Two outcasts who look down on each other share an innocent first kiss. - Chapter 12

While the eerie calls of unknown birds echoed through the trees, and strange rustling noises came from something unseen moving through the underbrush, I—we—simply walked in silence.

My entire focus was on my right hand, still being held.

That thin, awkward hand gripped four of my fingers, sometimes squeezing tightly, other times loosening as if it might slip away completely.

He probably didn’t know how much strength was appropriate. Maybe he kept wondering, Am I holding on too tight? Too loose?—unsure, repeating the motion over and over.

He’s never held a girl’s hand before.

Sometimes, he walked slower than I did, even though I was clearly exhausted. Other times, I felt a slight pull forward—like he couldn’t match my pace.

He’s never walked side-by-side with a girl before, either.

Why?

The question flickered through my mind.

Why did you come?

Why did you grab my hand?

Why are you still holding it?

I already knew the answer. But instead, I kept circling the same doubts, as if trying to run away from it.

Standing out is the thing he hates the most.

Hashiyama’s the kind of person who just wants to live quietly, unnoticed by anyone.

Just like me.

No matter how boldly I might imagine myself as the protagonist in some dramatic fantasy, in reality, I break out in nervous sweat just from having a simple conversation. I end up thinking, Never again, and retreat.

That’s the kind of person I am.

Maybe that teacher had a surprised look on her face.

Maybe the injured boy looked at him in disbelief.

That reaction—so completely out of character for him—must’ve made Hashiyama feel like he wasn’t even alive anymore.

And it’s not like I was in any real danger.

Even if I had fallen, I’d just have been embarrassed. No big injury or anything.

In fact, judging by the timing of when he grabbed my hand, he must’ve approached before I even tripped.

At that point, all I’d done was get a worried look from the teacher—I want to help the injured boy, but I’m not sure this girl will be okay alone…

This wasn’t the kind of situation that called for breaking character.

This wasn’t a moment worth risking everything he’d built over fifteen years.

And yet… here he is, holding my hand, silently climbing the mountain with me.

“…………………………”

“…………………………”

If I’m that bothered by it, I should just ask him directly.

Thinking about it won’t change anything. I should’ve learned that by now.

But I’m scared of change.

I want things to stay exactly the way they are. I don’t want to go to high school, or get a job. I don’t really care if I have friends or a boyfriend.

Because… if nothing changes, things can’t get worse.

But this guy—this guy who should be just like me—he seems like he’s trying to change.

Trying to change means trying to believe in the person you might become.

It means having hope that the future will be better.

And if, right now, he’s holding my hand like this…

It must mean I’m part of that hope.

Why?

Why?

Why?

“…Why… did you come?”

The words spilled out of me.

The hand holding mine flinched slightly, and Hashiyama turned his face toward me.

But I couldn’t look at him.

Staring at the damp ground, where fallen leaves clung to dark earth, I forced myself to continue.

“There’s… no reason for you to. I’m not cute. I’ve got a foul mouth. I always look down on people… I got all self-important just because someone invited me to hang out, and then I ran away, didn’t even bother to apologize…”

I don’t think I have any redeeming qualities.

I heard manga editors tell creators to “make characters with charm,” but if that’s the standard, I’d never even make it onto the page.

I know how much of a loser I am—it’s painfully obvious.

I blame my teammates when I lose games.

I’ve backseat-gamed in Vtuber streams before.

I check all the boxes for those annoying, inconsiderate fans people complain about online.

I usually pretend not to notice, but if I’m being honest with myself, I can’t deny it.

I’m not a good person. Not a villain, either. Just… trash.

“So why… why…”

Tears welled up without warning, and my voice started to shake.

I hate this.

I hate how I cry in moments like this, when I don’t even understand why.

And because I hate it, I don’t want to hate myself more.

That’s why I try not to get close to anyone—then I won’t have to worry about that.

Spending that month with Hashiyama was fun.

But if it’s going to make me feel like this—I’d rather be alone.

“…………………………”

Even as I sniffled and quietly cried, Hashiyama kept pulling me along without a word.

Maybe he was irritated.

Maybe he was just fed up with me.

But I’m used to that.

Tomorrow, I’ll be alone again, and it’ll be like none of this ever happened—

“…I think what you hate the most—”

Even now, Hashiyama spoke.

As if he were reciting a monologue, he gently spoke to me.

“I think… it’s making someone else uncomfortable. Not because you’re kind or anything… but because it makes you feel like your own worth is being exposed, like you’re being reminded how little you matter.”

I looked up, startled, vision still blurred with tears.

Hashiyama was facing forward.

He looked ahead at the mountain path that seemed to stretch on forever, speaking like it was a soliloquy.

As if he were talking about himself.

As if he had peered directly into my heart.

“That look on the teacher’s face—so troubled—I thought you’d hate that. Even if no one else cared, I figured for you, that kind of expression would be enough to make you want to die from shame. So I thought… at the very least, I should be the one to stay by your side.”

All the while, still holding my hand tightly.

Still walking at that same steady pace.

“At the very least… when we went to school together, when we ate lunch together, when we talked across the window… in those moments, I felt like maybe… maybe I actually belonged in this world.”

Why?

Why does he understand me so well?

It makes no sense. This is impossible.

More impossible than waking up one day and finding out I’m the heiress to some powerful conglomerate.

That someone like him exists—that someone who understands my feelings this clearly even exists at all…

It’s just not possible.

There shouldn’t be anyone out there who’s as twisted, arrogant, lazy, and careless as me.

And yet… he’s a little kinder than me.

There’s no way someone like that exists.

But if he does—

Then really…

There’s no other choice, is there?

There’s nowhere left to run.

Being with him—being with this guy—is obviously better than being alone.

That’s not fair.

It’s like a cheat code.

It’s completely unbeatable.

All those things that would make other girls run for the hills… somehow, they’re super-effective on me.

I can’t. I really can’t…

“I…!”

Hashiyama gave me a puzzled look and glanced down at our joined hands.

I must’ve been holding on too tight from nerves.

“Did something happen? …Ah, sorry. I guess holding on this long is kinda creepy, huh…”

“I-it’s fine!”

My voice came out louder than I expected, making Hashiyama flinch.

I took a breath, trying to calm down, and said again, more quietly:

“You… you don’t have to let go. Like this is… easier, actually…”

“O-oh… okay.”

Somewhere in the distance, a strange bird let out a call.

The trees rustled. The grass swayed. No human voices could be heard.

I kept walking—climbing—hand in hand with Hashiyama.

And with each step, I changed… just a little from who I used to be.

“…Sorry.”

“Huh?”

My voice was so soft it might’ve blown away with the wind, but Hashiyama didn’t miss a beat—he turned toward me right away.

“About before… I just hung up on you out of nowhere. I’m sorry. I… I just panicked. It’s not like I started hating you or anything…”

More than a month had passed.

I’d missed my chance a long time ago.

And still—I apologized.

Because I wanted to.

Because I had to.

It was the first time in my life I’d ever felt that way.

“…I’m sorry, too.”

Hashiyama replied, his voice calm and sincere.

“I’ve been thinking about it… what I said was honestly pretty creepy. I’ll be more careful from now on… so please don’t worry.”

“That’s not—well, I mean, yeah, it kinda was—but… being seen that way… as a girl, I mean—it didn’t feel bad or anything. I was kinda… excited, too…”

What am I even saying?

My mind had gone totally haywire, and I couldn’t think straight, but some primal instinct told me to just ride the wave.

That if I didn’t say it now, I’d never say it at all.

“Next time! …Next time, I’ll come hang out in your room!”

I said it.

No stuttering. No fumbling. No whispering off at the end.

Fueled by adrenaline and confusion, I managed to say something that, normally, I’d never even dream of voicing.

Hashiyama froze, completely silent, like time itself had stopped.

In those few seconds, all my awareness came rushing back, and I was ready to bolt right off the nearest cliff.

But before I could hurl myself down the slope, Hashiyama said, shyly:

“Ah… okay. I’ll… get things ready then.”

Ready? For what!?

I had no idea.

Absolutely none.

But still—

The first thing I decided to do once I got home was to look up how to fix my hair and eyebrows.