To Be the Male Lead's Deceased First Wife in a Historical Chinese Exam-focused Novel - Chapter 32

Chapter 32: A Hint of Ambiguity

Yan An had no idea she was such a shameless person. She also couldn’t understand how she ended up sleeping in such a position, holding Wen Ying. This had never happened to her before!

In Yan An’s few experiences sleeping in the same bed with close friends, they had always maintained clear boundaries, not even letting their arms touch. How could a situation like this, where they were sleeping in each other’s arms, have occurred?

And she had even buried her face in Wen Ying’s chest!

Yan An felt as if the sky had fallen and didn’t know how to face Wen Ying. Perhaps Wen Ying hadn’t realized her own orientation yet, but Yan An knew her own. So, her actions were no different from a hooligan committing an act of indecency!

She quickly reached out to pull Wen Ying’s collar back in place, then pulled the blanket over her. Her whole body was stiff, and she didn’t dare to look at Wen Ying. Her mind was still in a daze.

Wen Ying was taken aback by Yan An’s sudden movements. Then, when the blanket was pulled over her, it almost covered her entire face.

Wen Ying: “…”

She pulled the blanket down and frowned at the sight of Yan An sitting stiffly on the bed. She pulled her back to lie down, covered her with the blanket, and said, “Sitting there like that, aren’t you cold?”

Yan An’s body was extremely tense, especially now that they were sleeping in the same blanket. She could even feel the warmth coming from Wen Ying’s body. Yan An felt even more uncomfortable. Her whole body was itching, and she wished she could just hide under the blanket and never show her face again.

“What’s wrong?” Wen Ying asked softly when she saw that Yan An wasn’t saying a word.

Yan An looked at her with a sullen expression.

Was this person really clueless or just pretending to be? Things had already progressed so far! Even a fool would know what was going on!

Seeing her sullen glance, a faint smile appeared on Wen Ying’s lips. Her voice became even softer as she said, “Are you feeling embarrassed?”

“Isn’t that obvious?”

Yan An bit her lip and looked away, feeling that Wen Ying was deliberately asking the obvious.

Wen Ying chuckled softly. She raised a hand and gently touched her chest. It felt as if she could still feel Yan An’s breath against her skin. Even her heart was racing.

“But why should you be embarrassed? We are wives. We should be open with each other, shouldn’t we?”

Yan An: “…”

If you put it that way, what can I say? Do you want me to say that our relationship isn’t based on mutual love? Do you want me to say that love is a burden on your path to success?

Yan An pursed her lips and remained silent, a hint of unhappiness on her face.

It was so annoying. A lesbian should have boundaries with other lesbians, and a lesbian should also have boundaries with straight women. It was as if no one treated lesbians like human beings!

Wen Ying’s eyes dimmed when she saw Yan An’s unhappy expression. She asked in a low voice, “You don’t like this?”

Yan An was silent for a moment. Finally, she mumbled, “I just think we need to maintain a certain boundary.”

“We both know that there can’t be any romantic feelings between us, so isn’t this just irresponsible flirting?” It felt like something a heartbreaker would do.

Wen Ying stared at her, her heart feeling as if it was being squeezed by a large hand, making it hard to breathe.

“All I know is that married people should be close to each other. I’ve never heard of the need to maintain boundaries.”

“We’re different,” Yan An couldn’t help but retort.

“How are we different? Didn’t you marry me?” Wen Ying gripped the blanket tightly, trying to remain calm.

Yan An: “…” “Well, you weren’t really married to me.”

But she couldn’t say that.

“You don’t understand. You’ll understand later.” Yan An turned over and faced away from Wen Ying. She thought that once Wen Ying had seen more of the world and had a broader perspective, she would know what she truly wanted. She would also realize that their current relationship was a shackle that was holding her back.

Wen Ying was silent. In the end, she didn’t say anything else. She simply got up, put on her clothes, and went out to do chores.

As the door opened and closed, Yan An felt a little sullen inside. She couldn’t help but wonder if she had been a little too harsh. After all, the current Wen Ying was not the ambitious person she would become in the future. Her current world was very small, so small that Yan An occupied most of it.

Yan An got up and put on her clothes. When she went out, she saw Wen Ying’s back as she cleaned the chicken coop. After thinking for a moment, she quietly went into the kitchen and saw that Wen Ying had already started boiling the porridge.

She looked around and couldn’t find anything to do. She stood there in a daze, rubbing her head. “It seems this house is not that much different with or without me.”

Wen Ying washed her hands and said to Yan An, “Come here. I’ll tie your hair for you.”

“Oh.”

Upon hearing this, Yan An shoved a match into the stove and quickly ran to the courtyard.

As she sat on the small bamboo stool and let Wen Ying tie her hair, Yan An wondered what she would do with her hair if she never learned how to tie it and they went their separate ways in the future.

“Wen Ying, can you teach me? I’ll tie my own hair from now on,” Yan An said, pursing her lips.

Wen Ying’s hand, which was adjusting the hair tie, paused. “Is it not good for me to help you?”

“It is. But what if you’re not around in the future? I can’t just leave my hair a mess, can I?” Yan An was too embarrassed to say that they would part ways in the future, so she had to use this excuse.

Wen Ying was silent for a moment and then said, “Okay, I’ll teach you tomorrow.”

Yan An looked up and smiled at her.

Wen Ying looked away and went into the kitchen to check if the porridge was ready.

Yan An adjusted her hair tie, feeling a little lost. She felt that Wen Ying was avoiding her just now.

After breakfast, the two of them had nothing to do. After thinking for a moment, they each took a bamboo basket and a hoe and went up the mountain, planning to dig for some winter bamboo shoots to add to their meal.

Auntie Li saw them going into the mountain again and couldn’t help but call out to them, telling them not to go too deep into the mountain to avoid running into wild beasts.

The weather was getting colder and colder, and the wild beasts in the mountain were also starting to get hungry. Running into one would not be a good thing.

“These two, they can’t stay idle for a minute,” Auntie Li said to Zhou Xiao Lu with a hint of helplessness.

“As long as they’re comfortable, it’s fine,” Zhou Xiao Lu said with a smile. They lived next to the Yan family, so they had personally witnessed their lives getting better day by day. Especially after the feast Yan An cooked yesterday, it had completely changed everyone’s perception of her. Anyone who had eaten that meal would probably not forget the taste of her cooking.

…

Yan An followed Wen Ying into the bamboo forest. The deeper they went, the colder it got. Yan An wrapped herself in her cotton coat and couldn’t help but look at what Wen Ying was wearing.

She was still wearing her usual clothes with a long-sleeved shirt over them. Yan An couldn’t help but ask, “Wen Ying, aren’t you cold?”

Wen Ying didn’t turn around. She was squatting on the ground, checking the bamboo. She said, “I’m fine.”

Yan An pursed her lips. She thought back and realized that she hadn’t seen a single cotton coat in Wen Ying’s closet. She happened to have two, so she would give the other one to Wen Ying to alter and wear when they got back.

“How do we find them?” Yan An squatted down next to Wen Ying and followed her movements, checking the bamboo.

“Look at the color. The more white ash there is on the bamboo stalk, the more likely it’s a two-year-old bamboo. You can look carefully for any bulges or cracks within two meters of this bamboo.”

Yan An watched Wen Ying’s hands touch the bamboo, then turn to look at another bamboo. The white ash on that bamboo was much less.

“Relatively speaking, if you can find the bamboo root of this one, it will have more winter bamboo shoots than the two-year-old one,” Wen Ying said. She then occasionally looked up at the bamboo leaves and down at the base of the bamboo, and finally picked up her hoe and started digging in one spot.

Yan An watched her series of actions in a daze. While digging, Wen Ying explained to Yan An how to find the direction of the bamboo roots. Yan An also went to look for them. She couldn’t find the direction of any bamboo roots, but when she saw a bulge and a crack in the ground, she tentatively started digging.

“A bamboo shoot!” When she saw that she had actually dug out a winter bamboo shoot, Yan An immediately shouted excitedly, wanting Wen Ying to come and see.

Wen Ying was infected by her excited tone. She came over with a faint smile on her face. “You’re amazing. You found one so quickly. If you follow the bamboo root, you might find more shoots.”

“Okay!” Yan An nodded repeatedly. She was more careful when using the hoe, afraid of damaging the bamboo shoots.

Seeing her so serious, Wen Ying continued to dig along the bamboo root she had found earlier. As she dug, the golden winter bamboo shoots started to appear one by one. They were quite big, too. Just from this one root, she had found four to five catties of bamboo shoots.

When Yan An came over with her two not-so-big bamboo shoots, she saw the pile that Wen Ying had dug out.

“…”

“No way. We spent the same amount of time. How did Wen Ying dig out so many?”

Seeing Yan An’s discouraged expression, Wen Ying chuckled softly. “It’s your first time digging, and you were able to find one. You’re already better than many people. Many people can’t find a single one even if they dig for a whole day.”

“Really?” Yan An felt much better when she heard this.

“Of course. It’s a waste of energy for people who don’t know how to look for them to dig for a whole day.” Wen Ying refilled the hole she had just dug so that the bamboo could continue to grow in the future.

“Hmm.” Yan An nodded and felt happy again. Although digging for winter bamboo shoots was tiring physical labor, the sense of satisfaction she got when she actually found one was very strong!

They dug in the bamboo forest for a whole morning. Wen Ying’s basket was already half full, and Yan An’s was just barely full at the bottom. But it was still okay. The ones she dug out were probably enough for two meals.

“We can come back to dig again in the afternoon. If we dig enough, we can sell them at the market tomorrow,” Wen Ying said. They couldn’t eat too many, so selling them for money would be a good way to add to their household income.

“Okay!” Yan An was full of motivation. She felt as if other people were resting while they were secretly working hard to surpass everyone.

On the way back, they passed by Auntie Li’s house and decided to give her some winter bamboo shoots.

Looking at the ones in her basket, Yan An thought about giving all the ones she dug to Auntie Li. However, just as she was about to do so, Wen Ying stopped her.

Wen Ying took about six or seven bamboo shoots from her own basket and handed them to Auntie Li.

“You two,” Auntie Li said with a laugh, shaking her head. But seeing how they insisted on giving her the bamboo shoots, Auntie Li still took them. She said, “You worked so hard to dig these. You really don’t appreciate your own hard work.”

“We don’t need to appreciate them when we’re giving them to Auntie Li. We’re happy to do it,” Yan An said sweetly, recovering from her initial daze.

Wen Ying nodded in agreement.

Auntie Li felt her heart warm up. She urged them to go home and rest, as they had been busy all morning.

Back home, Yan An grabbed her basket and asked Wen Ying, “Why didn’t you let me give the ones I dug to Auntie Li? I didn’t damage them!”

She had been very careful when digging. The bamboo shoots didn’t even have a broken peel!

“It’s not about whether they’re damaged or not. I wanted to keep the ones you dug for us to eat,” Wen Ying said softly, pursing her lips.

Yan An was stunned. She looked down at the bamboo shoots in her basket, then at Wen Ying’s. They all looked the same. What was the difference? Was it possible that the ones she dug were sweeter than hers?

“That’s weird,” Yan An mumbled and didn’t say anything else. She went to the kitchen to prepare the lunch they were about to eat.

Wen Ying sighed softly, looking at Yan An’s back. She felt a little helpless and a little wistful.

While cooking, Yan An said to Wen Ying, who had just come in, “I have two cotton coats. You can alter the other one and wear it.”

Otherwise, when the weather got colder, how would she get by without a cotton coat?

“No need. You wear it. I have clothes,” Wen Ying refused. Yan An only had two cotton coats in total. Besides, Yan An was a clean person. Two cotton coats were just enough for her to change and wash. If she only had one, wouldn’t she be unable to change it for the whole winter?

“If you have clothes, why don’t I see you wearing them?” Yan An asked, suspicious.

Wen Ying looked at her helplessly. “You don’t need to worry. I’ll wear them if I get cold.”

Yan An was stunned. When she heard her say that she was “worrying,” she just said “Oh” and didn’t say anything else.

In her heart, she was thinking angrily that what she meant was that she was just worrying for no reason. Fine. Why should I worry so much? Wen Ying wasn’t a child. She wasn’t going to freeze to death, was she?

Seeing Yan An’s sullen face, Wen Ying walked over to her and said softly, “Yan An, I know you’re worried about me. Thank you.”

When she got so close, Yan An’s mind immediately replayed the scene from that morning. She subconsciously moved to the other side and said anxiously, “Just talk. Why are you getting so close?”

Her evasive movement was so fast that it was almost an instinctive reaction. She was instinctively resisting Wen Ying’s closeness.

Wen Ying’s expression froze for a moment. She took a step back and said, “Okay, I understand.”

After that, she didn’t look at Yan An anymore. She walked over and sat by the stove to help watch the fire.

Yan An was stunned. She looked at Wen Ying’s face with some hesitation. Why did she seem to have become so distant all of a sudden?

Yan An pursed her lips and decided not to overthink it. She saw that the pot was hot, so she started pouring oil into it and added the ingredients she had prepared.

Wen Ying looked at Yan An’s usual movements and pursed her lips. In the end, she didn’t say anything else.

Lunch was peaceful, but compared to their usual meals, there was much less conversation, other than the occasional “eat more.”

But it was fine to talk less during a meal. After all, who talks a lot while eating? Your mouth would be too busy!

“I want to raise some pigs at home,” Yan An said, discussing their future plans with Wen Ying after dinner.

If she was going to be a village cook in the future, it would be better to raise her own pigs than to buy from others. This alone would save them some costs. If their business grew in the future, they could even build a farm and hire people to raise them.

“Hmm, but we need to be more cautious about this. The market might not be big enough, and people’s living standards haven’t caught up yet.”

“Whatever you think is fine,” Wen Ying said, not having any objections. In the past, the Wen family also raised pigs, and it was her job to cut grass and feed them.

“Okay. I’ll go buy an ox and a cart tomorrow, and I’ll also ask around to see if anyone is selling any piglets.” Since Wen Ying didn’t object, the matter was settled.

Although Yan An also disliked raising pigs because it was dirty, if she kept the place clean, it shouldn’t be too unbearable, right?

Wen Ying nodded.

“You’re going to go to Teacher Yi’s house for class tomorrow. There’s ink and brushes in the study. Remember to bring them with you,” Yan An added. After all, he wasn’t charging them any tuition, so it would be very rude and ill-mannered to have him also provide the paper and brushes Wen Ying would need.

“Okay,” Wen Ying said softly. “But can you handle everything on your own?”

She was a little worried because Yan An had rarely gone out to do things on her own since she woke up.

“I can. I need to get used to doing things by myself.” In the future, Wen Ying would spend more time on her studies, so Yan An would naturally have to take on more responsibilities.

Wen Ying pursed her lips. “Let’s wake up early tomorrow. I’ll go to town with you, and then I’ll come back and go to Teacher Yi’s house.”

Most of the children in the village who were being taught by Yi Shu Hua were around seven or eight years old. He basically only taught them how to read and write in the mornings. In the afternoon, they would have one more hour of class before being dismissed. As for Wen Ying, she would have to wait until Yi Shu Hua’s afternoon class was over to begin her own lessons.

“No, that’s too much trouble. If you get too tired, you won’t be able to learn well. You can stay home and take care of the vegetable patch. I’ll handle it myself,” Yan An refused. If they went back and forth, they might not be able to make it in time and would stand up Yi Shu Hua, which would be even worse.

When Wen Ying heard her say this, she was still worried, but she also knew that once she started to read and write, she wouldn’t have much time to help Yan An. Yan An would have to handle things on her own.

After chatting about their future plans, the two of them went back into the bamboo forest and dug for winter bamboo shoots again. After digging about 20 catties, they went home. They set aside some for themselves and planned to sell the rest when Yan An went to town tomorrow.

The scale the family used to have was sold by Yan An’s parents for money. Yan An would have to buy a new one tomorrow. After noting this down on her list of things to buy, Yan An went to prepare the ink, brushes, and paper that Wen Ying would need so she could take them to Yi Shu Hua’s house tomorrow.

Wen Ying looked at Yan An preparing things for her, pursing her lips. A hint of tension was hidden in her eyes, and even her voice was a little strained.

“The things you wrote on the paper look interesting. Can you teach me?”

“Huh?” Yan An turned to look at her, also feeling nervous. After all, it would be strange for someone with “amnesia” to have her own writing system.

But fortunately, Wen Ying didn’t ask about it. She just said she wanted to learn, which made Yan An feel relieved.

Although she didn’t know what Wen Ying was thinking, she was happy that she didn’t have to rack her brain to explain this. She thought for a moment and felt that it was a good idea for Wen Ying to learn this. It would be a way for them to communicate that was unique to the two of them. What if they needed to use this method in the future?

“Sure. I’ll teach you how to write the characters when I have time later. But I can teach you the numbers now.” Yan An said readily.

When Wen Ying heard this, her tense body seemed to suddenly relax. She gave Yan An a faint smile.

Yan An was a woman of her word. When they were both warming themselves by the fire in the kitchen, Yan An carefully spread the stove ash on the ground. She took a small branch and wrote from 0 to 9, explaining to her what each number represented.

Wen Ying listened to her explanation and said, “This way of writing is very convenient, but it’s easy to be tampered with.”

“Yes. It’s very simple for normal use, but for a formal occasion, you need to write it with characters so it’s not easy to be tampered with.” Yan An didn’t expect Wen Ying to react so quickly.

Wen Ying nodded thoughtfully. She erased everything Yan An had written, then wrote the numbers from memory. After she was done, she turned her head to look at Yan An.

“That’s right! Not a single mistake!” Yan An immediately gave her a thumbs-up. She not only didn’t get a single one wrong, but she also remembered what each number was.

Wen Ying gave her a faint smile and said, “You say the number, and I’ll write it.”

Yan An immediately started calling out the numbers. She watched as Wen Ying went from having to think for a moment before writing to writing the number the second Yan An said it. Yan An was completely shocked.

“Was Wen Ying’s reaction time really that fast?! Her memory is incredible!”

With that thought, she started writing math problems on the ground and had Wen Ying solve them.

However, the addition and subtraction problems didn’t stump Wen Ying. After all, she could already do math. Yan An then started teaching her the multiplication table. She could do some simple calculations in her head, but for the more difficult ones, she had to write them down.

Yan An was silent as she watched Wen Ying’s rapid progress. If the Wen family had sent Wen Ying to study earlier, the Wen family would have probably made a name for themselves long ago. It was a shame that the family was so stubborn. They took the dowry and married Wen Ying off, and they never even came to visit her once after that.

“You’re amazing,” Yan An couldn’t help but say. Even she, when she first learned these things, couldn’t have grasped them as quickly as Wen Ying did. She really was the protagonist. Her brain was second to none.

Wen Ying chuckled softly. “You’re a good teacher.”

She felt more confident about her future. She wanted to make a name for herself as soon as possible so that Yan An could have a better life.

“No, no, you’re just smart,” Yan An waved her hand. She didn’t dare to take the credit. She also knew that she wasn’t a very patient person. If Wen Ying wasn’t smart, she would probably lose her patience after having to repeat herself a few times. Let alone teaching her well.

Wen Ying’s brain was so good that Yan An was even considering teaching her English in the future. After all, if they wanted to create a secret language, there was still a risk of her simplified Chinese characters being deciphered. But the difficulty of deciphering English at this time would not be so easy.

“But you can’t get fat in one bite. We’ll see how it goes in the future.”

“Yan An, I’m so glad I have you,” Wen Ying suddenly said.

Yan An turned her head and met Wen Ying’s eyes. She was suddenly speechless.

“Does this person not think what she just said was a little ambiguous?”