To Be the Male Lead's Deceased First Wife in a Historical Chinese Exam-focused Novel - Chapter 39

Chapter 39: Not Used to Not Being Held

Wen Ying sighed softly in her heart.

“No need. Let’s just try to finish up and go back together.”

After saying this, Wen Ying didn’t look at Yan An anymore. She reached out and took a piece of fish meat for herself and ate it silently. In her heart, she was thinking that Yan An had once said that fish and shrimp were high in protein, and that she should eat more of them.

Although she didn’t understand what Yan An meant by protein, Wen Ying knew that it must be something good for her body.

Yan An gave her a strange look. Seeing that she was really eating seriously, she didn’t say anything else.

By the time they were full, most of the people who came for the full moon celebration had already left. Yan An and the others started to get busy as soon as they finished eating. They boiled pot after pot of hot water. It was clearly not practical to wash the dishes and chopsticks with cold water on such a cold day, and hot water cleaned them more thoroughly.

They washed the dishes, wiped the tables, swept the floor, and then took the tables apart and loaded them onto the ox cart to transport them home. She wanted Wen Ying to rest for a while since there was still some time left. However, Wen Ying was as stubborn as a mule today. She didn’t listen to anything Yan An said and insisted on helping her move everything back to the Yan family’s house before she grabbed her things and hurried to Yi Shu Hua’s house.

Someone had just finished a bunch of work and was still going to class. Yan An herself was truly exhausted. Although contracting the entire banquet service could earn them more money, it was also genuinely tiring. But a good thing today was that Auntie Zhou did not default on her payment. Before they left, she not only packed some meat and vegetables for them but also paid the remaining 70% of the balance.

This made Yan An feel relieved. She was truly a little afraid of people defaulting on their payments, afraid that she wouldn’t be able to demand the payment back after she had already paid for everything.

Yan An boiled some hot water for herself, took a comfortable shower, and planned to catch up on her sleep.

But as soon as she got into bed, Yan An curled up her body in the blanket, feeling that it wasn’t as warm as it should be.

When she slept with Wen Ying, it was truly so warm that she slept extremely comfortably.

Yan An: “…”

Yan An suddenly felt a little angry. When Wen Ying didn’t let her hug her, she insisted on hugging her. Now look, she had a side effect! How was she supposed to sleep now!

She shivered and climbed out of the blanket. Yan An put her cotton jacket and some other clothes on top of her blanket, hoping to increase the warmth.

In a state of being a little cold but not completely cold, Yan An gradually fell asleep. She had only planned to take a light nap for an hour or so, but she only woke up groggily when she heard the sound of water being poured outside. Not only inside the house, but when she looked out the window, the sky was already pitch black.

She was in a daze for a while. The faint sound from outside told her that Wen Ying had returned, but she couldn’t bear to leave her blanket, which had finally warmed up.

Just as she was hesitating, Wen Ying came in with an oil lamp. She was stunned for a moment when she saw Yan An’s eyes open. Then her expression softened, and she said softly, “Are you hungry after you woke up?”

As she spoke, she walked closer and put the oil lamp on the table next to the bed. The range of light that the oil lamp could provide was very limited, and the entire room was still dim.

Yan An watched Wen Ying’s distorted reflection on the wall and said, “A little.”

She had slept for a long time. Other than being too cold to get up, Yan An was actually well-rested.

She was even worried that she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep when it was time to go to bed tonight.

Wen Ying tucked the blanket in for her. Her voice became even softer.

“Then I’ll heat up the dishes and bring them in for you to eat?”

Yan An showed a struggle on her face, but in the end, she shook her head. “I’ll get up.”

Although it was really cold, she really couldn’t stand eating in bed. If she dropped something, she would lose her mind. It would make her feel extremely disgusted.

When Wen Ying heard her say this, she didn’t try to persuade her. She just picked up the cotton clothes from the blanket. The moment Yan An sat up, she put them on her to prevent her from getting cold.

“You put all the clothes on the blanket. Is it very cold?”

Yan An nodded, feeling a little wronged.

“It was very cold when I first went to sleep. It was so hard to get warm. It’s all your fault!”

When she said the last sentence, it was quite forceful.

Wen Ying was stunned for a moment. Then she saw the angry expression on Yan An’s face. A light smile appeared in her eyes, and she said in a gentle tone, “What did I do?”

Her smiling tone seemed to be full of tolerance. Yan An felt her ears get a little hot for a moment.

She had only just realized today that Wen Ying’s voice was actually very pleasant to listen to. Was it a warm, low female voice?

She cleared her throat and mumbled, “It’s not easy to get warm when you sleep alone.”

In the end, she was too embarrassed to say that she wasn’t used to not having someone to hug.

When she heard her say this, Wen Ying’s eyes lit up slightly, and the smile on her lips deepened. She helped Yan An put on her clothes and said with a light laugh, “Then it should indeed be my fault.”

Yan An: “…” Don’t do that. It’s getting ambiguous.

Yan An touched her hot earlobe, put on her shoes, and said, “I’m hungry. Let’s go eat.”

After saying that, she walked out in a hurry, afraid that some strange atmosphere would grow between them.

Wen Ying looked at her hasty appearance, and the smile on her lips froze for a second. Then it quickly returned to normal. She picked up the oil lamp and walked out.

Before she entered the room, she had already started cooking dinner. Later, she only needed to heat up the dishes she had packed from Auntie Zhou’s house today.

Considering that Yan An had already taken a shower, Wen Ying didn’t let her do this anymore, so she wouldn’t get a smoky smell on her.

Yan An was warming herself by the fire. She remembered Ji Wan who came to find her today and asked, “How much do you know about what happened between me and Ji Wan?”

Before, she had only known the name Ji Wan from Wen Ying. Wen Ying had never said anything else about her.

Wen Ying’s hand holding the spatula paused, and the smile on her lips faded a little.

“I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

Yan An responded. “If she doesn’t know, then she doesn’t know.” “Anyway, everything that needed to be said has been said today. Things will be as they should be in the future.” And looking at the young lady’s reaction, they probably wouldn’t see each other again anytime soon.

Wen Ying glanced at her out of the corner of her eye, pursed her lips, hesitated for a long time, and finally said softly, “Do you care about her a lot?”

“Huh?” Yan An looked at Wen Ying with a strange expression. “Don’t you care about her?”

After all, most of the money they had came from Ji Wan! The amount they owed was much more than what they owed the village chief and the clan.

Wen Ying’s expression was unreadable. She stretched her mouth. “Yes, I care a lot.”

After saying this, Wen Ying didn’t say anything else. The corners of her mouth were flat without any smile, and there was a hint of coldness in her eyes.

Yan An nodded in agreement. “I care a lot too.”

Wen Ying: “…”

At dinner, Yan An looked at Wen Ying, who was unusually quiet today, and said, “What’s wrong? You seem a little unhappy?”

“I’m tired,” Wen Ying said calmly.

Yan An suddenly realized. “That’s it.” “She wouldn’t admit that she was tired before, but now she knows to admit it.”

“Then after you finish eating, take a shower and go to bed early. Don’t be busy.”

Wen Ying: “…”

She didn’t say anything else. After she finished eating and Yan An also finished, she went to wash the dishes. She urged Yan An to wash up and go to bed early to get warm.

Yan An didn’t notice anything wrong. Especially since Wen Ying was so concerned about her warmth and coldness later, she seemed to be just like usual!

She took off her clothes, climbed into bed, and shivered in the blanket. It was icy cold inside, freezing her body stiff.

“Sigh, it feels like I’m getting into bed early to warm it up for Wen Ying.”

Hearing the sound of Wen Ying bringing the wooden bucket into the room, Yan An glanced at it and then very tactfully turned her back to Wen Ying, so she wouldn’t see anything she shouldn’t when she brought the water in to take a shower.

Wen Ying’s movements were fast. After she brought all the water in, she closed the door. When she took off her clothes, she looked in the direction of the bed. Through the dim candlelight, she could vaguely see the figure that was always facing away from her.

An unknown bitter emotion enveloped Wen Ying’s heart. She pursed her lips. After taking off her clothes, she slowly got into the wooden bucket, hugged her knees, and couldn’t figure out what kind of existence she was in Yan An’s heart.

Although the two of them were a couple to the outside world, Wen Ying was very clear that when Yan An interacted with her, there was not only a clear boundary, but she would also emphasize this boundary from time to time.

Wen Ying didn’t like this feeling, but she couldn’t do anything about Yan An. She also didn’t know how to change the current situation.

After taking a shower and getting into bed, she hugged Yan An from behind. Her empty heart finally felt a little filled.

Yan An, who had thought she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep since she had rested enough earlier, gradually became sleepy while listening to the sound of Wen Ying taking a shower. Later, when she felt herself fall into a still-thin embrace, Yan An yawned softly, and sleepiness swept over her.

Wen Ying, who was watching Yan An, who was already soundly asleep, couldn’t fall asleep. As soon as she was free, the scene she saw today would repeatedly appear in her mind.

Yan An’s helpless but happy smile toward Ji Wan…

Her heart was repeatedly clenched and released by a large hand. Wen Ying raised her hand and gently rubbed her forehead. There was a suffocating feeling in her chest that she couldn’t get out, which made her toss and turn and unable to sleep.

Worried that she would affect Yan An’s sleep, Wen Ying finally carefully let go of Yan An, got out of bed, put on her clothes, and planned to spend some time in the study.

The more time she spent with Yan An, the more clearly she felt Yan An’s distance from her.

From the beginning, when she married Yan An, she knew that she was her helpless second choice. But now, Yan An was showing the same expression she once had for Ji Wan, and Wen Ying felt like she was being drowned by a tide. The feeling of suffocation almost made her lose all reason.

Facing the current Yan An, she didn’t want to accept her fate, and she was not willing to be a second choice again.

She wanted to occupy all of Yan An and didn’t want her to look at anyone else but her.

Wen Ying sat in the study. The more she thought about it, the more she fell into that emotional swamp and couldn’t get out.

“Why can’t she look at me and look at me more?”

She forced herself to get rid of all the thoughts in her mind. Wen Ying’s expression became calm, even cold. She picked up a book and started reading, gradually immersing herself completely in the words.

No matter what, only when her own abilities were strong enough and she could master more things would she have enough confidence to keep what she wanted.

…

Yan An’s body, which was initially stretched out, gradually began to curl up. Finally, a movement to turn over startled her awake. She only felt that her body was very cold.

Yan An, who had woken up, didn’t feel anyone holding her, and a question mark subconsciously appeared in her mind. She reached out her hand to the side where Wen Ying slept but found nothing. The spot was also icy cold, not at all like someone had been sleeping there.

Yan An was completely awake. She didn’t care about the cold and sat up halfway in bed, groping around. After confirming that she was the only one in the bed, Yan An’s mind almost crashed.

She truly couldn’t figure out what Wen Ying was doing up in the middle of the night when she wasn’t in bed.

She got out of bed in the dark, put on her clothes, and went out to look for her. There was no movement in the kitchen. Instead, there was a faint light coming from the study through the window.

Guessing that Wen Ying was in the study, Yan An didn’t know what to feel. She couldn’t help but wonder, “Did Wen Ying get up in the middle of the night and come to the study every day after I fell asleep?”

She walked over and opened the door. What she saw was Wen Ying’s figure bent over a book under the dim oil lamp.

Hearing the sound, Wen Ying looked up.

“Why are you up?”

She put down the book and walked to Yan An, helping her pull her clothes straight.

“I’m a little cold, so I woke up,” Yan An looked at the book Wen Ying had been reading. She was silent for a moment and then asked, “Aren’t you tired? Why are you still reading in the middle of the night? Or is this how you are every night?”

Wen Ying’s hand, which was pulling her clothes, paused. “No, I just couldn’t sleep tonight, so I thought I’d find something to do.”

Yan An looked at her with a questioning gaze. “Why couldn’t you sleep?”

“They got up so early yesterday and were so busy for so long. They should have been tired enough to fall asleep.”

Wen Ying was silent for a moment and said slowly, “Maybe I was too stressed from being busy during the day, and I haven’t adapted to it at night.”

Yan An: “…”

If she were to say that she was a workaholic, Yan An felt that it would be a very accurate description.

“Don’t look at it like that. Even if you can’t sleep, just lie in bed. If you look at a book for a long time in a dim environment, your eyes will get ruined. If your eyes go bad, there’s no such thing as glasses for you to wear,” Yan An said. It would be difficult to deal with poor eyesight in ancient times.

“Okay, I won’t. I’ll go back to bed now,” Wen Ying said obediently. She went and closed the book she was reading and put it away. She picked up the oil lamp and walked back to Yan An. “Let’s go. Back to the room.”

Yan An: “…”

When she lectured her, she listened and agreed to everything. But when she turned away and wasn’t watching, she didn’t know if she was really listening.

They went back to the room and lay in bed again. Yan An couldn’t help but ask, “You can already read on your own now?”

“This progress is amazing.”

“I can, barely, but I still come across some words I don’t know,” Wen Ying said softly. However, when she came across some words she didn’t know, she would try her best to guess their meaning based on the context.

When she heard her say this, Yan An suddenly turned over to face Wen Ying. In the darkness, she could only vaguely see her outline.

“Am I putting too much pressure on you?”

Other than this, Yan An really couldn’t figure out why Wen Ying was still studying hard in the middle of the night. She didn’t believe what Wen Ying said about being too stressed during the day and not being able to sleep.

“Hmm?” Wen Ying made a questioning sound. “Why would you say that?”

“Me telling you to study for the imperial examinations is already putting pressure on you. I’m also afraid that my expectations will give you too much pressure, making you sacrifice your rest time to study.” Yan An pursed her lips. Even though she had no intention of taking the imperial examinations now, she also knew that this matter would definitely not put a small amount of pressure on a person.

Wen Ying sighed softly. She hugged Yan An and said softly, “It has nothing to do with those things. I also don’t feel that you’re putting pressure on me. It’s really only tonight that I’m like this. I’ve never secretly gotten up to read before.”

“Really?” Yan An still didn’t believe her.

“Really…” A hint of helplessness was in Wen Ying’s tone.

“Oh.” Yan An didn’t say anything this time. It was fine as long as she didn’t put too much pressure on herself and kill herself.

“Sleep,” Wen Ying gently patted Yan An’s back.

“…”

In the end, Yan An didn’t say anything. Although she felt that Wen Ying was treating her like a child to be coaxed.

…

She didn’t know when she fell asleep, but in the morning, when the rooster crowed, Yan An felt the arms and legs still wrapped around her and couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

She didn’t want to sleep when it was time to sleep last night, and she didn’t want to get up when it was time to get up today.

But considering that she didn’t know when Wen Ying got up to read last night, Yan An, who was afraid that she hadn’t gotten enough sleep, didn’t move. She just remained in Wen Ying’s embrace, lost in thought, randomly planning the arrangements for the next banquet in a couple of days.

After an unknown amount of time, just as Yan An was about to fall back asleep, Wen Ying finally woke up. The first thing she did when she woke up was to hug Yan An even tighter.

Yan An: “…”

Yan An instantly understood that Wen Ying was the kind of person who had to hug something to fall asleep.

“Are you awake too? Do you want to sleep a little longer?” Wen Ying’s voice was a little hoarse from just waking up.

“No, I don’t.” Yan An was eager to get up. She usually didn’t want to get up, but today she had slept too much. Yan An still wanted to get up and move her body.

Wen Ying seemed to be still in a daze. She sat up and straightened her hair. She watched Yan An get out of bed and put on her clothes.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Yan An asked.

Wen Ying gradually woke up. She sat up and smoothed her hair. “There are still a lot of dishes we brought back yesterday. How about we make some porridge?”

“Okay,” Yan An didn’t object. After putting on her clothes, she stretched her body and instantly felt comfortable all over.

Wen Ying got up right after her. By the time she finished making the bed and went out, Yan An had already started a fire in the kitchen.

Yan An used one pot to boil water and another to cook porridge. She warmed herself by the fire and said to Wen Ying, “I think I should find something to do after spring.”

Now, in the winter, when everyone was free, most of the banquets were concentrated in this period. When spring came and everyone started to get busy, the number of people holding banquets would decrease a lot. If she only did this one thing, she would probably be unemployed.

Wen Ying sat down beside her. “Then what do you want to do?”

“I was thinking, we have an ox cart now, right? After spring, should I make some food and take it to the city to sell?” Yan An asked tentatively.

Although it would take a lot of time to go back and forth, it was at least cheaper than renting a store in the city.

Wen Ying pondered. “This is a feasible plan, but it’s too much work. And after summer begins, if it’s food, it probably won’t last long.”

“Hmm, if possible, after summer begins, we can try to sell other things, or just sell in the mornings.” Yan An nodded. In fact, she had some ideas in her mind, such as preserved meats or various snacks. She thought those were worth a try. She could just set up a stall, and the cost would not be too high. After summer begins, if she could get some ice, making sweet soup would also be a good choice.

Wen Ying looked at her. “Won’t you be too tired?”

Although being so busy with preparations from early in the morning was also tiring, at least this was a business that had been negotiated in advance. But if she wanted to take the food she made to the city to sell, she would have to start hawking and interacting with more people, which would double the amount of energy she needed to expend.

“It’s okay. It will definitely be tiring at the beginning, but when our situation gets better, it won’t be so tiring anymore,” Yan An said nonchalantly. If she was afraid of hardship and tiredness, she would have just ended her life and started over when she first transmigrated.

And Yan An still had a bit of a competitive spirit. Her mother was able to make the restaurant bigger and bigger and make the family’s life better and better. She was her daughter, so why couldn’t she do it?

Wen Ying sighed softly in her heart, and her eyes darkened. She only regretted that she couldn’t give Yan An a better life like Ji Wan could.

After breakfast, they went out together to graze the ox and cut pig feed. After they came back and took care of the pigs and chickens, the two of them went into the study to get busy.

Now that she was learning with Wen Ying, although she couldn’t memorize things at a glance like Wen Ying, she hadn’t fallen behind too much and was able to barely keep up.

And Wen Ying’s biggest problem now was that her handwriting was not good enough. As soon as she learned all the basic characters, the effect of her self-learning mode was amazing.

Although the two of them hadn’t explicitly talked about it, there was a strange unspoken understanding between them.

When Yan An was going out to cook for a banquet, Wen Ying would go with her. And on normal days, Yan An was the one who took care of the family. No matter how cold this winter was, or how much she wanted to jump off a building when she was busy, when she saw that the family’s situation was getting better and better, and that the constant outflow of money was finally replaced by one income after another, Yan An’s mood was still very good.

This day was a leisurely one. Yan An and Wen Ying sat in the study, warming themselves by the fire and reading. When her eyes accidentally fell on the pile of charcoal, an idea suddenly popped into Yan An’s mind: high-quality charcoal can conduct electricity.

The moment this thought appeared, goosebumps almost rose all over Yan An’s body. If she could make electricity in this world, she would probably become a person in future textbooks.

Unfortunately…

Yan An had basically forgotten all those physics theories…

And even if she hadn’t forgotten, she probably couldn’t make all those things with the current level of productivity, right?

Copper wires might be possible, but things like electric motors and insulation didn’t seem like something this era could produce.

Thinking about electricity was not as practical as thinking about the steam engine first.

“What are you thinking about?” Wen Ying asked when she saw Yan An staring at the charcoal for a long time.

“I’m thinking about the steam engine,” Yan An replied casually. After she answered, she suddenly paused. She looked up at Wen Ying, a little nervous.

Wen Ying temporarily closed the book in her hand. Like Yan An, she stared at the charcoal. She asked curiously, “What do you mean?”

Seeing that she was just curious about this and didn’t question why Yan An knew about this thing, Yan An felt relieved, and the words that followed were much more relaxed.

“It’s something that uses heat to convert into kinetic energy.” Yan An tried her best to break down what she knew and explain it to Wen Ying. As long as Wen Ying didn’t question her too much, she didn’t mind telling Wen Ying some things that were ahead of this era.

In fact, Yan An also had a vague idea in her heart.

Wen Ying was bound to achieve great things in the future and create a prosperous era with the Ninth Princess. Since that was the case, she would tell Wen Ying more about these things now. When Wen Ying gained power in the future, she might be able to promote the development of this area.

Even if these things couldn’t produce anything concrete in the short term, it would still implant this concept in people’s minds. In the future, more and more people would naturally study in this direction. When there were more people studying, they could even gain something by accident.

As Yan An spoke, Wen Ying listened seriously. From time to time, she would ask some questions that she didn’t understand. Seeing that she was really listening, Yan An explained it in more detail.

After Wen Ying understood, she had a general concept in her mind. She couldn’t help but let out a light laugh, but the laugh contained a hint of bitterness.

“I guess no matter how hard I work now, I still won’t be able to reach the heights you’ve seen before.”