Unable to Fall in Love Syndrome - Chapter 30

Chapter 30 – Sunny Side Up Fairy Tale 09

She shifted slightly, her elbow jabbing into his chest.

The tip of the man’s nose brushed lightly against the back of her neck, the sensation cool at first, quickly warming up and making her itch all over. She sighed. “We’ve never even dated—what breakup are you talking about?”

“Who said anything about pretending to be a couple? You suggested it yourself. Trying to back out now?” Zuo Yi’s voice was low, his breaths puffing one after another against the back of her neck.

It was a little itchy, a little hot…

“Yeah, it’s all fake, so we’re not really… Don’t hold me so tight—loosen up a bit. You trying to strangle me?” Qiao Shan struggled again.

“You get to pretend to be my girlfriend, but I can’t pretend to be heartbroken? Qiao Shan, you can’t be that overbearing.” Zuo Yi eased his grip a little, shifting into a more comfortable position. He pulled one hand free, covered her ear with it, and whispered against the back of his hand, “You dug this hole—now you’ve got to fill it yourself.”

His palm blocked her ear, the hot breath slipping through his fingers like silken threads, tickling her ear canal.

A sense of helplessness she’d never felt before washed over her. She let out a sigh—fine, whatever. So Qiao Shan stayed like that, sleeping in his arms through the night.

The next morning, when Qiao Shan woke up, Zuo Yi was already gone from the bedroom. She quickly changed, washed up, and headed downstairs.

The relatives were all in the living room, each cradling a bowl of noodles.

As soon as she stepped in, Tian Jian came running over with a big bowl in hand and passed it to her, speaking with a slightly slow drawl. “Shanshan, try these noodles. Uncle and Brother-in-law made them—they’re so good. I scarfed down three bowls in one go.”

“Brother-in-law?” Qiao Shan took the bowl, puzzled. “Since when do you have a brother-in-law?”

Tian Jian pointed at Zuo Yi emerging from the kitchen. “Isn’t he your brother-in-law? Shanshan, everyone says I’m the silly one, but how are you even sillier? You don’t even recognize your own man.”

Qiao Shan asked, “Who taught you to say that?”

Tian Jian replied, “Brother-in-law did.”

After breakfast, Qiao Ma led the relatives off to the hotel. Back at the house, Qiao Shan stayed behind to clean up, while Zuo Yi, Ying Shengnan, and Tian Jian waited for her.

Qiao Shan went into the kitchen to wash the dishes, and Zuo Yi followed right behind.

Tian Jian sat on the floor playing with the dog, while Ying Shengnan lounged on the sofa, watching her.

Tian Jian wanted to feed the dog some ham, so she turned to him. “Uncle, can you pass me the ham sausage? I want to give it to the doggy.”

Ying Shengnan grabbed the ham from the coffee table and walked over to hand it to her. Tian Jian reached out to take it, but he suddenly pulled it back. “Jianjian, let’s talk about something.”

Tian Jian blinked up at him. “What?”

Ying Shengnan said, “Qiao Shan calls me ‘bro,’ but you calling me ‘uncle’ just doesn’t fit. How about ‘Old Ying’ instead?”

Tian Jian asked, “Why? My brother says anyone with a beard is an uncle.”

Ying Shengnan said, “Your brother’s leading you astray. I’m way too young to be an uncle.” He rubbed his stubbly chin and asked her, “You don’t like guys with stubble? Don’t you think it looks handsome and cool?”

Tian Jian shook her head. “It’s so ugly…”

It was the first time a woman had called his stubble ugly—Ying Shengnan’s heart took a brutal hit. Clutching his chest, he kept his cool. “Jianjian, I’m heading upstairs for a sec. Wait for me.”

“Go on, then.”

Tian Jian snatched the ham from his hand, bit open the casing with her teeth, and turned back to teasing the dog.

In the kitchen.

Qiao Shan was just about to plunge her hands into the soapy foam when Zuo Yi reached over and grabbed her wrist. She stared at him wide-eyed. “What are you doing? Wasn’t last night enough for you? Trying to cop a feel in broad daylight now?”

Zuo Yi stepped closer, dipping his hand into the foam instead, and murmured, “If you think me helping with the dishes counts as copping a feel, then I’ve got nothing to say.”

He bowed his head, washing the dishes with care, his long fingers gripping the cloth as he meticulously wiped the edges of the plates.

His expression was so serious and focused, as if he weren’t scrubbing dishes but polishing a precious artifact. Qiao Shan leaned against the wall, watching him in silence for a moment before speaking. “Zuo Yi, do you really think we’re a good match?”

Zuo Yi didn’t look up or answer right away. He finished rinsing the plate in his hands, set it neatly in the cabinet, and then said unhurriedly, “Match or not, you’re mine either way.”

“…Who taught you to be such a rogue overlord?” Qiao Shan asked.

“You did.” Zuo Yi replied, “That Marriage Fate app of yours—doesn’t it have all those pickup tips? The rest I couldn’t pull off, but the rogue overlord style? I can manage that with a straight face.”

“You’ve got no shame, sneaking a peek at my profile?”

“If it means chasing you, who needs shame?” Zuo Yi set the last bowl aside, washed his hands thoroughly, and turned to face her.

Qiao Shan’s eyes were bulging, her cheeks puffed out in anger. He reached over and pinched her cheek, sighing helplessly. “Stop dwelling on the stuff that upsets you. Let’s head to the hotel first for my mother-in-law’s birthday.”

She slapped his hand away, fuming. “Zuo, you bastard—in my last life, did I dig up your ancestors’ graves or something?”

Zuo Yi replied, “Probably blew up the whole galaxy.”

Qiao Shan had no comeback—this guy’s skin was thicker than a wall; there was no getting through to him. Once they got back to Jinyang, she’d settle the score properly. For now, she’d swallow her pride.

The two emerged from the kitchen but didn’t see Ying Shengnan. Qiao Shan asked Tian Jian, “Jianjian, where’d Ying Shengnan go?”

Tian Jian pointed upstairs. “He went up there.”

No sooner had the girl spoken than Ying Shengnan came down, covering the lower half of his face. Zuo Yi eyed him curiously. “Why are you hiding your face?”

Qiao Shan was baffled too.

Ying Shengnan walked over to Tian Jian and dropped his hand, flashing a row of pearly whites. “Little Jianjian?”

Tian Jian blinked at him, then gasped in surprise. “Wow, Uncle Ying, you know magic?” She cupped his face, curiously stroking his now-smooth chin.

Qiao Shan stared at Ying Shengnan’s face, feeling a pang of sympathy.

The diamond bachelor Ying Shengnan’s stubble was such an iconic feature—so manly, so distinctive… and he’d actually shaved it off!! Qiao Shan elbowed Zuo Yi and whispered, “What got into your bro? I remember him saying in an interview that he’d never shave unless the world ended or something. It was his signature look.”

Zuo Yi shoved his hands in his pockets and said flatly, “Can’t you tell? The old bull’s eyeing some tender grass.”

Ying Shengnan whipped around and shot him a glare, snapping, “You little punk, watch your mouth. Show some respect for your elders.”

Zuo Yi shrugged and wrapped an arm around Qiao Shan, steering her toward the door.

They’d barely gotten in the car when Ying Shengnan grabbed Tian Jian by the wrist and hustled her in too. Zuo Yi took the wheel, Qiao Shan rode shotgun, and Tian Jian and Ying Shengnan settled in the back.

All the way there, Ying Shengnan kept tossing out topics to chat with Tian Jian about. He soon realized the only thing he could really connect with her on was food. After a bit of that, he started laying on the praise. “Jianjian, you’re the most impressive girl I’ve ever met.”

Tian Jian blinked. “You’re lying. Everyone says I’m silly.”

Ying Shengnan looked dead serious. “No way—that’s them being dumb and blind. You can taste a dish and nail every single ingredient and seasoning without missing a beat. Regular folks can’t do that. In the food world, a tongue like yours is a priceless gem.”

Tian Jian sort of got what he was saying, more or less.

She clapped a hand over her mouth, mumbling, “A gem? So… is someone gonna try to cut out my tongue?”

Ying Shengnan replied, “Of course not. You’re way too pretty—who could bear to?”

Tian Jian let out a relieved breath. “Yeah, that makes sense. Who’d want a silly girl’s tongue anyway?”

From the front seat, Qiao Shan chimed in. “Our Jianjian’s no silly girl—she’s a genius.”

Ying Shengnan watched as the girl lowered her gaze, feeling an inexplicable twinge of anxiety. “Exactly, Jianjian’s a genius.”

Qiao Shan beamed with pride. “Don’t doubt it—not only is her tongue a treasure, her whole body’s full of them.”

Zuo Yi kept his eyes on the road, driving steadily, and tossed in casually, “Your whole body’s a treasure too.”

He was clearly implying something else entirely. If he weren’t behind the wheel, Qiao Shan would’ve slugged him right then. She pushed on. “Our Jianjian’s got a photographic memory.”

Ying Shengnan asked, “So where does Jianjian go to school?”

Qiao Shan replied, “She doesn’t. We all know she’s a genius, but her teachers and classmates treated her like a fool. To keep her from getting bullied, her brother hired tutors to teach her at home. She doesn’t care for textbook stuff, but anything that catches her interest? She picks it up in a flash. If you don’t believe me, try saying something in a foreign language for her to mimic. Skip English, Japanese, or Korean—she’s got those down. Go for something else.”

Ying Shengnan thought for a second, then turned to Tian Jian, who was fiddling with her little bear keychain, head down. “Jianjian, how about I say a phrase in Spanish, and you try repeating it? Sound good?”

Tian Jian didn’t even look up, totally absorbed in her keychain. “Why would I want to learn that from you?”

Ying Shengnan replied, “If you nail it, Old Ying’ll whip up something delicious for you. Deal?”

Tian Jian snapped her head up. “Deal!”

Ying Shengnan said, “Me alegro de verle.” (Nice to meet you.)

Tian Jian pondered it, quietly replaying his pronunciation and the way his lips moved. “Me alegro de verle.” It was a tad off, but clear enough to get the point across.

Ying Shengnan felt like he’d struck gold—he was so thrilled he wanted to scoop the girl up in a hug, but he held back, worried it’d freak her out. Instead, he bottled up the urge and asked Qiao Shan, “Does Jianjian have a boyfriend? Or… any guys she’s into?”

This time, Qiao Shan didn’t need to answer—Tian Jian piped up herself. “My brother says all men are bad eggs. I’m not allowed to like them.”

Qiao Shan fell silent. When they pulled up to the hotel, someone was waiting to whisk Tian Jian away as soon as they stepped out.

Once Tian Jian had gone off with her assistant, Qiao Shan grabbed Ying Shengnan’s arm. “Ying Shengnan, ever heard of Tian Hao?”

Ying Shengnan asked, “Who?”

“Tian Hao.” Qiao Shan paused. “If not, look him up on Baidu. He’s Jianjian’s brother—her real brother. She’s his only family, and there’s no way he’d put up with his little sister dating a guy older than him.”

Ying Shengnan said, “Hey, little matchmaker, have a heart. Do I look that old to you?”

Qiao Shan laid out the truth. “Your face doesn’t, but your actual age sure does.”

Ying Shengnan’s expression turned grave. “Damn it—first thing tomorrow when we’re back in Jinyang, I’m changing my ID. Knock off five years—would that be enough? No? Make it ten!”

Zuo Yi, who’d just parked and overheard the exchange, felt like kicking Ying Shengnan.

They’d only met the girl today, and he was already this obsessed?

What would happen down the line?