Why Suffer for This Distress (GL) - Chapter 24

Su Xiyan stared at He Jingmo unblinkingly. Because she was so nervous, she unconsciously swallowed. She felt He Jingmo’s body suddenly tense up. Following that, she saw He Jingmo’s hands gradually clench into fists, and her eyebrows knitted together, as if she were trying hard to suppress something.

“Jingmo…”

Su Xiyan looked at He Jingmo, her voice nearly a sob, still refusing to give up, stubbornly holding her without letting go. He Jingmo looked at Su Xiyan silently. The tears that had been streaming down just moments ago abruptly stopped. If not for the residual tear stains on her face, it would be almost impossible to tell she had been crying. He Jingmo pulled Su Xiyan’s hands apart, looked into her eyes, and asked, word by word, “Su Xiyan, what did you say?”

He Jingmo’s voice was unexpectedly steady, but her fists were clenched tighter. She felt completely played. What is this? Su Xiyan, are you messing with me? Are you drunk and full of it, trying to deceive my feelings and my tears? Did you get your head stuck in a door or something?

Su Xiyan was still immersed in endless fear and nervousness. Seeing He Jingmo’s cold demeanor, she lost her earlier courage and said cautiously, “I think I like you…”

“You think?” He Jingmo’s voice dropped eight octaves, and the look in her eyes was as cold as thousand-year-old ice in an ice cellar. Su Xiyan bit her lip and corrected herself, “I like you.”

“Like?” He Jingmo’s face turned grim again. Still speaking in riddles? Su Xiyan was provoked by her look. She stuck her neck out and went for broke. “I’m in love with you! Whether you accept it or not, I will not change my decision!”

He Jingmo didn’t speak further but gazed intently at Su Xiyan, seemingly trying to read something on her face. At this moment, Su Xiyan was no longer joking or playing around. She looked at He Jingmo seriously, with a determination she had never shown before.

Perhaps, with more effort, more persistence, she will… she will be moved, or at least she won’t hate me.

Gradually, Su Xiyan saw a mist floating in He Jingmo’s eyes. Just as her heart began to ache faintly again, the mist disappeared, replaced by a faint glow… That light was too dazzling, causing Su Xiyan to tremble all over, looking at He Jingmo with surprise. Could it be that my feelings are not unrequited? Does Jingmo love her too?!

“But I don’t like you.”

Before she could fully process that sudden, vigorous tremor of excitement, He Jingmo turned her head and coldly spoke the truth. Su Xiyan felt like her heart had been fiercely raked by someone, leaving it riddled with holes and endless, lingering pain.

“You…”

“Did you think I liked you?” He Jingmo turned her head and stared into Su Xiyan’s eyes. Su Xiyan sadly shook her head. “No, I know your feelings for me are only those of a good friend.” She knew she shouldn’t have been presumptuous.

This idiot! He Jingmo had to clench her fists again, but the overwhelming joy mixed with the heartache was utterly impossible to hide. She quietly turned around, biting her lip and grimacing as she fought to suppress her laughter. Thank goodness, thank goodness, all these years of effort were not wasted. Only Su Xiyan, only she, could make He Jingmo soar to the peak of happiness, like riding a Ferris wheel, after plunging her into the abyss of endless sorrow. This huge emotional contrast made it impossible for He Jingmo to calm down. She decided she had to reward Su Xiyan, this great contributor, handsomely.

Unfortunately, Su Xiyan could not see this ecstatic state. From her angle, she could only see He Jingmo’s cruel turn and her stiff back. In an instant, Su Xiyan’s heart shattered, breaking into countless pieces that couldn’t be picked up.

“You still can’t accept it, is that right?” Su Xiyan asked, utterly disheartened. He Jingmo didn’t turn around but still said coldly, “If I refuse, you won’t give up, right?”

Su Xiyan flinched. Actually, she wanted to hear He Jingmo’s cruel answer, wipe her tears, run away, get completely drunk, sleep until dawn, and quietly lick her wounds alone in her little room. But she had already spoken those grand words just now, and with He Jingmo asking her this, how could she possibly back down now?

“Yes, I won’t give up!”

Unknowingly, Su Xiyan’s thoughts were following He Jingmo’s lead, and her eyes became fiercely determined. He Jingmo struggled to control her emotions, forcing her slightly upturned lips into a straight line. She turned around, her face stern, and looked at Su Xiyan.

Before she realized her feelings, Su Xiyan never felt this awkwardness. But now, having discovered her feelings, merely being looked at by He Jingmo made Su Xiyan’s face burn intensely, her heart pound violently, and her breathing quicken.

“What will you do if I reject you?”

He Jingmo folded her arms, looking down at Su Xiyan like a boss. Su Xiyan shrank, looking awkward and wronged, like a little wife. She couldn’t care about dignity or face anymore. She simply didn’t want to lose He Jingmo, didn’t want to lose her.

“I will die.”

Su Xiyan thought He Jingmo would never have the heart to let her die. After all, so many years of friendship were between them. Even if she disliked her, hearing the word “die” would surely make her feel a little soft-hearted and afraid. Unexpectedly, He Jingmo didn’t even think about it. She curved her lips and moved back, clearing the way. “Fine. The window is right behind you. Go jump.”

Su Xiyan looked at He Jingmo in disbelief, her eyes wide as bells. He Jingmo, however, showed no emotional fluctuation, watching Su Xiyan unmovingly. This was the first time in her life she experienced the joy of an oppressed person finally gaining power. She never imagined Su Xiyan would have this day. But since this day had arrived, she had to do right by herself and fully enjoy the feeling of being a “nouveau riche.” She absolutely had to torment Su Xiyan and make her understand how outrageous she had been all these years.

“Fine…” Su Xiyan nodded heavily in agreement. She looked deeply at He Jingmo, then began to walk toward the window with heavy steps, one step at a time. With every step, her heart sank half a meter. She couldn’t understand why He Jingmo wasn’t stopping her. This was the seventeenth floor. If she fell, her brains would probably splatter everywhere.

He Jingmo felt both amused and annoyed watching Su Xiyan drag her feet like a snail. This person, she used to do anything for her sake, but look at how she cherishes her own life now.

Reaching the window, looking down at the tiny buildings and the pigeons flying past the window, Su Xiyan swallowed. “Jing-Jingmo, I’m going to jump now.”

“I’m watching.” He Jingmo watched her with folded arms. Seeing Su Xiyan’s trembling calves, she genuinely felt like walking over and giving her a kick.

“Am I really jumping now?” Su Xiyan couldn’t help but call out again. He Jingmo once again nodded nonchalantly. “Go ahead.”

Now, it truly was a brave warrior stepping onto a cliff, with no turning back.

Watching Su Xiyan slowly move her foot toward the windowsill, He Jingmo also became nervous. Although she knew this person had absolutely no guts for a grand act of self-sacrifice for love, seeing her shaking and swaying, she was truly afraid Su Xiyan would accidentally slip and fall.

Su Xiyan felt her heart was about to leap out of her chest. She had suffered from acrophobia since she was a child. Being forced up this high scared her half to death, but she stubbornly did not want He Jingmo to look down on her. Finally, she gritted her teeth and closed her eyes.

He Jingmo didn’t dare to breathe. Seeing Su Xiyan’s determined expression, she thought she was truly going to jump and started to walk toward her to pull her back. Before she could reach Su Xiyan, Su Xiyan suddenly turned around, looked at her, and loudly declared, “I’ve thought it through, Jingmo! Committing suicide for love is what cowards do! I’m going to be a brave warrior! I’m going to stay alive to love you!”