You Are Gentle, But You Don’t Love Me - Chapter 45

She hadn’t actually remembered everything.

Had she been crushed by exhaustion, or had her fever already been burning at the time? Juliet couldn’t recall why she had been in the courtyard so late at night, nor how she had ended up running into him.

What remained vividly in her mind was the pale moonlight pouring down. The lavender and cypress shimmering blue beneath it. And among them, a man looking back at her, as beautiful as a dream.

Cassio Bellanea.

“Good evening, Juliet.”

Had he greeted her like that back then?

She didn’t know.

It felt as if they had walked endlessly through the not-so-large courtyard. Occasionally, he had smiled and asked her something, and Juliet had given some kind of response.

But she couldn’t remember what they had talked about. As if she had deliberately erased it from her mind, as if even the sounds had vanished.

She only knew that she had cried a little.

“I don’t want this.”

That thought had crossed her mind. That summer night had felt so much like a dream that even awake, she had mistaken it for one.

She thought that she didn’t want to wake up from it.

“Ah, Juliet.”

Had he been smiling? Or was he crying?

That, too, she didn’t know.

More than the sound, more than the touch, the scent came back to her the most vividly. Somewhere in the courtyard filled with lavender and cypress. And yet, nothing about it smelled like lavender or cypress.

It was Cassio’s scent.

Seeping through the space between their parted lips…

“…li, Juliet!”

Lost in thought, she flinched, her shoulders tensing in surprise. It was Rosaline who had called her.

“Why are you zoning out? Are you really okay?”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“Do you know how much I panicked when I heard you were bedridden? I wanted to come right away, but Juan wouldn’t even let me into the estate.”

“You shouldn’t have come….”

Juliet sighed and leaned heavily against the head of the bed. The stacked pillows behind her were soft yet stifling.

Rosaline was, technically, here for a bedside visit. Although Juliet had already recovered, so it wasn’t exactly necessary anymore.

“This was my childhood dream, you know? To take care of little Julie when she got sick.”

“Your dream was for me to be sick…?”

“No! You always came to see me whenever I was sick. So I thought, when you fall ill, I have to take care of you too!”

“You? Taking care of me?”

“You— You!”

“I appreciate the sentiment, but I’ll pass.”

“Juliet Calliari!”

Juliet casually dismissed Rosaline’s insistence on nursing her back to health. If Rosaline had really looked after her…

‘She wouldn’t have cared if I was drugged up or half-asleep—she would’ve woken me up anyway.’

And she probably would have force-fed her bread and meat. Rosaline firmly believed that eating well was the key to recovering from any illness. Not to mention, she would’ve made a huge fuss about it.

‘She might’ve even burst into tears again.’

Compared to that, Cassio had been a far better caregiver.

He had stayed by Juliet’s side for the entire three days she was unconscious. Not that he had done anything particularly extraordinary—after all, Juan was the one responsible for treating patients, and the maids were far more skilled at tending to minor needs.

Cassio had simply remained quietly by her side.

Day and night, dawn and dusk. Ignoring everyone’s concerns that he might catch her illness, as if her bedside was the only place he belonged.

‘Be good. Just sleep well, and everything will be fine when you wake up.’

Juan had said she slept like the dead for three days straight, but Juliet distinctly remembered it—that fleeting moment when she had suddenly awakened.

Her limbs had felt as heavy as death, as though she were sinking into deep waters, everything drifting far beyond reach.

A cool hand had taken hers, gently soothing her. Cassio’s voice had whispered to her.

“It’s all right now…”

And only after hearing that voice had she been able to fall back asleep, reassured.

“Juliet Calliari!”

“H-Huh?”

Juliet had been sinking back into that hazy memory when a sharp voice yanked her back to reality. Rosaline’s brows furrowed with concern.

“You’re still not feeling well, are you?”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“You keep spacing out.”

Her beloved sister’s blue eyes brimmed with worry. Juliet gazed at her quietly before a faint smile crept onto her lips.

There had been days when she couldn’t stand this person—when resentment and anger had consumed her. Days when she had been unable to suppress the jealousy festering inside, suffering in solitude.

But now, those feelings felt like a distant past.

Was it simply because of the passing time? Or was it because, no matter what, Rosaline was still her beloved sister?

‘Or maybe….’

Was It Because of Cassio?

“I’m really fine. Maybe it’s because I got plenty of sleep, but I actually feel more refreshed than before.”

“Then what’s with you? Did the cold spirit steal your soul and drop it into the Sardinian sea or something?”

“That’s…”

Because of Cassio Bellanea.

She had been lost in thoughts of that man. Replaying the sound of his voice flowing over her like a dream, the gentle touch that reached her, the affectionate smile.

How many times now? Once again, Juliet found herself thinking of him. She momentarily drifted off, only to snap back to reality and laugh at herself.

“What? Why are you laughing?”

“It’s nothing… really.”

It had been like this ever since she woke up. The moment she let her guard down, thoughts of Cassio came flooding in. No matter what she saw or heard, her thoughts always led back to him.

Rosaline was right. It really felt as if some spirit had stolen her soul and cast it into the shallows of a warm sea, where shimmering light danced between the ripples.

If that sea had a name, it would probably be…

“You really are acting strange. Your face is red too.”

“…It’s nothing.”

“I’m calling Juan.”

“Wait, no—!”

Juliet hastily reached out to stop Rosaline, who had jumped up from her seat. But her quick-tempered sister was not so easily restrained.

What stopped Rosaline wasn’t Juliet—it was Cassio.

“What’s going on?”

Had he heard Juliet’s urgent voice? The door burst open, and he stepped in with a worried expression. But as soon as he took in the situation, a smooth smile spread across his lips.

“Marchioness Arborea.”

“Your Grace.”

Unlike his composed demeanor, Rosaline looked strangely displeased to see him. And as for Juliet…

“…”

She clamped her mouth shut and lowered her head.

Has His Grace left…?

“She said she needed some rest. She was quite on edge because of you, My Lady.”

Two days had passed since Juliet woke up. In all that time, Cassio had not appeared before her even once. When she had first opened her eyes, hiding under the covers in sheer distress, he had already vanished. And he hadn’t returned since.

He stayed by my side the whole time I was asleep…

Yet the moment she woke up, he was nowhere to be found. As if he had fulfilled his duty and left without a second thought.

And now, at the slightest commotion caused by Rosaline, he had suddenly appeared.

“Did I interrupt an important conversation between the two of you?”

“No, not at all. It’s just that Juliet keeps spacing out, so I was about to call Juan.”

“Ah… There’s no need for that.”

“But if she’s still unwell—”

Even as Juliet kept her lips pressed shut, he remained unfazed. His conversation with Rosaline flowed smoothly past her ears.

“The very fact that the Marchioness is here proves Juliet is fully recovered. Juan had been keeping you from even stepping foot near the estate, hadn’t he?”

“Well, yes, but…”

“You know he did it out of concern for you, right? Don’t be too hard on Juan. Of course, worrying about Juliet must have taken its toll on him as well.”

As Juliet bit down on her lip, Cassio effortlessly guided Rosaline back to her seat beside her. His words, circling around like a waltz, eventually landed in an entirely different direction.

“You two really are close sisters.”

“Of course!”

At that, Rosaline momentarily forgot about calling Juan and enthusiastically affirmed his words instead.

“Since childhood, Julie has been my best friend and sister. No matter what happened, she was always on my side. And naturally, I was always on hers!”

“Is that so?”

“And it will always be that way!”

“Haha.”

Cassio let out a low chuckle. The deep sound, resonating from his throat, brushed against Juliet’s ears, sending a ticklish shiver down her neck.

“You two look wonderful together. Please, continue your conversation. I’ll leave you to it.”

Only when Juliet heard his footsteps retreating did she finally steal a glance up. But by then, he had already stepped beyond the doorway, his steps light and unhesitating.

Was it a dream?

Juliet felt a pang of frustration.

Why couldn’t she remember? If only she could recall the expression Cassio had worn just before their lips met. If only she could remember the words he had spoken. Then perhaps she would know.

What kind of expression she should wear in front of him.

What she should say to him.

But the only thing she could remember was his scent. As if everything else had been deliberately wiped away, leaving not even a trace.

So she spent every moment thinking of Cassio, yet when he actually stood before her, she couldn’t even meet his gaze.

But…

Why wasn’t Cassio saying anything?

Unlike Juliet, he must remember everything. While she had mistaken it for a dream even when awake, for Cassio, every moment must have been crystal clear.

Does he want to pretend it never happened?

If that were the case, he should have said nothing at all. He should have let her believe it was just a dream.

But he hadn’t.

And yet, he wouldn’t come to see her.

Not long ago, he had come up with all sorts of excuses just to visit her daily. And now, he wouldn’t even check in on her.

Why had he only appeared after two days, only to disappear so quickly again…

As if he didn’t want to face her at all.

Why?