Thirty-Six Stratagems for Divorcing a Wife (GL) - Chapter 7

When Madam Lu saw that only Nian Nianshi had come inside, her drowsiness instantly vanished and she perked right up. Inwardly she cheered—well done!

She hadn’t expected Lu Jianshou to manage this without being taught. On the very first day, she had already subdued Nian Nianshi. Though Madam Lu didn’t know exactly how it happened, this initial show of dominance would be very useful in establishing her authority as mother-in-law, which in turn would help Jianshou one day divorce her wife.

Just thinking about it made her excited.

Nian Nianshi, after all, was a princess. It never crossed her mind that her new mother-in-law, on her very first day in the household, was already scheming about how to torment her daughter-in-law.

After performing the proper formal bow, the first words out of Madam Lu’s mouth were:

“Since you’ve married into the Lu family, you are one of us. Ours is a scholarly household steeped in literary tradition. You must cast aside the airs of your noble maiden’s upbringing, so as not to disgrace the threshold of our family.”

The general, who had been about to help her up, froze for two whole seconds.
—Wife, what kind of nonsense are you spouting? Since when did our household become a family of scholars? Aren’t we a military clan? And when did you ever ask for my opinion on this?

But Madam Lu completely ignored her husband’s reaction and turned to Nian Nianshi with sharp words:
“Why aren’t you answering? Is this how little respect you have?”

Even as slow to warm up as she was, Nian Nianshi could already guess that her mother-in-law disliked her. She bowed her head and answered gently, “Nianshi understands.”

Only then did Madam Lu feel satisfied, her smugness written all over her face. “That’s good. Since this is your tea-serving ceremony, consider it your first test. If you can’t even manage such a simple thing, then I will have to punish you.”

With composure, Nian Nianshi lifted the blue-and-white porcelain tea set beside her. Warming the pot, brewing the tea, serving it—her movements were elegant and precise.

While she worked, she recited clearly:
“In the household, a daughter-in-law serves tea to honor her elders; between husband and wife, tea is shared to affirm harmony. Mother, please partake.”

Madam Lu, being a woman of the martial world, actually didn’t understand all this lofty ritual. But even without comprehension, she could see that Nian Nianshi looked exquisite doing it, leaving her no fault to find. So she drank it down in one gulp and muttered awkwardly, “Your tea set isn’t bad.”

Nian Nianshi smiled faintly and explained, “This set was tribute from Japan to my grandfather when my father was young. It has always been a treasured heirloom of our palace. I had to plead many times with my father before he finally allowed me to bring it.”

Madam Lu’s hands suddenly felt heavy holding the priceless cup. “It must be very expensive… Ahem. Your tea-serving etiquette is not bad.”

Nian Nianshi inclined her head. “I have some interest in the art of tea. If Mother-in-law wishes, I could perform a few demonstrations of the craft.”

Madam Lu had no interest in tea at all. She had already been inwardly grumbling—wasn’t it just tea? Why so many fussy steps when you gulp it down all the same? Hearing the suggestion of a demonstration, she quickly changed tack: “A daughter-in-law of the General’s household can’t just drink tea and recite poetry. She must also have a strong body!”

Seeing both Nian Nianshi and General Lu give her a look of Why would that matter?, she realized her words were hard to justify, so she bit her tongue and added, “I mean—you look frail. How will you give our Lu family plenty of heirs in the future?”

General Lu nearly spat his tea everywhere.

Even Nian Nianshi blushed from the crude words, a faint pink cloud on her cheeks. “Nianshi understands…”

“Understanding isn’t enough. I must test you myself.” As soon as Madam Lu finished speaking, she struck out with a palm filled with fierce energy, straight toward Nian Nianshi.

Caught off guard, Nian Nianshi instinctively twisted to the side. A loud crash sounded—only to reveal Lu Jianshou standing frozen in the center of the hall, staring at the shattered tea pot she had just dropped.

Her maid Jinyi had realized Madam Lu was making things difficult for her mistress, so she had gone to fetch Lu Jianshou from her nap.

Jianshou wasn’t one for etiquette. At home she was used to doing as she pleased. Seeing the tea, and feeling thirsty, she had simply walked in, poured herself a few cups, and discovered that though the brew seemed weak, it had a bitter-sweet taste that grew more pleasant the more she drank. She ended up tipping the pot back and drinking straight from it.

Only then, still savoring it, had she set it down—just in time to almost be struck by her mother’s palm.

Madam Lu had only meant to test Nian Nianshi’s martial ability. Instead, her daughter appeared out of nowhere and even smashed the priceless tea pot. At that moment, she almost wanted to bash her head against the wall along with the shards.

Jianshou had no idea how valuable the pot was. She wiped her wet hands on her clothes and beamed. “So… when’s the food coming?”

“Useless brat!” General Lu seized the chance to redirect his wife’s fury. “All you think about is eating. You don’t even care for your new wife. Are you just a bottomless pit?”

Jianshou: “……” pitiful face.

At the meal, Lu Jianshou grabbed a bun—oblivious that everyone else was weighed down with their own thoughts.

Being a true foodie, she admired Nian Nianshi even more when she saw her remain calm before a table of delicacies. So she offered warmly, “You’re family now, no need to be polite. Eat whatever you like, I’ll serve you!”

But Nian Nianshi declined gracefully. “Since Father and Mother have not yet taken their chopsticks, how could a junior move first?”

Jianshou: “……” turned to stone.

Thankfully, Madam Lu announced it was time to eat, sparing her from embarrassment. “These are just the basics. If you want a place in the General’s household, there’s much you must learn.”

Nian Nianshi set her chopsticks back down politely. “Nianshi understands.”

The air chilled again.

Jianshou couldn’t bear the silence. She chewed on her chopsticks and turned to Nian Nianshi with forced cheer. “Why do I feel you’ve become quieter since marrying me? Don’t be so tense. We’ll be spending our lives together—let’s share some fun stories and get to know each other better?”

Nian Nianshi looked troubled, glancing at Jianshou and then at Madam Lu. “Husband, as Confucius said: ‘Do not speak while eating, do not talk while sleeping.’ A scholar must follow such teachings.”

Jianshou: “……” stiff smile.

The rest of the meal went much the same.

When Jianshou complained about too many vegetables, Madam Lu scolded, “Have I not often taught you? Picking through your food is like desecrating an ancestor’s grave.”

Jianshou: “……” blank stare.

Even her father chimed in when she set her chopsticks down early: “How can you, with your status, be the first to cross your chopsticks?”

Jianshou: “……” breaking inside.

Her servant Chang Huan piled on as well: “Young master, that’s your third piece of meat. It violates the rule against taking consecutive portions.”

Jianshou: “……” utterly speechless.

She finally gave up on eating and just watched everyone else.

Looking around, she saw her mother strangely stiff and “putting on airs,” her usually stern father seeming oddly content with this harmonious tableau, and Nian Nianshi—beautiful even as she ate delicately.

Noticing Jianshou’s gaze, Nian Nianshi raised her teacup, sipped with elegance, then lowered it without taking more food.

“You’re not eating?” Jianshou frowned.

Indeed, Nian Nianshi had barely touched a few cakes and porridge—hardly a meal.

She just smiled faintly in response.

Madam Lu put down her chopsticks. “That’s enough. The general has court early tomorrow. Jianshou, come to my room.”

Jianshou stuffed a few buns into her hands as she followed. Looking back, she saw Nian Nianshi also rising to return to her quarters.