Two outcasts who look down on each other share an innocent first kiss. - Chapter 18

The average age for a first kiss is seventeen or eighteen.

We’re fifteen—or maybe sixteen.

So if we have our first kiss now… it would technically be earlier than average.

Lying flat on her back on the floor of my room, cheeks faintly flushed and ears tinged red, Sumino made that suggestion.

My instincts resisted the idea, refusing to accept it without proper understanding. I carefully, painstakingly processed her words—and no matter how I interpreted them, only one conclusion came out.

Right now.

Right here.

She wanted us—me and her—to kiss.

That’s what she was saying.

“I-It’s just… you know, I am kind of curious.”

Sumino spoke quickly, like she was trying to cover for herself, a vague, awkward smile plastered on her face.

“But I mean, I don’t have anyone to do that with, and there’s no sign that I will, so… I figured, why not just get it over with while I can? Like, while there’s an opportunity… haha…”

“‘While there’s an opportunity,’ you say…”

“But you’ve thought about it too, haven’t you? Don’t lie.”

“…Well… I mean…”

I couldn’t give her a straight answer. I was too busy scrambling for the right words to describe what I was feeling.

“…But is that really okay? For you, I mean.”

“Sure, I’ve imagined a more dramatic first kiss, I’m not gonna lie. But honestly, when is that ever going to happen? Meanwhile, everyone else is out there racking up experience, and people like us… we get left behind and laughed at. And the more that happens, the harder it gets to take the first step.”

“I get that… I do. But… if we’re just rushing into it because we’re anxious, because everyone else is doing it, even though we don’t really want to… Isn’t that kind of…”

Finally, I found the words I’d been searching for.

“…pathetic.”

Pathetic.

Not in the sense of being uncool or unattractive.

It just felt like something I couldn’t be proud of.

Sumino narrowed her eyes slightly and looked at me.

At first, I thought she was angry.

But it wasn’t like the usual “gross” or “die” kind of reaction. This was different—colder. Real anger.

My body went cold all over.

But what she said next wasn’t filled with anger.

“…So if I did want to… would that make it okay?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I like you, Hashiyama.”

The words hit me like an explosion. My heart pounded loud in my ears, and the coldness in my body was instantly replaced with heat.

“That’s why I came up with all those excuses—about being curious, or wanting to beat the average. Just so I could say I wanted to kiss you. If that’s what you needed to hear, then… there.”

“E-Even if you come up with excuses like that—”

“Ugh! You’re so annoyingly complicated!”

Suddenly, Sumino sat up and threw her arms around my neck.

“Whoa!”

She yanked me forward by the neck, pulling me down toward her.

Her face was suddenly inches from mine, and in a panic, I caught myself on both hands before I fell completely on top of her.

I ended up hovering over her, as she lay flat on the floor again.

Bathed in my shadow, Sumino stared up at me—not glancing away, not flinching, just meeting my eyes head-on in a way she rarely did.

“Stop being such a pain, you damn virgin. This is exactly why you’re not popular.”

“…You’re the one who said all that random stuff.”

“It wasn’t random.”

“So you’re serious?”

“…Yeah.”

“Then… what do you like about me?”

I didn’t think she’d be able to answer.

Even if she could come up with something, I figured it’d just be some generic, cookie-cutter response.

But—

“You forgive me.”

Her face was red.

But her gaze never left mine.

“That even when I say gross stuff or tell you to drop dead, you know I don’t mean it. You get what I’m thinking. And somehow, you’re always the one reaching out to me first.”

Her voice didn’t sound like she was just making something up.

Her expression didn’t look like she was playing pretend.

Sumino spoke quietly, carefully, and completely seriously.

“That time we saw each other through the window for the first time… when you said hi—I was happy. When you came over while I was eating lunch alone—I was really happy. At the school trip… when you took my hand… I was so happy.”

Each of her words soaked into me like warmth.

So much that it made me feel like I might cry.

“…That’s why I like you.”

She said it like a plea.

Or maybe like a challenge.

Her eyes locked onto mine as she said it—firm and unwavering—and in that moment, I remembered something from before.

When we had first moved into this house, I’d thought Sumino looked kind of cute.

But I brushed it off as a false memory—just nostalgia making her seem better than she really was.

That’s what I told myself.

But now—now, she really looked cute.

Even from this close.

So close I couldn’t look away. So close I couldn’t lie to myself.

Everything about her looked adorable to me.

—Ah, I see.

Back then… I must’ve been dreaming of this moment, deep down.

If that’s the case, then this is the continuation of that dream.

A future where my fantasy became reality.

And if that’s what this is, then—

“…Okay…”

Even if it wasn’t cool—
It was fine.

If letting it slip away meant losing this dream made real,
Then I didn’t mind looking a little pathetic.

“I’ll do it… That’s what you want, right?”

Sumino flinched slightly, opened her eyes just a bit, and gave a quiet nod.

Then she gently closed them again.

All that was left was for me to lean in.

I bent my arms, lowering myself from the push-up-like position I’d been holding—
Careful not to come down too fast—

“……………………”

My arms were trembling.

“Uh… s-sorry. Hang on.”

“…Huh? W-What?”

“My arms are tired.”

I confessed honestly, and Sumino gave me a flat, unimpressed glare.

“You bean sprout.”

“Would you rather our first kiss turned into a headbutt?”

There was no question: if I’d pushed on like that, our foreheads definitely would’ve collided.

I shifted back and off her body, and Sumino sat up with a sigh, muttering,
“So anticlimactic…”

She said she didn’t need it to be dramatic, and yeah, I agreed.
Still… this might’ve been a little too undramatic.

Then again, maybe this messiness was exactly our style.

“Well… let’s try again.”

Scooting closer, I said that as gently as I could, and Sumino, eyes slightly averted, nodded back.
“…Okay.”

I reached out cautiously and wrapped my arms around her slender waist.

Sumino accepted it and leaned in, resting her right hand on my left side, and her left hand behind my right ribs.

Her face was just twenty centimeters away.

Her usual defiant, almost glaring eyes were still there—
But just this once, they looked a little softer.

She said she liked me because I understood her.
Even if she’d made that up as an excuse…
I could say with complete certainty:

I felt the same way.

She understood me.

No matter how crowded my mind got with thoughts I could never put into words,
She understood what I meant without me ever having to explain.

Maybe that was an unhealthy kind of comfort—
The kind of relationship that keeps you from growing socially.

But to me, it felt like a little safe house
In a world that was just too hard to live in.

“Wh… What’s the holdup? Aren’t you gonna do it…?”

As I kept staring at her, Sumino furrowed her brows in irritation.

But I could tell it wasn’t anger—it was uncertainty.

That small, defensive reaction—like a nervous animal—came from being vulnerable.

“…You’re not chickening out, are you? I swear, you gloomy virgin types…”

Her whisper trembled ever so slightly.

She was afraid too, just like I was.
Afraid to take that first step.

“Shut up, gloomy virgin girl… I-I just need a second, okay?”

I relied on harsh words to cover my fear.

If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to move forward.

“You’ve already imagined this a million times in your head, right…? So hurry up and just get it over with…”

“Not if you keep talking…”

I brushed aside a few strands of her dry, slightly unkempt black hair and gently placed my hand on her cheek.

She flinched—startled, almost scared—and instinctively tried to pull away.

But I kept my arms firm around her slight, almost fragile waist, keeping her close.

“…I-It’s just a kiss, okay? Just a kiss, that’s it.”

“I know…”

“Don’t get too excited, got it!?”

“That’s your problem, you pervy introvert.”

Slowly, I leaned in.

Sumino squeezed her eyes shut tightly.

—I’d been imagining this moment since I was a kid.

What kind of girl would I share my first kiss with?

Someone gentle and refined with long hair?
Someone kind and cheerful, loved by everyone?

She’d be beautiful, the kind of girl everyone envied.
I’d be so nervous I could barely breathe.
She’d close her eyes, and I’d carefully bring my lips to hers…

But what was in front of me now didn’t look anything like that dream.

Not even close.

And yet—

More than any soft-spoken beauty.
More than any gentle, perfect girl.

This stubborn, selfish, sharp-tongued girl
Was the one I’d been dreaming of all along.

The only one.

Something soft brushed against my lips.

I didn’t know exactly what it was.

I had my eyes closed, after all—I couldn’t tell where my lips had landed.

More importantly, I’d never felt anything like it before.

But her breath brushed against me.

The soft exhale that slipped past her lips touched mine.

That alone was enough to tell me clearly what I’d just experienced.

It gave me the courage I needed.
This time, properly—I pressed my lips to hers.

“…Nnh…”

Soft.

No taste.

I was very aware of my own breathing.

But more than anything, it felt warm—and good.

Without even realizing it, I’d wrapped both arms around her, not just one.

Not too tightly—gently, so gently, afraid I might break her slender, fragile frame.

At least for the duration of this kiss, I wanted her to feel what I felt.

After maybe twenty seconds, Sumino slowly pulled away.

I opened my eyes to find her doing the same.
We were so close our noses were practically touching, staring into each other’s eyes.

My heart was racing, pounding like I’d just sprinted at full speed—
And yet, for some reason, it felt calm.

“So… that’s what it’s like, huh.”

Sumino murmured, almost like a sigh.

I asked her in a quiet voice.

“…How was it?”

“Hmm… I guess… it felt kinda nice.”

She didn’t move her hands from my back.

And I hadn’t let go of her either.

Probably for the same reason.

“…I couldn’t really tell… So… can we do it again?”

“…Yeah. It’s okay.”

Sumino closed her eyes once more.
I did the same.
And again, something soft pressed against my lips.

It was strange.

So strange.

It’s just lips touching—an act with no real biological meaning—
And yet, why did it make me feel so happy?

Sumino’s small body in my arms—

Her delicate frame, her lightness, her warmth—
If I could feel this forever, I think I could endure almost anything.

People like us—
We need more courage than most.

Just to go to school.
To talk to someone.
To knock on someone’s door.

Things so small they seem meaningless to others—
But we need courage for every one of them.

Still, even if each bit of courage is small,
When you put two of them together, they start to add up.

Maybe we really can live like this from now on.

A life that’s not dramatic in the slightest—
And yet somehow, feels like a miracle.

“……………………”

“……………………”

We parted, opened our eyes, and looked into each other again.

“…One more time?”

“Yeah.”

Until my little sister came home,
We shared our first kiss as many times as we wanted.