Your Majesty, Please Don't Kill Me Again! - Chapter 2.1

I opened my eyes.

The world around me was clear. The first thing I saw was a frost-covered window, its surface pale and frozen, as if it had been forgotten. The glass was so foggy that it was almost opaque, and beyond it, faint shadows of snowflakes danced in the air.

A small ray of light peeked through a tiny crack in the window, cutting through the icy air. It was thin but bright, almost dazzling. Winter in Belnerni was bitterly cold and harsh, but the sunlight was as strong and brilliant as a summer day.

Light. I stared at the sharp, scattered beam. A turn of my head revealed the snow-covered world outside. The biting wind and the sound of winter filled the air.

Winter.

I sat still, gazing at the white, snowy landscape beyond the frosted glass. My thoughts lagged behind, struggling to connect what I saw to what I understood. Even the realization that I was awake came slowly—too slowly—because none of it made sense.
I was supposed to be dead.

I had died, cursing the Emperor. My last words were insults hurled at him, and I could still remember his frown as I mocked him in my final moments. That day was a scorching summer afternoon, the sun blazing down as I took my last breath.

But this… this was clearly winter.

I frowned, a strange sense of familiarity settling over me as I looked around the room. The faded green walls and the worn window frame stirred something in my memory.

“Miss!”

My thoughts scattered as the door burst open. A woman rushed in, bustling with energy. Her voice—cheerful, familiar—made me freeze in shock.

“Nanny?”

“You’re awake!”

It was my nanny, Baroness Cohen. She had died two years ago in a tragic carriage accident alongside her husband. My heart twisted. Was this heaven? But why would I be here? I hadn’t lived a saintly life like her, though I didn’t think I deserved hell either. Yet, before I could think further, I threw myself into her arms, grinning like a child.

“Nanny!”

“Yes, yes, it’s me. What’s gotten into you? Up so early? Are you excited for your birthday?”

“Birthday?”

Does heaven celebrate birthdays? My birthday was in winter, but I had died in summer. Could I have somehow skipped two whole seasons?

Nanny sighed, clearly amused by my confusion. “Come now, we need to get you ready. Were you cold last night?”

“No, not at all.”

“I told Boit to keep the fire going. You’re so sensitive to the cold.”

“Boit? Boit is here too?”

Had Boit, our butler, also died? Had the Emperor’s cruelty extended even to our innocent servants? Guilt gnawed at me, but Nanny gave me a puzzled look.

“Of course he’s here. Oh, are you talking about his trip? That was months ago, my dear. Honestly, what strange things you say.”

“Trip?”

“Yes, the one with his wife. Newlyweds, you know. You must forgive him.”

Newlyweds? Boit had been married for seven years. Was heaven kind enough to let people remarry? Had he abandoned his loving wife Emily, whom he adored? I scoffed, shaking my head. Men really couldn’t be trusted—not even in heaven.

“Well, if he’s newlywed, I suppose it can’t be helped.”

Nanny didn’t seem to notice my muttering and continued tidying the bed. Her familiar fussing, filled with care, made me smile. How much I had missed her. Wrapping my arms around her from behind, I hugged her tightly. She was warm, real. If this was heaven, then at least it was kind enough to give me back my nanny.

“I missed you so much, Nanny.”

“My, my. What’s gotten into you? You’ve become so affectionate!”
“Maybe I’m aging backward,” I joked with a smile.

Nanny laughed, finishing her task without breaking my embrace. When she turned to face me, her expression softened with concern.

“Did you have a bad dream, Miss?”

“Not exactly… Maybe something like that.”

“Hmm. Well, your brother has been having nightmares too lately.”

“My brother?”

“Yes, Young Master Rehan, of course.”

Rehan? My brother hadn’t died before me. He couldn’t be here. Yet hearing his name made my heart race.

“Rehan is here?”

“Where else would he be but in the manor? Why are you asking such strange questions?”

Her words stopped me cold. Manor? What manor?

“Where are we?”

Nanny gently brushed a hand across my furrowed brow. “We’re in the Beloit estate, of course. This is the attic room in the annex. Are you sure you’re feeling well?”

“The Beloit estate?”

The estate had burned to the ground a month before my death. I had seen it with my own eyes, reduced to ash. How could I possibly be here?

My chest tightened as I looked around the room. I knew this place. It was the “Room of Reflection,” an old, dusty attic in the annex where my father used to send Rehan and me for punishment as children. I hadn’t stepped foot here since I was twelve.

“Nanny?”

“Yes, Miss?”

“How… how old am I today?”

“Today’s your birthday, so you’re twelve now.”

“Twelve?”

My blood ran cold, and I froze in place. Nanny’s concerned gaze lingered on me, but I couldn’t process her worry. Twelve? I had died at eighteen.

Ignoring her calls, I stumbled to the door. If this was truly the Beloit estate, then the small bedroom next to this attic should belong to Rehan. When I had to spend nights here, he always stayed nearby, knowing how much I hated being alone.

“Rehan!”

I pounded on the door, my voice trembling.

“Rehan, it’s me! Lariette! Open the door! Are you there?”

My desperate cries grew louder, laced with tears. I wanted to see him again. If this wasn’t heaven, if it was some cruel trick of fate, I didn’t care. Let me see my brother. Just once. Please.

“Rehan!”

“What is it?”

The heavy door swung open with a bang, and a boy stumbled out, his clothes half-buttoned and his hair a tousled mess. He wasn’t the tall, strong young man I remembered, but his face—his wide eyes and familiar features—were unmistakable. This was Rehan.
His dark brown hair, not the soft hazel shade like mine, framed his face in messy waves, falling over his forehead. I didn’t care how disheveled he looked. I threw my arms around him, holding him tightly. He looked up at me, startled, his expression serious in a way far beyond his years.

“Did you have a nightmare, Sister?”

Rehan had been speaking to me with formal respect since he turned ten. I had begged, cried, and even yelled at him to stop, but he never did—not even on the day I died. Yet, hearing those stiff, polite words now made tears prick my eyes. Laughing and crying at the same time, I kissed his cheek.

“Good morning, Rehan.”

“Happy birthday, Sister,” he said, his tone firm and polite, as he wiped the tears from my cheeks with his small, delicate hands.

Back in my room, a beautiful dress was waiting for me, neatly laid out on the bed. It was a thick winter gown made of deep green velvet with golden embroidery, perfectly paired with a pale green ribbon for my hair.

As I held the dress, I suddenly realized how lightly dressed I was—wearing nothing but a thin nightgown. The excitement had kept me from noticing the biting cold, but now I shivered as the chill seeped into my skin.

No wonder Nanny had carried me around earlier like a child. I had always been sensitive to the cold.

Shivering, I quickly pulled the dress over my head. Most noble girls would have waited for their maids to help them, sitting primly as they were dressed. But thanks to my father’s insistence on frugality, I’d never had a personal maid of my own.

Nanny returned with a basin of fresh water just as I tied the last ribbon on the dress. She reached out, ready to assist, but stopped short when she realized I was already dressed.
“Oh my, Miss! When did you learn to dress yourself?”

“I’m twelve now!” I replied, puffing out my chest proudly.

In truth, I hadn’t fully learned to dress myself until I was fourteen. But I acted as if I’d always been this independent, shrugging at her surprised expression.

“I’m all grown up now,” I added confidently.

“My, my. So you are,” Nanny said, though her bittersweet smile told me she wasn’t entirely happy about it.

Back then, I hadn’t understood why she looked sad. Now, I realized it was because she knew the day was coming when I wouldn’t need her anymore. Feeling a pang of guilt, I ran to her and stretched out my arms.

“Hug me!”

“What?”

“I’m cold. Hug me!”

Though my tone was bossy, Nanny didn’t seem to mind. She smiled warmly and wrapped me in her arms. The warmth of her embrace brought a sense of comfort I hadn’t felt in years.

Once she finished brushing and braiding my hair, I sat in front of the mirror, examining my reflection.

“What do you think? Am I pretty?”

“Of course, Miss. You’re as beautiful as the Imperial Princess herself!”

I chuckled at her exaggerated praise. I wasn’t beautiful—at least not in an extraordinary way. I had soft brown hair and matching brown eyes, a face neither stunning nor plain. But even I had to admit, in that moment, I looked charming. My cheeks were flushed pink, my eyes sparkled, and the ribbon in my hair completed the look.

Still, I wasn’t foolish. Beauty wouldn’t save me. My focus now wasn’t on pretty dresses or charming a husband. It was on survival.

The grand hall was filled with people. It seemed excessive for a child’s birthday, but I now understood why they were here. These weren’t well-wishers; they were politicians, scheming to curry favor with my father, a staunchly neutral noble.

Back then, I had been too naive to see it. I had clapped my hands with joy, thinking they had all come just for me.
What a foolish little girl I’d been.

I scanned the crowd until I spotted my father. He stood tall, his expression stern as always, clearly annoyed by the nobles surrounding him. His face, younger than I remembered, brought tears to my eyes. His dark brown hair—the same shade as Rehan’s—shone under the bright light. It was a warm, rich color that I had always loved.

Would things have been different if he had chosen a side? If he had supported the Empress, would our family have survived?
But I quickly shook the thought away. This was my second chance, and the only person I could change was myself. My father was too honorable to compromise his principles, and the Emperor was destined to become the monster I already knew.

If I wanted to save my family, I had to be the one to change.
With that thought burning in my mind, I grabbed my dress and dashed toward my father. This time, I would protect Beloit at any cost.