

His tongue slipped into her mouth.

They cried while they kissed.

Jiang Jingchun trembled from his kiss. She felt as though everything she had was being seized, swept away by him. Even her tongue no longer felt like her own.

Her tightly guarded emotions were unravelled. The matter she had long brooded over was laid bare. The heavy topic came to an end with their kiss. Yet, detestably, at such a moment…

Desire began to stir between them.