You Say You Believe in Science, But You Fly on a Sword - Chapter 75
Chapter 75: Just Judge
Opening statement: In this chapter, the author is quite unrestrained and rambling. If you don’t like it, please skip it and don’t spray. Thank you. （I’ve been enslaved by summer homework for too long, so I’m writing this nonsense to relax. Please store your cerebellum. ）
——————Main text begins——————
The auspicious time has arrived. The Judge in the middle of the interrogation room slammed their gavel on the table and shouted, “Enter the court! ”
The Yamen Runners on both sides, each holding a wooden stick nearly as tall as a person, struck the ground while shouting, “Awe… some… ”
Below the court, five criminal suspects, undoubtedly guilty, were brought up by Police Officers and knelt in the courtroom.
Xie Yingqing and Su Qin’an, as People’s Jurors, sat quietly behind the Judge as a backdrop.
With a “bang,” the Judge slammed the sounding block, causing the sounding block’s HP to decrease by 1, and also startling everyone present.
“Ho! Who dares to accuse this official in court! ”
The Judge shouted: “According to the eight major elements and four basic points of Socialism, as well as China’s Constitution, Criminal Law, and various other laws, I sentence you to thirty strokes of the caning! ”
Police Officer:???
Xie Yingqing, Su Qin’an:??
The undoubtedly guilty criminal suspects:??
The Clerk on the side facepalmed and quickly went over to speak to the Judge.
The Judge twitched their lips: “Fine, considering that you have already confessed, let’s put off the caning for now! Now, let’s get down to business! ”
“You are audacious, kidnapping members of the China Nine Heavens Research Group in broad daylight, under the vast heaven and earth. Your crime is unforgivable, and you deserve the death penalty, a thousand deaths, your crimes are enough to fill a whole bamboo book…”
After a five-minute-long critique, the Judge finally stopped their cultural output: “What you have done is known to Heaven and Earth, known to everyone, familiar to every household, and passed down from mouth to mouth…”
Xie Yingqing rubbed her eyes but couldn’t fall asleep.
Since the court was always a serious place, Xie Yingqing and Su Qin’an did not chat openly but chose a more covert method.
Xie Yingqing rubbed her eyes and sent a secret voice transmission to Su Qin’an: “This Judge is so interesting! I’m almost falling asleep from their lecture, but I don’t feel like sleeping at all! ”
Su Qin’an laughed: “It means you’re suitable for studying law. Let me tell you, studying law is great! Have you heard of Bao Zheng, the just judge of the Song Dynasty, who judged the living during the day and the dead at night…”
“So his resentment must be heavier than anyone else’s! ”
Xie Yingqing said, “Look, they have to work 24 hours a day. Even oxen and horses aren’t used this way! Also, advising someone to study medicine will bring down lightning, advising someone to study law will bring a thousand cuts, you know? ”
Su Qin’an：……
How did this little girl suddenly become so articulate?
Who did she learn from?
Give me back my gentle and lovely Xie Yingqing!
The Judge ended another round of cultural output: “Your crimes are a foregone conclusion, black and white in writing, clear and definite, and undeniable. Do you have anything else to argue? ”
“Your Honor! We are innocent! ”
The suspects shouted, “We are friends with that guy. We knocked him unconscious because his birthday is coming soon, and we wanted to give him a surprise! ”
“Ho! You are not being honest! How dare you lie to my face! ”
The Judge shouted: “Bring them here! Fifty strokes of the caning! ”
“Ah! Your Honor! We were wrong! But we’re telling the truth! ”
“Nonsense! ”
The Judge raised their hand, signaling the Yamen Runners to stop: “What kind of surprise involves knocking someone unconscious! You illegally used ether, which already constitutes attempted rape, do you know! ”
The suspects’ eyes widened: “You can say we illegally used ether, but you can’t forcibly change our sexual orientation! ”
“That’s right! You’re slandering us! ”
“Audacious! Bring them here! Another fifty strokes of the caning! ”
The Judge shouted, “I’m clearly deducing the case and telling you the nature of your crimes, and you dare to slander me, saying that I’m forcibly changing your sexual orientation? This is unbearable! Even if my uncle and aunt could bear it, I can’t! ”
“No, you, ah…”
“No! ”
“Just Judge! We were wrong! ”
“Misusing the death penalty is illegal! ”
“Ho! It’s clearly you who are trying to smear me. I’m just using legal weapons to protect my legitimate rights! ”
“Where did we smear…”
“Ho! There are so many people here, including two People’s Jurors and a Clerk, and they are all my witnesses! ”
Su Qin’an and Xie Yingqing were initially holding back their laughter until their stomachs hurt. Upon hearing “two People’s Jurors,” they quickly regained their serious expressions, sat upright, and looked straight ahead.
The Judge ultimately didn’t let them be beaten to death, stopping after five strokes and gesturing for the Yamen Runners to retreat.
“Now, can you speak properly? ”
The Judge looked cold: “Tell me, who told you to do this, and what was your purpose? ”
The suspects, rubbing their buttocks, helped each other up and looked at the Judge with resentment.
“I told you, we are friends…”
“Beat them again! ”
“Ah! ”
“Stop it, stop it! I’ll talk! ”
“Old Fourth, you…”
“Ah! ”
The suspect called “Old Fourth” shouted: “Damn it! Boss! If you want to be beaten, continue being beaten! I don’t want to be anymore! ”
“Our assassins’ professional ethics…”
“Can professional ethics be eaten? We’re almost beaten to death! Besides, what kind of excuse is that! Who gives surprises using ether! ”
“You…”
The Boss’s fists clenched, pushing away the Yamen Runner who was caning him, pulling up his pants, and charging towards Old Fourth: “You have no professional ethics! I’ll kill you! ”
“Come on! Who’s afraid of you! I call you Boss out of respect, you know! ”
“Separate them! ”
With the Judge’s order, four Yamen Runners rushed forward and firmly restrained the two.
“How audacious! To dare to brawl in front of me? Do you have any respect for the law? Any respect for me, the official? Yamen Runners! ”
“Yes! ”
“Drag this troublemaker to prison, and don’t feed him for three days! ”
“Yes! ”
“Ah! No! Your Honor! I was wrong…”
The Boss’s wail grew fainter, and the Judge turned to Old Fourth, who was about to confess, and said kindly, “Tell me, who instructed you, and why did you kidnap members of the Nine Heavens Research Group? ”
“It’s Kimchi Nation…”
Old Fourth immediately launched a ten-minute-long denial of guilt, shifting all blame to Kimchi Nation and claiming he was just paid to do the job.
“I have elderly parents to support and young children, and I also have an eighty-year-old Big Yellow at home. Please, Just Judge, don’t sentence me to death. I still need to earn money to support my family…”
Besides shifting blame, he also played the victim card.
“Right, your family background is difficult, which is indeed worthy of sympathy…”
Old Fourth looked at the Judge in ecstasy.
I’m lying to you and you still believe it? Are the people of China that easy to deceive?
Then the Judge changed the subject: “But this is not a reason for you to kidnap members of the Nine Heavens Research Group! ”
Old Fourth realized something was wrong!
Then…
“Your Honor, I really made a mistake. I am willing to donate all my stolen money, just to ask for leniency…”