You Are Gentle, But You Don’t Love Me - Chapter 18

“I shouldn’t have done that…”

Juliet’s voice, blending with the sound of the receding waves, grew faint and trailed off.

As she opened up, revealing a story she had never shared with anyone before, she faltered several times. Occasionally, she would gasp for breath or tightly shut her mouth.

Each time, Cassio, still holding Juliet’s hand tightly, asked her,
“Did you have a fight with the Marchioness of Arborea?”

His question, oddly calm, might have been due to his composure, or perhaps because of his smooth, almost poetic tone. It didn’t sound like an urgent inquiry. Juliet, as if entranced, continued her story.

“No, we didn’t fight.”

‘I couldn’t really call it a fight.’

At first, it was fine. She shared the things she had been unable to write in letters, chatted about trivial matters, and during those moments, she even laughed with Rosalyn.

“But then, just before Rosalyn left…”

‘Don’t forget, I always truly wish for your happiness.’

That’s what she had said.

Was she worried about Juliet, who was marrying a man she had never met?

Even though they couldn’t spend every day together anymore, even though they would be apart… they had been sisters, the only sisters in each other’s lives.

But when Juliet heard those words, something snapped within her, suddenly and unexpectedly.

“I was angry.”

‘… Really? Did you truly wish for my happiness?’

It was something she had buried deep within, something she had hidden so no one would see, not even herself.

Resentment, hatred, jealousy, envy.

As seasons passed, these feelings, which had merely festered and dried up within her heart, began to boil over. Unbearably hot.

‘Why are you asking something so obvious?’

‘Then why…?’

By that point, Rosalyn had still been smiling. Still.

Did she think Juliet was just joking?

But Juliet was struggling to suppress the burning heat inside. Her eyes stung with tears. Something inside her felt like it was about to explode.

‘Why did you choose Romeo?’

Finally, Juliet couldn’t hold it in anymore.

‘You could have chosen something else. You have everything, you could have had anything you wanted! You could have chosen anything you desired!’

‘Juliet…?’

‘I only had that one thing…’

‘…’

‘I hate you.’

‘What kind of expression did Rosalyn have?’

Was she stunned, or had her face shown sheer disbelief?

‘I don’t remember.’

At that moment, Juliet was already crying. Her vision, blurred with tears, couldn’t capture the face of the sister she loved.

But she knew what her own face must have looked like, even without seeing it. Twisted and disfigured, with cracks running through it.

Juliet bowed her head.

‘Go, Roz.’

‘Wait, Juliet. Look up, okay?’

There was no way to take back the words she had already spilled. Even if she tried to gather the tears and force them back, what had been said couldn’t be undone.

No matter how she lowered her head to hide her face, Rosalyn had already seen the ugly distortion of her face in her eyes.

So, she ran away. She covered the lid of her heart and built a wall around herself, turning her back on reality.

“Please go, Marchioness of Arborea.”

Juliet, not knowing any other way, said it like this…

“Juliet Calliari!”

“Rosalyn Arborea.”

She ran away from the person standing right before her.

“Go.”

‘…’

“I don’t want to see you.”

“I shouldn’t have said that… At least I shouldn’t have said that.”

“….”

“She told me she was sorry for not coming sooner, that she missed me so much. That’s what Rosalyn said.”

In the end, Rosalyn had hurriedly left.

Juliet didn’t care where she went. For the first time, she had shouted at someone, cried out in anger. After doing something like that, she was completely drained.

She collapsed into sleep, almost fainting.

‘It’ll be okay… We’ll meet again tomorrow. It’ll happen naturally.’

Maybe she thought it would be fine.

“But when I woke up the next day, Rosalyn had already gone back to Arborea. And Romeo, too.”

Thus, Juliet had to hold a wedding without her beloved sister present.

Afterward, the reception followed, and as soon as it ended, Cassio left for battle. A few days later, the Duke and Duchess of Calliari left Sardinia.

Nearly a month passed in a blur, and Juliet found herself alone.

It was only later that she realized what she had done.

“It might have been better if I had said it sooner. I kept quiet until then, and then suddenly said all those things after so long.”

“Juliet.”

“You must have been so surprised. And surely… you must have been hurt, because of me.”

She had caused the one she had always admired and loved, the sister who had always loved her back, to suffer deeply.

She had wished for her happiness. So, she had decided to keep her hatred, her resentment, and all those painful emotions to herself. She had wanted her sister to be nothing but happy, without knowing any of the turmoil inside her.

How foolish.

“… Have you not met the Marchioness of Arborea again since then?”

“No, I haven’t.”

Instead, letters often arrived from Arborea.

To the Duchess of Escalus.

With such a title attached.

In those letters, Rosalyn, wanting to offer tea or suggesting a trip together, invited Juliet. Sometimes, she also proposed that they go on a leisure trip since the weather was nice.

But Juliet turned them all down.

“Why?”

How many times had he asked this already? Cassio still asked, his tone calm as ever.

This time, Juliet couldn’t answer immediately. Cassio, not waiting for her reply, continued speaking in a steady tone.

“Juliet, you know, don’t you? That the Marchioness of Arborea doesn’t really hate you.”

“…”

Yes, she knew.

The letters she received from Rosalyn, careful and hesitant in their invitations, were proof of that.

“So, what are you afraid of?”

But Juliet, unlike him, couldn’t handle it.

“… Me.”

She simply couldn’t do it.

“What if… I ruin everything again…”

She had already seen her own bottom once.

She often snapped at the maids for trivial reasons and had hurt her parents, who cared for her, on several occasions. She had seen herself in such a pitiful state, to the point of exhaustion.

If only she had gone through immense pain, she wouldn’t have thought this way. If something truly painful and horrific had happened to her, and that was why she acted the way she did.

‘If only…’

She could have blamed someone else, or the world.

But the things Juliet had experienced were, in fact, nothing special. For someone else, they could have easily brushed it off.

If she became the kind of person who hurt others for such insignificant reasons…

“What if… what if I really am that bad of a person?”

Perhaps she was just the kind of person who easily hurt others, then dwelled on her own suffering. In the end, she would end up hurting herself and falling apart.

If that was Juliet Calliari’s true nature…

“So, what if I hurt someone else again?”

“…”

“What if I ruin everything again…?”

Then it would be better not to meet anyone.

Anyone who loved her, or anyone she loved. She would rather push them away, isolating herself and only tormenting herself.

But living like that would be terribly lonely and exhausting.

“… I wish I could just disappear.”

The words, murmured in a fading voice, were the first true words she had ever spoken. She had never told anyone before.

Juliet realized what she had just said, immediately regretting it.

‘No, I shouldn’t have said that.’

She had lived peacefully in the castle, avoiding the boundary between life and death, and now, saying something like this to someone who had fought and returned from it…

‘I shouldn’t have…’

But once the words were out, she couldn’t take them back. As she had realized long ago.

“Juliet.”

Her head hung low, as though waiting for the reprimands and advice she deserved.

But, in her lowered gaze, what she saw was not her own clenched fist, but someone’s hand still holding hers.

“If you go back, would you have dinner with me?”

“…”

“I think it’ll be too difficult today… Maybe tomorrow, or in a few days.”

Cassio didn’t scold her or offer advice. He didn’t even comfort her. He simply made a quiet, almost absurdly normal suggestion.

“And come again, to this beach.”

Juliet, who had lowered her head, slowly lifted it. When their eyes met, Cassio gave a faint smile.

“It doesn’t have to be here. Anywhere you want to go, as long as it’s where you want to be.”

“… Duke?”

“Let’s go together.”

A voice, calm and warm, like the waves washing over the shore, reached her ears.

Juliet, unable to blink, captured the face of the man who was looking at her.

“Go where you want to go, see what you want to see. And, little by little, you’ll come to understand.”

Bit by bit, bit by bit, he drew closer. From just under two arm’s lengths, to one, and then to half.

A red hue flickered at the edges of his light green eyes, which were now right in front of her.

“How kind Juliet Calliari is.”

Even though the sun hadn’t set yet.

Juliet, as if mesmerized, lifted her unheld hand. Her small hand gently touched the soft, white skin at the back of Cassio’s neck.

“You… you have a fever.”

“…”

“You’re burning up!”

It was as though she had been waiting for it—his red hair, like the setting sun, spilled down. As Juliet caught him in her arms, his weak laughter and hot breath scattered together.

“Haha, you caught me…”

And just like that, Cassio lost consciousness.