When My Contract with the Misanthropic Duke Ended, I Filed For Divorce, But My Husband's Obsession and Doting Became Unbearable - Chapter 21 – The Duke’s Perspective

How long has it been since I last cried? That was how happy I was—so happy that Sharon had opened her eyes, that I could truly feel she was alive. I must have troubled her, but at that moment, my chest had been overflowing with emotion.

Being blamed by the Second Prince and by Sharon’s brother was only natural. Even so, the thought of losing Sharon terrified me more than anything. At times, I couldn’t even hear their voices anymore—like the whole world had shrunk until only Sharon and I existed in it.

If Sharon had died, I’m sure I would have followed her out of regret. I can’t even remember how I managed to ignore these feelings for so long.
If only I had realized them sooner… Sharon wouldn’t have been pushed this far. I’ve thought that again and again, but there’s no way to turn back time.

“Ah… I did it again.”

Lately, whenever my thoughts become too heavy, I find myself doing something self-destructive, as if seeking punishment. I take a knife, cut my wrist, and only when I see the bl00d that won’t stop do I come to my senses. I know this has no meaning, yet I can’t stop. Maybe, besides punishment, this pain helps me suppress my feelings for her, even just a little.

My emotions have grown so strong that I can hardly sleep. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I see visions—hallucinations, perhaps—of Sharon locked inside a birdcage, smiling only for me, living in a world that belongs to us alone.

It’s a dream of happiness… and yet, the thought that I might one day try to make it real terrifies me.
If such a dream ever came true, would Sharon ever smile at me like that? Of course not.

I never want to make Sharon cry. That’s probably why I use these self-inflicted wounds to stop the ugly part of my love before it goes too far.

Ever since I became aware of my feelings for her, I’ve felt myself slipping away—becoming someone I don’t recognize. Maybe that’s why I tried to ignore it all along… though that’s nothing but an excuse.

“Ah… I want to see Sharon.”

Excuses or not, it’s too late. My feelings have already taken root. Every day, I want to see her—to hold her—to make her mine alone. My heart no longer knows how to stop.

“You can visit her every day if you want, though I’ll have to limit the time, okay?”

“…Second Prince, isn’t it rude to enter without permission?”

When I thought I was alone, I suddenly realized the Second Prince was standing right before me.
He seemed to have noticed both the bl00d on my wrist and the knife in my hand, but since he’s seen this sight more than once before, he didn’t seem surprised.

“I did knock, you know. You just didn’t answer again—probably lost in another one of your daydreams.”

“…I apologize for that.”

Still, entering without a response seems improper—but I couldn’t blame anyone but myself for not noticing, so I bowed my head.

“I don’t really mind,” he said, “but make sure no one else sees you like this, alright?”

“You’re the only one who comes in without waiting for an answer, Your Highness, so there’s no problem.”

He was referring, of course, to my self-harming habits. Since the Second Prince was the only one who entered without permission, no one else had ever seen it—or so I hoped.

“Then that’s fine,” he said lightly. “Anyway, I came to tell you that the divorce has been finalized.”

“The divorce… I see.”

Ah… so the day has finally come. If I don’t remarry soon—before these dark feelings overflow completely—I’m certain I’ll lose my sanity.

Sharon… Sharon… Sharon… Sharon… Sharon…

It’s a selfish wish, but please—please don’t let go of your feelings for me. So that I won’t lose myself completely and lead you into unhappiness.