Why Suffer for This Distress (GL) - Chapter 27

Under Su Xiyan’s gaze, He Jingmo felt as though the bouquet in her hand had become a hot potato. She didn’t know whether to drop it or keep it. She was awkwardly frozen in place, eventually only able to let silence speak for her.

Unexpectedly, Su Xiyan’s reaction was not the fury He Jingmo had anticipated. After a long silence, she smiled slightly and slowly walked toward He Jingmo, “Such beautiful flowers.”

“Mhm, they are, this is—”

He Jingmo, who was prepared to face Su Xiyan’s anger, was flustered and somewhat unable to adapt to her sudden change. Su Xiyan looked at her, her smile unwavering, and asked gently, “Are you done with work? Shall we go?”

“Okay.”

He Jingmo nodded, but she still didn’t know how to handle the flowers in her arms and stood there somewhat dumbfounded. Su Xiyan knew what He Jingmo was thinking. She reached out and took the bouquet from her arms, “I’ll take them. They must be heavy.”

Su Xiyan’s tenderness and understanding didn’t relieve He Jingmo. Instead, she became more nervous. Previously, whenever Su Xiyan acted so unusually, she would explode in a fit of rage, an outburst that was always difficult to endure. Su Xiyan sensed He Jingmo’s anxiety. She held the bouquet with one arm and hooked the other around He Jingmo’s back, “Alright, let’s go.”

Under everyone’s watchful eyes, the two walked out of the campus with the flowers. They didn’t speak much on the way. He Jingmo was constantly uneasy, and Su Xiyan kept her arm around her, never letting go. When they reached the parking lot, Su Xiyan flung open the car door and tossed the bouquet into the back seat. Turning around, Su Xiyan opened the passenger door and looked at He Jingmo, “Let’s go. What do you want to eat?”

He Jingmo had been silently watching Su Xiyan’s series of actions. She looked up, stared into Su Xiyan’s eyes, and asked softly, “Xiyan, did something happen?”

“You’re overthinking it. Get in the car.” Su Xiyan’s voice was still calm, but it carried a tone that brooked no argument. He Jingmo nodded, stopped asking, and got into the car.

The car drove slowly on the road. Su Xiyan put on the music He Jingmo usually loved. Looking at the various neon lights outside the car, she couldn’t bear for He Jingmo to be so uneasy and slowly began to speak, “Jingmo, all these years, because of me, you must have suffered a lot.”

Hearing this sentence, He Jingmo bit her lip, lowered her head with reddened eyes, unwilling to let Su Xiyan see her vulnerability.

The more she acted like this, the more Su Xiyan’s heart ached. She tightened her grip on the steering wheel, trying hard to control her emotions. Su Xiyan knew that at this moment, she had to be strong because He Jingmo needed her.

“Jingmo, do you know? The fearful and nervous look in your eyes when you saw me come in just now broke my heart. I thought, all these years, have you always been so concerned only with my feelings, never thinking for yourself?”

“I haven’t! You’re not that great.”

Even at this point, He Jingmo stubbornly argued, her voice choked with sobs. Su Xiyan listened, shook her head, and laughed lightly, “Actually, I’ve always felt it, but I just couldn’t guess, nor did I dare to guess. These past few days, after realizing my own feelings, I finally understood how important you are to me.”

How important you are to me…

He Jingmo’s psychological defense instantly crumbled. She looked up at Su Xiyan, seeing the distressed look in her eyes, and felt a sense of unreality.

“What’s wrong with you today? Why are you saying so many emotional things?”

He Jingmo’s anxiety and uncertainty broke Su Xiyan’s heart. She hated herself for her years of denseness, her years of avoidance. If she had known He Jingmo would be so miserable, how could she, how could she bear to let her suffer alone? Yes, she deserved to be tormented. She truly needed to cherish He Jingmo. Since He Jingmo was still absolutely determined not to admit her feelings, she should be tolerant this time and allow He Jingmo to vent the dissatisfaction she had accumulated over the years.

“How am I being emotional? I’m trying to court you, aren’t I?” Su Xiyan didn’t want He Jingmo to be too sad and switched back to her usual, familiar tone. He Jingmo didn’t speak, staring at her unblinkingly, trying to discern the truth.

“Alright, what do you want to eat later? I didn’t let you eat well this morning, so I’ll make it up to you tonight.”

Su Xiyan laughed and changed the subject. He Jingmo looked at her and frowned, “Didn’t eat well?”

“Of course. I tasted those xiaolongbao, and they were like salty eggs.”

Su Xiyan really couldn’t imagine how He Jingmo had swallowed those xiaolongbao. Perhaps years of self-restraint had long made her accustomed to it, enduring all the pain and all the misery silently alone. He Jingmo stared at Su Xiyan for a moment, sighed, “Xiyan, I wasn’t lying to you. To me, those xiaolongbao were truly delicious.”

Su Xiyan, who had been teasing moments before, couldn’t take this sentence. Her eyes instantly reddened. Something deep in her heart was confirmed again. Although the realization made her heartbroken, she was still uncontrollably happy. She desperately wanted to hold He Jingmo tightly in her arms and never let go.

And she did exactly that…

She slammed the gas pedal, pulled the car to the side of the road, turned on the hazard lights, and ignoring He Jingmo’s astonished look, Su Xiyan yanked her into her embrace, hugging her tightly, tightly.

“What exactly is wrong?” This change in Su Xiyan made He Jingmo uneasy. She didn’t know what had happened to cause such a drastic change in Su Xiyan. Su Xiyan didn’t speak, just held her tightly. He Jingmo looked at her, sighed, raised her hand, and gently patted Su Xiyan’s back, comforting her as she had done many times before: “There, there, everything is fine, okay?”

“What’s fine?” Su Xiyan countered in a muffled voice. She was dying of discomfort. This person, why didn’t she speak up? Why did she keep silent and cause them both such agony for so many years? If He Jingmo had expressed her feelings earlier, they would probably be in a much better situation now. Thankfully, it’s not too late to realize it now.

“Look at that pout.” He Jingmo pinched Su Xiyan’s mouth. Her heart melted at Su Xiyan’s spoiled behavior. Su Xiyan clung to her, whispering softly, “Jingmo, I remember when we graduated from college, I thought about how much it would hurt to be separated from you, and I cried endlessly in your arms. You comforted me just like this back then. Actually, I never understood my own feelings at the time, never understood why parting from you would hurt so much.”

“Mhm.” He Jingmo responded. Su Xiyan was a teary mess back then, constantly saying “don’t leave.” From then on, He Jingmo made up her mind not to leave her, determined to protect her for a lifetime.

“Time really flies.” Su Xiyan murmured to herself. In the blink of an eye, it had been so many years since they graduated from college. She sighed, “If only life could always be like this.”

“It will be.” He Jingmo kissed her forehead, “Everything will get better.”

“Mhm, then can you kiss me again?” Su Xiyan started making unreasonable demands as soon as she felt a little better. He Jingmo blushed and glared at her, “Don’t forget I haven’t agreed to be with you yet.”

“Hmph.” Su Xiyan sat up to start the car, grumbling unhappily, “I worked all day without eating just to come pick you up, only to be greeted by such a stimulating scene as soon as I walked in. Who is that person? So old-fashioned, sending flowers in this day and age. Sending flowers is fine, but why roses?”

He Jingmo looked at the lights outside the car window, feeling very good, and uncharacteristically agreed with her, “Mhm.” This energized Su Xiyan even more. She continued to grumble, “Sending flowers, that’s what only elementary schoolers do. It’s expensive and useless. They’re trying to create some legendary romance.”

“Mhm.”

“This person is so boring. They clearly don’t know how hard it is to earn money.”

“Mhm.”

“And they think they can capture your heart with fresh flowers. Psh, they clearly don’t know who our Jingmo is.”

“Mhm.”

“Jingmo, are you even listening to me…”

“Mhm.”

“Jingmo, you actually love me, right?”

“Mhm. Mhm???!!!”

“Hahaha.”

Arguing and bickering all the way, the two arrived home. As soon as the door opened, Su Xiyan was so tired that she flopped onto the sofa, refusing to get up. He Jingmo, resigned, went into the kitchen to cook. With her different talent, she had a table full of sumptuous dishes in less than half an hour.

Su Xiyan was eating with her head buried in the bowl, refusing to look up. He Jingmo served her soup and sighed, “Slow down, slow down. Are you that hungry?”

“I was supposed to work overtime tonight, but I rushed to finish my work early to see you.” Su Xiyan ate happily. Food at home was the best. He Jingmo felt a pang of concern, “Next time, I’ll come see you. Eat properly.”

“No way.” Su Xiyan refused without thinking. He Jingmo frowned, “Why?”

“There are so many young men and women at Angran. If they see you, they’ll be like wolves seeing meat. I can’t let you run into a wolf’s den.”

Su Xiyan’s possessive words made He Jingmo smile knowingly. But then she realized something was wrong, “They’re all young men and women, so you…”

“Hey.” Su Xiyan took a big sip of soup and answered indistinctly, “I’m too dignified. They wouldn’t dare approach.”

“Su Xiyan!” He Jingmo’s eyebrows shot up. She knew this person wouldn’t be so kind. Su Xiyan smiled, put down her bowl and chopsticks, and patted her stomach, “I’m so full, so full. Jingmo, let’s take a bath.”

“What are you saying?” He Jingmo immediately became shy, blushing as she shifted her gaze away. Su Xiyan was puzzled by her sudden change. After thinking for a moment, she burst out laughing, “What are you thinking? Haha, Jingmo, why are you so perverted?”

“Who are you calling perverted?” He Jingmo was angry, her fair face turning red. The more Su Xiyan teased her, the more amused she was. She stared intently at her face, “Tsk tsk, look at that face, red like Monkey King’s butt. Jingmo, tell me the truth, have you been secretly lusting after my beauty all these years?”

He Jingmo bit her lip, glaring at her with a hint of coyness. She reached out to pinch her face. Su Xiyan loved her shy look. She grabbed both of He Jingmo’s hands, “Tell me.” He Jingmo tried hard to pull her hands back. Su Xiyan, of course, refused to let go. She increased the pressure on her grip. As the two pulled and grabbed, they lost their balance and tumbled onto the floor together.