You Are Gentle, But You Don’t Love Me - Chapter 39
It was an instinctual realization.
Juliet knew it because she had spent so long watching eyes that were never directed at her.
Because she had spent so long yearning for a past that was not hers.
“He’s not looking at me.”
What he saw in this moment was likely some distant, beautiful memory.
And the person who had shared that moment with him.
Someone he had loved in days gone by, someone he could never return to.
Or perhaps, someone he still loved even now.
“He’s thinking of that person.”
Yearning and resignation. Joy and sorrow. Disappointment and euphoria.
All those emotions filled Cassio Bellanea’s eyes.
Even as he gazed straight ahead, his vision seemed fixed on something far beyond.
Juliet knew that look all too well. Unfortunately.
“Which means… it’s not me.”
If what filled his eyes was truly love, then at the end of that love, Juliet was not the one standing there.
She lifted a hand to cover her mouth.
Or rather, she pressed her lips shut.
Because they threatened to move on their own.
Because something rising inside her was about to spill over.
“Do you love someone?”
The question churned in the depths of her throat.
“Who?”
A foolish question.
“Ah, I’m sorry. I must have said something strange. But still…”
“…….”
“Juliet?”
Cassio reached for her.
Even as Juliet saw his hand move, she couldn’t react.
Only when she felt his warmth near her shoulder did she flinch and step back.
“…….”
A silence fell between them.
The wind stirred, as if trying to erase it.
From afar, the heavy rustling of leaves echoed through the back garden.
Whenever the wind blew, that sound always reminded Juliet of waves.
But the only waves crashing tonight were inside someone’s heart.
As they always had been.
“I-I’m sorry. I was just startled.”
She spoke with her hand still over her mouth.
That single, small hand was the only barrier holding back her emotions.
If she lowered it, she felt like she wouldn’t be able to stop herself.
She couldn’t ask.
She couldn’t ask who he loved.
She didn’t want to hear the answer.
Because…
“I don’t want to know.”
She didn’t want to confirm with her own eyes that the overwhelming love she had just seen wasn’t meant for her.
She didn’t want the sweet illusion of the past few days to shatter.
“That would be impossible, though.”
All Juliet and Cassio had shared were five days and five nights.
Not even a full season together.
How could someone love another so deeply in that short span?
With the weight of old longing, resignation, and worn-out joy?
Cassio Bellanea could not possibly love Juliet Calliari that way.
“Pathetic. How did I let this happen again?”
Pathetic, foolish, selfish Juliet…
She was greedy.
Even if it was only a fleeting illusion.
Even if it was nothing more than a misunderstanding.
Even if it was just for a brief moment, passing like a whisper.
She had wanted to be loved.
And only after realizing that love wasn’t hers—
“How could I let this happen again?”
“…You should head back.”
Her throat felt tight.
The words that slipped between her fingers were softer than the rustling leaves.
Yet Cassio heard them before anything else.
Before the wind, before the trees.
His head tilted slightly.
“The sun is about to set… I wouldn’t want you to catch a cold.”
As she added that, Cassio, who had tilted his head, smiled and nodded.
“Alright. Though I’d like to say there’s no way I’d catch a cold.”
The smooth line of his cheekbone gleamed, still wet from the water.
A single drop, caught on the curve of his jaw, clung precariously before falling.
And with it, something else fell.
Something unseen.
Perhaps it was Cassio’s heart.
Or perhaps it was just Juliet’s illusion.
Or maybe, it was merely a trick of the pale summer twilight.
Her gaze dropped, following its descent.
The grass at Cassio’s feet was dry. Not a single drop of dew.
“Let’s go.”
She turned away first.
The soft rustling of her dress brushing through the wild grass was soon followed by the steady, deliberate sound of footsteps.
He walked at the same pace as Juliet.
As if he didn’t know how to walk ahead of her.
As if he didn’t know how to leave her behind.
She had once thought about it.
“Goodbye, Juliet.”
There was always something slightly off about the way he said her name.
Like a piece of candy stuck in one’s throat, or a grain of sand inside a shoe—small and insignificant, yet subtly irritating.
That was why Juliet had once guessed that Cassio Bellanea had lost something.
That perhaps, in a moment when he had been closer to death than life, he had lost something truly irreplaceable.
“Go where you want. See what you wish to see. If you live like that, one day, you’ll come to understand.”
Those kind words he had once said to Juliet—perhaps they had first been words he had told himself.
For someone who was now lost to him.
Did Cassio Bellanea still long for that person?
Had he loved them?
If so, then why…
From the following day, Juliet poured all her focus into preparing for the final summer banquet.
Fortunately, with the grand three-day event approaching, she had more than enough tasks to keep herself occupied.
“No, the annex doesn’t need any more decorations. Just keep it well-maintained. What’s more important is choosing the location for the tea party on the first day.”
“How about the courtyard? The summer roses are in full bloom.”
“Would there be enough space in the rose garden for all the tables? Not everyone will attend since it’s a tea party, but still…”
Her sitting room, which she now used as an office, became a revolving door for butlers and housekeepers. A constant stream of items entered and exited as she was called upon to make decisions—tableware, tea sets, linens, and flowers of every kind.
“By the way, is the guest list finalized?”
“Yes, but, madam, writing all the invitations yourself would be too exhausting…”
“I have to. There’s no one else I’d trust to do it.”
The more she worked, the more there was to do.
Even tasks she could have easily delegated, she insisted on overseeing herself.
And Juliet welcomed the workload.
As long as she buried herself in tasks from morning till night, there was no time for unwanted thoughts.
She had learned that lesson the day Cassio collapsed.
So, she let the work consume her.
And Cassio…
“…Liet. Juliet?”
He still sought her out whenever he had the chance.
“Oh… Your Grace.”
“You’ve been busy every day.”
“Did you need something?”
“Not particularly. I was just wondering if you had time for tea today.”
Tea time, dinner, their evening walks—Cassio kept coming to her, using any excuse.
“I’m sorry. There’s too much to take care of…”
And each time, she sent him away with cool formality.
“Still, wouldn’t it be good to rest for even a moment?”
“…I’m sorry.”
She couldn’t help it.
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t help but act this way around him.
The way his eyes curved softly when he looked at her.
The way his long lashes flickered, his pale green eyes gleaming under the light.
The easy, sweeping smile on his lips.
And yet, at times, the way his brows drooped with quiet sorrow.
The way his nose wrinkled slightly, as if troubled.
Seeing all of that made it impossible not to wonder—
“Why…?”
Why did he treat her so sweetly?
Juliet had once believed—hoped—that perhaps Cassio held some affection for her.
That his gaze, his gentle voice, might carry emotions deeper than mere kindness.
She had thought so.
“But that wasn’t it, was it?”
Cassio was undeniably kind to her.
Perhaps even more than just kind.
But Juliet had already glimpsed his love—if only for a moment.
Yes, maybe it had been a trick of the light.
Perhaps it had only been an illusion, created by the golden, orange-tinged sunset that evening.
And yet—
“It wasn’t me.”
Of that, she was certain.
In that moment, when his eyes had drifted, he had not been looking at her.
His gaze had been searching for something long past.
Longing for a time he could never return to.
His eyes had been filled with emotions far too old for Juliet to claim.
“Do you need something else?”
Every time she remembered that look in his eyes, she couldn’t help but be distant.
Awkwardly so.
“No, it’s nothing…”
“Then, may I return to my work?”
And so, she chose to push him away.
She didn’t want him to see how strange she was acting.
Didn’t want him to notice.
So Juliet deliberately distanced herself.
“Alright, then… Well, take care.”
“You as well. Have a good day, Your Grace.”
She still only knew one way to handle things.
To run from truths she didn’t want to face.
To hide the feelings she didn’t want to be seen.
To restrain herself, for his sake.
“Herman, about the seating arrangements for the banquet on the second night—”
“Yes, my lady.”
Juliet spent the long summer days buried in work.