You Are Gentle, But You Don’t Love Me - Chapter 52

It was only after Cassio Bellanea set foot on the battlefield that he realized it was the place where he truly belonged.

His command of the army was merely adequate, but his personal strength was so exceptional that it was enough to carry him through. After standing on the deck of the flagship and shooting several enemies dead in an instant, it was said that his skill as a marksman in Aragon was beyond comparison.

“That’s all because of being a royal bastard, or rather… I mean…”

“Yeah, I was just a lowly nobleman who spent most of my time hunting, so no one knew anything.”

“Damn it, if I’d known this would happen, I would’ve joined you, Colonel, instead of listening to those other fools. The idiot couldn’t even recognize the one who saved his life and acted like a damn fool…”

“Forget about it. It’s done now.”

“I can see why the Princess of the Aragon Navy is so merciful.”

At first, the soldiers under his command had rejected him, but they soon warmed to him. This was partly due to his experience as the so-called “prodigal son of the palace,” and partly because the bullets he fired saved many lives.

“What’s this all about?”

“You don’t know? The pirates we ran into before, right? They heard rumors that the beautiful princess of the Aragon Navy was aboard, and they said they’d leave quietly if only we handed her over…”

“So, that beautiful princess was…?”

“Me?”

“…”

“Where else would you find a face as beautiful as mine?”

“Hahaha! I suppose that’s true, but is it really okay to be so confident about it?”

Indeed, the battlefield was a place that suited Cassio perfectly.

Everyone there was driven by one singular goal. There was no room for distraction. No one was left behind. At least not until the moment of death.

“Damn it! It’s an ambush!”

“Ambush? They’re just pirates. Don’t panic!”

Yeah, in truth, Cassio had never hated the battlefield.

“Run! Open fire!”

“Get out of the way! I’m firing!”

“Argh!”

Watching the men he had been joking with and laughing alongside the day before die before his eyes wasn’t exactly pleasant, but he appreciated the intensity of the fight, where no distractions were allowed. It was nice not to be left alone, not even for a moment.

Sometimes, he even thought it would be fine to endlessly drift across the sea, storing the countless scenes passing by in his heart.

But even then, Cassio was still alone. He was the only one thinking like that.

“Colonel, Colonel.”

“Hm?”

“What will you do once we return?”

It was when victory was almost within reach that he realized this. With most of the Canary Islands now under their control, they were about to face the final island, Grand Canaria.

Cassio felt a slight sense of regret. Once they conquered Grand Canaria, their fleet’s mission would be over. The countless days spent wandering the seas were all just for conquest, and once all the objectives were completed, there would be nothing left to do but return home.

Cassio regretted that. He didn’t want to go back.

“Damn pirates, how long are they going to keep fighting?”

“We’re almost done, right?”

“Yeah, finally!”

But none of the men aboard the ship shared his regret. Perhaps that was to be expected.

The people aboard the ship spent their days thinking only of returning home. The fierceness of the journey stemmed from the struggle to survive, and all the time that passed was simply a journey to get back.

At the end of this intense journey, who would still feel regret when the return was finally at hand? They were all excited, despite the biggest battle yet to come.

“So what about you? What will you do once you return?”

“Well, I guess I’ll try to be a good son to my parents.”

“Good son, huh? You were doomed the moment you boarded this ship.”

The comrades who had spent nights discussing strategies and the sailors cleaning the decks and managing the sails all excitedly talked about what they would do once they returned home.

“I’m going to propose to Catreya once I get back.”

“Ah, isn’t it tough being an unmarried guy? You won’t survive this.”

“Hey, don’t say that, or you’ll jinx it. Keep quiet.”

Someone said they would propose to their fiancée, who had been waiting for them the whole time, while another said they couldn’t wait to embrace their family, who had sent them letters every day. Someone else joked, saying they would never leave the land again after returning, that they were tired of the sea.

“So, seriously, Colonel, what will you do when you get back?”

“Haha, well…”

Cassio couldn’t bring himself to join in.

“I’m a little tired, so I’ll rest first.”

He had always been able to join in with others, laughing and talking without a second thought, but at that moment, he couldn’t. He didn’t want to go back. There was nothing he wanted to do once he got home. In fact, he had nothing to go back to.

Since the moment he was born, that had always been the case. A bastard, not even blessed by the gods. So, a life without even the allowance of a name surely had no place to return to.

Cassio had grown up in the Aragon palace, but even that wasn’t a place he could return to. It was a place he was always meant to leave, not return to.

So even then, Cassio was alone, like all the lives adrift on the sea.

“…Hah.”

Thus, the days spent aboard the warship, though dreadful and horrific, were not entirely displeasing. After all, it was akin to being stranded on a rudderless boat, drifting aimlessly along the waves. In truth, the days spent wandering the sea were somewhat preferable.

At least during that time, it was possible to forget the life of endless wandering.

However, now I must return.

“Where, exactly, am I going…?”

It was a night when a man, who had never had a place to return to in his entire life, still did not know the answer. The wind was unusually calm, and the waves were gentle, as if the Lord Himself were overseeing the sea.

But the waves never sleep, nor does the wind ever stop. For that is the providence that the Lord has bestowed upon this world.

＊ ＊ ＊

Thus, amid the crashing waves and the howling wind, the war was drawing to a close.

The sky was filled with water, yet smoke filled the air in every direction. The acrid smell of gunpowder, the sharp scent of cold steel, and the stench of bl00d mingled with the burning smoke, creating a chaotic scene. Among the chaos, a particularly clear explosion rang out.

Cassio Bellanea, wielding a far larger gun than the other officers, casually fired it, tilting the long barrel at an angle.

“Impressive!”

The adjutant, who had been covering him, forgot his own duties for a moment and praised him. But Cassio, with a furrowed brow, hardly seemed pleased.

The pungent smell of gunpowder rising from his hands disturbed him. The moment he took a life with those very hands was when he truly realized he was alive, and that was a terrifying thought.

“Impressive, you say? Hmph.”

“No, really, that was incredible. The one who just fell into the sea—wasn’t he an orca?”

“Probably.”

“Ha, that bastard is really dead. Damn this war—it’s finally over!”

But soon, a grin spread across his face, as bright as could be, despite the surrounding death on the battlefield.

“Yeah, that’s right.”

Just moments before, he had shot the leader of a pirate band trying to flee from the fleet’s rear.

‘It’s over now, truly.’

He didn’t feel particularly joyful.

With the leader dead, the pirates would scatter. Even now, there were those leaping into the sea, abandoning their ships. It was clear they had given up the fight.

Now, there was only the matter of finishing this senseless conquest and returning home. The mission had been accomplished, so returning was only natural. There was no longer any reason to drift on the sea.

The fact that this didn’t bring joy was the only thing troubling him.

‘Maybe it would be better this way…’

It was a fleeting thought. Suddenly, a deafening roar filled his ears, and a cannon from somewhere unleashed its flames. At the same time, a voice pierced his ear.

― …Do you need a reason?

Cassio Bellanea heard the voice clearly.

― …You called my name.

― …….

― Yes, that’s why. Only you call me by my name.

His vision blurred. It felt as though the ground beneath his feet had suddenly caved in. Yet, his feet were firmly planted on the solid wooden floor.

But it also felt as though he were standing on something far more solid. The faint vibrations that had become terribly familiar on the ship had vanished completely.

― Everyone talks about love as if it’s something extraordinary. As if it were fate bestowed by the gods, a mission to be fulfilled… as if it were something no mere mortal could bear.

Even as these words echoed, the voice continued to speak. Despite his dimming vision, Cassio sifted through his memories, recalling the owner of the voice. Giulietta Caliarelli Escalus. His wife.

But she…

At that moment, chills ran down his arms. Instinctively, Cassio turned his gaze to find the barrel of a gun aimed directly at him. It was absurdly straightforward.

BANG!

“Colonel!”

From somewhere, a scream called his name. His body, which had been stiff as a board, seemed to crumble at the sound.

The cool breeze that had passed over his shoulders suddenly gave way to a burning, searing pain. The pain, starting in his shoulder, spread throughout his body, down to his legs, and finally to his toes.

“Field surgeon! Where is the field surgeon!”

It felt as though his entire body was being consumed by fire. The deafening explosions, the clashing of weapons, and the cries and groans of pain that had filled his ears slowly began to fade. It was as though he were sinking into water.

But…

― I want to love you.

The voice, seemingly cautious yet strikingly bold, pulled him back into consciousness. Or rather, it might be more accurate to say it pushed him elsewhere. Before his eyes appeared a strangely vivid vision.

The sound of water flowing gently, a beautiful garden bathed in moonlight. In stark contrast to the battlefield he had just stood on, it was a scene impossibly serene and peaceful.

― …Is that not possible?

There, a woman gazed up at him with soft brown eyes, filled with the blue light of the moon.